the guy

You can make this uncomfortable by 1st taking the steps to confirm there is an outside influence that is preventing the marriage from being repired. Getting this evidence will validate your next step. Step2 expose the affair.

When the affair is now expossed it is now longer a fantasy and now has become a drame for both your WW and the OM. It makes it uncomfortable to be publicly seen.

Taking control of your finiaces and protect your money by preventing your WW on spending it on her exit plan and making it convienent to be with OM.

HeartbrokeninGA

She did admit she should have never gotten anyone else involved. I do not know how else to prove anything. They now work at different locations and I work 30 minutes away form where they may be "running" into each other at the gym.

sigma1299

Man you are seriously in the grease - odds are she's lying through her teeth to you. She was sitting in a parking lot?? Guess who was in that parked car with her? Do you remember what you did in a parked cars with members of the opposite sex when you were younger?

Do not let this weekend trip go down - if it does your that much farther in the grease. Even if it is legit - which smart money says it's not - she shouldn't be leaving the marriage to invest time with her girlfriends when your marriage is in a tail spin.

Get you're evidence. Key logger on the computer, voice activated recorder in the car. Once you've got it confront her and tell her it's you and the marriage or she can go pack.

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sigma1299

Oh and I'd suggest asking a moderator to move this over to the Coping with Infidelity section stat.

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the guy

VAR (voice activated recorder) planted in her car.
Keylogger on the computor
And keep track of the phone bill, even though you have already exposed that avenue of information.
There may even be a secret cell phone so do some digging in her panty drawer and other loction she may think you won't look.
If you have the dough then hire a PI to watch the gym. In shouldn't cost much, just tell him the when and weres and it sould be easy enough to confirm her real reason for leaving the marriage.

I also suggest a GPS b/c she may not be going to the gym at all and the survalence on the gym could be a waste of money or take longer to get what you need which also increase the cost of a PI.

Enless you can trust a friend to do this for you its always best to hire a pro and give him the information that will make it less costly to find a PA.

HeartbrokeninGA

She has an iPhone and uses that for all her text and everything. She doesnt use a computer. I have dug aroudn in her stuff and her car and I have found no evidence of another phone. And I just found out she changed the password for the phone account online.

the guy

I think a iPhone can be hacked if its synced to a computer.

sigma1299

More bad news. Major red flag here. I'm sorry man but this isn't looking good.

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synthetic

There you go.

Any doubts about her being dishonest should now be erased in your mind.

She's cheating on you.

HeartbrokeninGA

I have challenged her on all of this. She says she changed the password on the phone log because I wouldnt stop hounding her about it. Honestly she didnt call/ text the guy for 3 weeks after being busted. Of course now I cant look.

sigma1299

That's the whole deal right there. If she wasn't hiding something she wouldn't/shouldn't care. One of the first thing a cheater who wants to reconcile must do is provide the betrayed spouse complete transparency for this very reason. You have to be able to look so you can have at least some reassurance that there isn't still a third party in your marriage.

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HeartbrokeninGA

I told her she had to be an open book and she told me she is being completely honest. Said she isnt interested in starting another relationship while trying to figure ours out.

I'm damed if I do, and damed if I dont. IF she is being honest and I push too hard it can screw up any potential reconiliation. If she is being dishonest and cheating then I look like an idiot.

I may order a device I found that allows you to download deleted texts and other info from an iPhone.

bandit.45

I am going through a similar situation as you my friend. Keep your chin up. You're not alone.

sigma1299

You got this wrong man. She earned the suspicion, every doubt you have, every suspicion - she put them there. She earned them and now has to pay the price until those thoughts are not there any more. If you push and she gets mad there never was any real reconciliation anyway.

Only if she's genuinely remorseful, takes ownership of what she's done, and accepts accountability can you have true reconciliation.

You're in a fix it or break it position. There is no middle ground unless you want to live in limbo the rest of your life. If the process of fixing it kills it, then you have your answer. Do not retreat from what she must do. Do not settle. Do not give her a free pass for her feelings. She did this - she must undo it.

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67flh

buddy, i totally can not understand that you don't want to destroy this guys career cause he has a 6 year old !!! just what in the sam hill heck do you think he is doing to your marriage !!! As someone else on here before has said " go find the jar where your wife has hid your balls" and expose him to work, your wifes family, preacher, don't give a crap who it is you tell...gotta go nuclear to "try" to end this...also peolpe unuslly feel save in their cars, strap a var under her seat...