bennytfixxer

Here the problem I need help with.

This previous weekend my wife and I had some friends over. My wife had invited her friend from another town and she was spending the night. Things were like times before, everybody drank and had a blast. Later in the evening after all had left for the night I proceeded to go upstairs to bed. I crawled into bed and noticed that there where two naked women (my wife and her friend) embraced in passion. It took me a minute to figure out what the hell was going on. When I did finally get what was going on I lost my mind, it resulted in her friend leaving, 4 new holes in the walls, needing 2 new doors and possible broken hand.

I know that my reaction was I little extreme. I have battle with anger issues all my life. I was doing quite well until recently. I want to be crystal clear here, I did not raise a hand to my wife or her friend. I was raised better than that.

After things settled me and my wife spent a good part of the day discussing what went on the previous evening. I don't know why reacted that way, many men would probably be jealous however I didn't see it that way. But she let me know that it was something that she had wanted to do for some time and thought that I would be OK with it.

I know things will work out, I am confident in that. What I don't know what to do is how? Does anyone have advice in this? Do I press the issue, do I go to counselling? I am sorta lost as I don't know of anyone that has had this happen to them. It's kinda a different item.


Please respond if you may offer any in site.

SunnyT

I think you both go to counseling. Why would wife think having sex with someone else is automatically acceptable? What if you brought another person into your bed without her permission? Makes no sense.

Lydia

If you do not feel comfortable with the situation, she needs to have no contact with that friend, ever for any reason whatsoever.

__________________
*Lydia

the guy

Shame on her for not discussing this first, and shame on you for getting violent with the walls and doors.

There is enough shame that tells me there is a serious lack of cummunication between the two of you, and it will do your marriage a great service to find a pro that can teach you these skills.

BTW, anger managemenr worked wonders for me in my professional life, in my marriage, and with my kids. Go check it out.

I would have been pissed too, it would have been alot different if we talked first and worked out some details. I would also be pissed at said friend for not talking to me and showing this kind of disrespect for me and my marriage.

synthetic

you could at least have banged them both before going for the walls and doors!

I would be pissed off too. probably just as angry
Posted via Mobile Device

jnj express

You are taking your wife having sex with another person, pretty lightly---so you banged the walls, but you sure as he*l didn't come down on your wife

Or please tell me if I am wrong, in that it says somewhere in your sacred wedding vows, that its OK, to have sex with others, whether they be man or woman

Do you not think you could lose your wife, to a lesbian relationship, cuz if you don't, you better wake up, and get your head out of the sand.

I sure as he*l hope you ain't got any kids, in your mge.

You better get very harsh, very quick, or this is not the last you have heard/seen of your wife's lover.

bennytfixxer

Thanks for all the advice. We are working hard on things.

The Gottman Institute

I think each of us has different ideas about what kind of problems that we can deal with on our own. If you feel totally lost and without direction, it might be wise to find someone to speak with. It sounds like you're willing to do what it takes to make things work. Hopefully your wife is too.