Wife Calls Me Names
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Like Tree2Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-15-2012, 01:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 135
Default Wife Calls Me Names

When we have an argument, my wife calls me names. She says I am a moron and an idiot. She's explained to me that when I am acting like one she is going to call me one. I've asked that she stop as it hurts my feelings. You may read our whole story in the infidelity section. It will help you to understand that although I know I deserve this, I still can't help but ask her to stop. It hurts

She says she doesn't mean I am an idiot all the time just in that moment. But she doesn't say "you're being such an idiot right now" she says "oh my god your such an idiot" or something to that effect. Any other ideas?
matman is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-15-2012, 01:23 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Kurosity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 630
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

She really needs to stop and you do have the right to ask that of her. Despite what you have done or she has done name calling even in the heat of a dissagreement is not helathy for either of you. You do not deserve to be treated like that reguardless of what is going on.

Try talking to her some more on the subject because even if she thinks in the moment you are acting like an idiot to call you one is not ok. There are so many words that one can use to express their feelings/ dislikes but none have to be belittling or mean. Try talking to her and give her time to correct this behavior because it sounds like she has a habit and thoes take a while to break. Still does not make it ok to do.

Good luck.
Kurosity is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 01:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Enchantment's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,350
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

I'm not sure why you think you should deserve this kind of treatment. No one deserves to be called names and treated disrespectfully.

You don't have to tolerate it. Simply hold up your hand in a 'stop' gesture, say in a calm, confident voice "I realize you are upset now. We can talk later after you've calmed down and can talk respectfully.", walk away (out the door for a while if you need to), and simply lather, rinse, repeat. Practice doing it on your own in front of a mirror, and then consistently implement.

Best wishes.
__________________
Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith
Enchantment is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 01:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 135
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

I talked with her extensively last night about it. Her response is that because of everything she is not going to sugarcoat things for me. She told me that if I can't deal with it to bad, I'll just have to get over it. She isn't going to "hold back" and if "I think you're being an idiot, I'm going to call you one" I feel like I've made it very clear how it makes me feel and that she just doesn't care. I am looking for some sort of creative alternative. Another way to get the point across.
matman is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 01:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 265
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

If you know you deserve being called an idiot, yet you don't like it when you're being called an idiot, then stop acting like an idiot and she'll stop calling you an idiot.
hisfac is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 01:29 PM   #6 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Montreal
Posts: 2,607
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

My mother called us names for years; I vowed never to do it to my kids or my husband, and I don't. Your wife needs to learn how to control herself! She's being downright disrespectful!
CandieGirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 01:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 135
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

hisfac. I don't feel like i am being an idiot. I say I deserve it because of the way I treated her in the past. She has the right to treat me how she wants. I just wish she wouldn't. I guess I should stop whining.

Candie. I realize she's being disrespectful but she doesn't feel as if she needs to be respectful of me, again because of how I've treated her in the past.
matman is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 01:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Enchantment's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,350
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

Quote:
Originally Posted by matman View Post
I talked with her extensively last night about it. Her response is that because of everything she is not going to sugarcoat things for me. She told me that if I can't deal with it to bad, I'll just have to get over it. She isn't going to "hold back" and if "I think you're being an idiot, I'm going to call you one" I feel like I've made it very clear how it makes me feel and that she just doesn't care. I am looking for some sort of creative alternative. Another way to get the point across.
Follow the technique that I gave you.

YOU need to resort to ACTION in order to get this to stop. Talking about how you feel about it with a plea for her to stop is obviously not working. Instead, implement in your actions that this is unacceptable behaviour on her part.

Again, calmly and confidently state that you will not talk with her if she continues to talk disrespectfully to you, walk away if she escalates, maintain YOUR dignity and self-respect throughout. SHOW her that you are a guy that has his act together and is worthy of respect.

Go to the Men's Clubhouse sub-forum and look at the sticky thread at the top entitled "The Man Up and Nice Guy Reference". Read the thread in that about fitness testing for techniques you can use in these kinds of circumstances.

Best wishes.
__________________
Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith
Enchantment is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 01:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Enchantment's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,350
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

Quote:
Originally Posted by matman View Post
I don't feel like i am being an idiot. I say I deserve it because of the way I treated her in the past. She has the right to treat me how she wants. I just wish she wouldn't. I guess I should stop whining.
Hi matman ~

I don't know your back story - haven't had a chance to look through it yet.

