General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I like to think I have high moral standards. Sometimes when I here bad news I get embarrassed or feel some guilt just because some jerk is also a guy. It is hard for me to explain. In other words just because a man went nuts I am afraid people will think I might go nuts. Yeah, I am aware of my user name.
One time I entered an elevator. There was one woman already on it, nobody else. I stepped in and noticed she moved to the corner as far as possible away from me. I asked her if she was O.K. She squicked out a "yes". She obviously was not so I hit the door button and stepped out of the elevator. As the doors closed again and she went on her way by herself and she gave me a "thank you." I know that I did the right thing but for some reason I felt like such a jack @@S.
What you did for the lady on the elevator was very thoughtful. I will often not get on an elevator is there is a guy already on it. I’ve never had a bad experience in an elevator. But I’ve had very bad experiences elsewhere and have heard the elevator stories.
When I hear the stories here about women who withhold sex from their husbands, it makes me embarrassed as a woman… and it upsets me that many men thing that all woman are like that. Does that count?
What you did for the lady on the elevator was very thoughtful. I will often not get on an elevator is there is a guy already on it. I’ve never had a bad experience in an elevator. But I’ve had very bad experiences elsewhere and have heard the elevator stories.
When I hear the stories here about women who withhold sex from their husbands, it makes me embarrassed as a woman… and it upsets me that many men thing that all woman are like that. Does that count?
Not only does that count but that comment also hits home. (in a sexless)
I feel like men should hold themselves to certain standards. As in men in general should hold the weakest willed among us accountable for their actions.
Things like date rape or spouse abuse always seem to have people who knew the guy, and knew he was that type of person, yet took no action. Perverts who would hurt a child always seem to have a huge number of people that knew, but did nothing (think Penn State).
Maybe I'm just living in the past, but it seems like there was a time when the men of a town would come together to solve those problems. Now it seems like there is no cohesiveness to society.
When I see a man that mistreats his family I am embarrased. When I see other men stick up for him and his actions I'm disgusted.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
I feel like men should hold themselves to certain standards. As in men in general should hold the weakest willed among us accountable for their actions.
Things like date rape or spouse abuse always seem to have people who knew the guy, and knew he was that type of person, yet took no action. Perverts who would hurt a child always seem to have a huge number of people that knew, but did nothing (think Penn State).
Maybe I'm just living in the past, but it seems like there was a time when the men of a town would come together to solve those problems. Now it seems like there is no cohesiveness to society.
When I see a man that mistreats his family I am embarrased. When I see other men stick up for him and his actions I'm disgusted.
Your post is right on. If more men would stand up to men who do these things.. less of it would happen. I truely believe that.
For example men who abuse their wives do it because the only one telling them to stop is their wife.. a woman. Anyone who abuses his wife has no respect for women. And he usually is not that secure as a man. So if other men were to sit him down and read him the riot act and let him know that under no circumstances would they accept his continued abuse of his wife.. I really do think the abuser would stop.
But instead in our society everyone just looks the other way... even to the point of blaming the abused.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
There are women and men who make me embarrassed for being a human being in general. I mean, there are reptiles that treat their mates and offspring better than we, humans, do.
Your post is right on. If more men would stand up to men who do these things.. less of it would happen. I truely believe that.
For example men who abuse their wives do it because the only one telling them to stop is their wife.. a woman. Anyone who abuses his wife has no respect for women. And he usually is not that secure as a man. So if other men were to sit him down and read him the riot act and let him know that under no circumstances would they accept his continued abuse of his wife.. I really do think the abuser would stop.
But instead in your society everyone just looks the other way... even to the point of blaming the abused.
I relate to this very strongly. As an example, some years ago I was in India staying with a bunch of other medical students, as we had come there to learn about medical care internationally. We were staying in a hotel, and we had gone one night as a group to a nearby cybercafe. I had recently gone through a tumultuous dating relationship (at that time) and was in the cybercafe writing a long email. My other peers had gone back home by the time. When I got up I realized it was already 11:45pm. The kind storekeeper offered to walk me home for safety. I didn't think it was such a big deal, as my hotel was a mere 2 block away... about a 7-8 minute walk. So I declined his kind offer, as I didn't want to trouble him. Well, that ended up being a huge mistake as that walk was the most stressful scary walk of my life. I was the only woman out of the street, as the road was full of men only. Several taxi drivers catcalled me saying 'Hey Baby!' etc. One man randomly standing in the street shouted at me in his native language: "Hey girl, give it to me! GIVE IT TO ME!" I was scared silly, and there were about 5 other men standing there who simply looked on, doing nothing to shut him up. My heart was racing, and when I finally got to the hotel, I burst into tears.
Some may blame me, saying that it was my fault for walking late at night. I had no idea that things would be this way. I was simply minding my business, going home. I didn't do anything to deserve that.
There are women's rights, anti-abuse groups, but the issue is that they are mostly run by women... with low male participation. Obviously women are the most affected by this issue, so it makes sense that they will be the one championing women's rights. But when I see a guy leading the way and active in women's equality campaigns, I have deepest respect for him. I think that guy has a whole lot more impact with other men. Other guys make tune out a feminist girl (as guys may think she is just some 'b'), but it's pretty hard to ignore a feminist guy. (And no, a 'feminist guy' does not necessarily equal an 'effeminate guy'.)
That's just an elaboration of the post from MY perspective, as it resonated with me.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
No more so than I feel personally responsible for the double wide bride what birthed ya. On the other hand I have fairly low expectations for humans. Every time I hear about some dope fiends who pimp their kids out or murder them, I think to myself "It must be someone's birthday"
There are women and men who make me embarrassed for being a human being in general. I mean, there are reptiles that treat their mates and offspring better than we, humans, do.
I partially agree. I am frequently embarrassed by humanity rather than by my sex.
There was a time when I think I was more embarrassed by my sex, but in time I think I have a better understanding and sympathy not only for my own sex but for women. Sex specific behavior ( which I think is frequently more apparent then real) almost by definition can't be understood except in context with the other sex.
I am only responsible for my own actions, not those of others. All races, genders, societies, etc. have slime and heroes...you just have to decide which you wish you be
I don't feel embarrassment for my gender so much as annoyance.
For every "party girl" out there opening herself to every guy in the building, or every evil vindictive woman who intentionally emotionally destroys someone, or every time a woman cheats
it just irks me. Maybe it's because I have too many guy friends with poor choices in women? But I think it's completely pointless to go out and seemingly strive to prove every stereotype in the book right. Only to then turn around and follow it with an "omg, I can't believe men think that!"
It just makes me want to slam my face into a wall.
Do ever get embarrassed about your gender? 
