02-11-2012, 12:34 PM
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#6 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Henniker, the only one on Earth
Posts: 3,158
|  Re: am i wrong for being a little peeved about this?
When I find myself getting upset about a change in schedule, one that I can accommodate and I have advance notice about and have to agree to in any case, I always ask my kids what they think of the change in plans, and I am careful not to frame it. Usually the kids are flexible, and can think of something they want to do with me on that night. If I had something to do on a regularly scheduled date, I would say I couldn't accommodate, if their dad pressured then I would suggest he help me out with a sitter, IF I could get one. Sometimes if I don't want him to know what I'm doing or where I'm going with my time, I'll get a sitter and call it good. It's just the price of privacy. I think in the past he would kind of switch things up as a way to find out if I was doing something on a particular night or holiday...do you think your ex is doing that? Switching the date on purpose to find out if you can accommodate, or trying to undermine your own evening? I try not to take these situations personally, some of them remind me why I left the relationship in the first place. Ex's don't change when they become ex's, they stay exactly the same people they were before, when it comes to your relationship and how they communicate with and treat you. Of course, you can respond differently, given your own space and perspective and relative lack of dependency. Remember that anger is a gift you give someone, it's pretty much the same as licking their feet, when it comes to acknowledging their power over you, by their actions/words... (at least that is what I keep repeating to myself!)
Yes, of course you are peeved. That's the point, really. He is going out and he's rubbing it in that you're not and if you were he is taking advantage of your inclination to be concerned about your child's emotional health (using something natural and normal in a way that hurts you). But there is nothing you can do about that. If you feed into it, he will remember that it works to get your attention...and negative attention is better than no attention at all!
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