BUT, I do believe that even if you may have messed up or were less than perfect or even completely awful at times in the past DOES NOT mean that someone has free license to treat you disrespectfully and abuse you verbally/emotionally.

I hope that you will be able to believe that, because it is your current inability to believe that that is fostering and enabling her backtalk. I hope that you can find your own value within yourself and your self-respect again.

"He that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce." ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Best wishes.
__________________
Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith
Enchantment is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 01:46 PM   #10 (permalink)
MSP
Member
 
MSP's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 845
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

Your wife has no respect for you. From reading your older thread about sex where you said that your wife used to use sex to get a feeling of companionship, I'd say that she is also having trouble bonding with you in any meaningful way--not uncommon for someone with that type of past.

Do the ManUp stuff, read MMSL, have lots of foreplay during sex.
MSP is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 01:51 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Detroit
Posts: 141
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

Name calling is a control technique. She does it to belittle and get the upper hand in a situation. It is hard to see, and even harer to change.

It is not an appropriate way for her to address you, can you have her come here and post?

I used to namecall. Quite a bit, (sometimes little names, somtimes big no-nos.) It ended badly for me and my (at the time) good marriage. At the time I did not understand the dynamic.

Labeling and know-it-alling around her is not going to benefit you, either.
Nor is your whining about it. You will both need a plan of action to help you guys move forward.
DocHoliday is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 02:01 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Kurosity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 630
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

Not sugar coating things does not mean one calls the other names. How hard is it to say, "I really do not like the way you are acting." rather then, "You are an idiot."

You need to stop thinking you deserve poor treatment. You need to stand up for your self and just because you made some mistake does not give your wife the green light to hurt you in such a way. You have told her how you feel and she refuses to respect you. Don't become a door matt for her to walk all over.

Take the advice given above. If name calling starts end the conversation in a polite and calm way. .
Kurosity is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 02:14 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
abandonedcompletely's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 102
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by matman View Post
When we have an argument, my wife calls me names. She says I am a moron and an idiot. She's explained to me that when I am acting like one she is going to call me one. I've asked that she stop as it hurts my feelings. You may read our whole story in the infidelity section. It will help you to understand that although I know I deserve this, I still can't help but ask her to stop. It hurts

She says she doesn't mean I am an idiot all the time just in that moment. But she doesn't say "you're being such an idiot right now" she says "oh my god your such an idiot" or something to that effect. Any other ideas?
I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't believe in name calling, regardless how upset I am.

Your wife should be able to discuss her thoughts and feelings without resorting to name calling.

My motto is "speak the truth with love"

You have every right to want to be spoken to in a respectful way.
Posted via Mobile Device
abandonedcompletely is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 02:28 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Runs like Dog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Redneckistan
Posts: 7,688
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

Luckily my wife flips out in French and my French is not very good. Most of my expletives are in Russian and Polish. Which she doesn't know. And if all else fails, the Arabic 'kusemek' is a general purpose curse word. We neither of us take any of it very seriously. It think the key is to distinguish anger from hate.
__________________
The day that Elvis died was like a mercy killing/America breathed a sigh of relief/We knew all about the drugs and the Vegas shows/And there wasn't much of anything that looked like grief
Runs like Dog is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-15-2012, 02:32 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 72
Default Re: Wife Calls Me Names

Quote:
Originally Posted by DocHoliday View Post
Name calling is a control technique. She does it to belittle and get the upper hand in a situation. It is hard to see, and even harer to change.

It is not an appropriate way for her to address you, can you have her come here and post?

I used to namecall. Quite a bit, (sometimes little names, somtimes big no-nos.) It ended badly for me and my (at the time) good marriage. At the time I did not understand the dynamic.

Labeling and know-it-alling around her is not going to benefit you, either.
Nor is your whining about it. You will both need a plan of action to help you guys move forward.



Are you still married? If so, how did you wife get over it?
nicole2011 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Names for breasts MattMatt The Social Spot 63 12-31-2012 11:25 PM
Wife Travels - Never Calls To Talk To Kids twinsfan34 General Relationship Discussion 40 12-16-2011 09:55 AM
My Husband calls me HORRIBLE NAMES lynn711 Considering Divorce or Separation 3 02-06-2011 05:34 PM
my wife calls out names in her sleep mr2u General Relationship Discussion 5 07-07-2010 10:18 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:12 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.