blue ocean

hi all,

as u see on the tittle of my post, i wud like to hear some advice from you all, cuz i am so confused

i and my husband met online, he came to my country and married me. we've been married for 7 months now, after we married he went back to his country. b4 we married he converted to my religion, but he went back to his cuz he said it is what's he believe in (we hide it from my parents).

we convinced my parents b4 that we cud be in marriage although we are 2 different faiths, my parents gave us a big NO, so he didn't have any choice

atm we are far apart, he's in Country A and i'm in country B. i need to get my visa 1st so i can be with him and live with him there in his country. b4 we married, we've talked about children. there's an agreement that may be we won't have any. why? cuz we came from different faiths. my parents are very strict and "old" we tried many times that we cud raise our children with our different faiths, that they will choose whatever in their hearts later. my parents disagreed with us so much so my husband now think that it is better for us with no children in our marriage his reasons are, if we had one or two, it wud make them confused who to follow...and that we can't hide it from my parents.

i want a kid or 2 so much, it's my woman side or one is enough 4 me, but he came with his strong opinions that it's not a good idea. he wud always think abt my parents reactions ( "what if they know i went back to my faith? what if the kids also choose my faith? i'm sure your parents wud got mad at us and may be abandon u? i don't want that to happen to u" he said.

i tried to convince him that things wud be alright. he's very stubborn. we talk only from email/fb/phone/skype atm..it's hard for us to discuss abt it. i wud just cry in front him, seen thru my skype camera ( and he wud just sit there n tried to calm me down.....but still believe that his decision is best for us both and our marriage.

what should i do? is there a chance for me to talk it out with him? cud you suggest me anything to convince him that it wud alright to have kids? i cry so much anytime i see baby pictures with their moms, my friends with babies, my cousins have babies....and me? ;(( i wanna be a mother, i wanna feel how beautiful it is when my baby call me "mama" ;( etc. please advice, thanks.

btw, we wud live far from my parents, do u think it's good reason i cud give to him?

PBear

You two are living a web of lies that you'll both need to untangle before you can get anywhere on this. Is he using your parents as an excuse because HE doesn't want kids? Who knows. But until you removed that as a possible excuse, you're kinda stuck.

As far as your thought goes, what are you thinking? When the grandparents come over, you'll just stick the kids in the closet? Or you'll finally tell your parents that this is your life, and this is how you're going to live it?

C
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CallaLily

Sounds like a mess and do you want to spend your life married to someone based on lies? Having to keep things secret etc?

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SadieBrown

If you are old enough to be married you are old enough to stand up to your parents.

Also if you talked about kids before you married and he said then he may not want any why are you upset now. He was honest about kids. So you have two choices, stay married with no kids or leave this marriage and find someone who does want kids.

Of course if the two of you can't grow a backbone and tell your parents you are married how do you plan to have kids anyway??