General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Methinks you shouldn't have told her about FB and just monitored it for a week. If something was up, you are most liklely not going to find out about it since she's hip to you.
But who knows. Maybe nothing is going on. It all seems so strange though.
I read onec, sometimes the most logical explaination for something is exactly what it seems........ :/
Yup. I ransacked the house of a boyfriend with the help of my best friend once. We went through everything, drawers, computers, boxes of photos...put it all back very neatly, but when he asked what the two of us had done while he'd been away, I said:
"We ransacked the whole house. Went through everything, drawers, cupboards, computers, photos..."
Agreed. I don't think I have anything to apologize for. Especially in the way I presented to her- not accusing- but saying it was a concern - and also said if there was something that I was doing I would expect her to tell me what it was so we could discuss. So I need to go home from my job soon- any advice on what my attitude should be when I walk in the door? Obviously by her lack of texting etc to me do far today i am assuming she is really upset. Posted via Mobile Device
Maybe you should turn this around on her a little so that she's more worried about you being upset, rather than play her silly game of "How dare you accuse me???".
Something's not right here, and I do believe you already know that.
Her explanation of family/friends doesn't explain why she jumps when you enter the room and starts closing pages. Did you talk about that at all?
She is upset because she knows that whatever she is doing is wrong, even if it is just obsessively checking facebook for innocent messages from friends. She is probably embarrassed that this has become such a problem that you suspected her of cheating and deep down she must know how you could jump to such a conclusion. She is either guilty of cheating or not (still sounds like a very real possibility) but she is doing something that is hurting the marriage.
If I were you, I wouldn't act overly apologetic because you didn't do anything wrong. She asked you what was on your mind and you told her your concerns. She should be the one apologizing that at the very least, her facebook addiction has become a problem in the marriage that she needs to fix. I would lie low for a while and see what happens next. If she plays the "wounded" card for too long, I would be very suspicious that she is using this to distract you from the real issue.
I do know something is not quite right now because of attitude-unwillingness to discuss my concern and now by her lack of communication today- a clearcut signal from her to me that she is either pissed off or hurt or both. So again my question to those who have been through this obvious attempt at blame shifting what should my attitude be when I walk in? Posted via Mobile Device
Agreed. I don't think I have anything to apologize for. Especially in the way I presented to her- not accusing- but saying it was a concern - and also said if there was something that I was doing I would expect her to tell me what it was so we could discuss. So I need to go home from my job soon- any advice on what my attitude should be when I walk in the door? Obviously by her lack of texting etc to me do far today i am assuming she is really upset. Posted via Mobile Device
Just go about your day. She'll be waiting for you to ask why she didn't text. Don't bring it up. If she ignores you when you speak about mundane things, just walk away. She wants to be in control so her faults won't take center stage. Supposing there isn't an affair, the main issue is STILL hers to own. Be ready to respond to her anger.
Her: How DARE you accuse me of hiding things after 16 years!?! I've NEVER given you any reason!
You: I won't apologize for sharing my feelings. You've been spending too much time on facebook. Do you need time to calm down before we discuss it?
If she flips, stay calm. Tell her you want to talk with her when she's in a better place and walk away. You do NOT have to put up with her yelling. If at any point you're feeling like you may react emotionally instead of logically, excuse yourself. You need to show her complete confidence.
I do know something is not quite right now because of attitude-unwillingness to discuss my concern and now by her lack of communication today- a clearcut signal from her to me that she is either pissed off or hurt or both. So again my question to those who have been through this obvious attempt at blame shifting orphan should my attitude be when I walk in? Posted via Mobile Device
Honestly? I wouldn't be walking in at all, I'd be letting her stew on her own awhile. She's taken complete control of the situation, and now she's making you chase her, to see what's wrong. Blameshifting, tableturning, gaslighting...cribnotes for cheaters! Or at the very least, liars.
Get ready for the 'friend' who is going through some really tough times and she's just there for him...
U mean not go home until unless I hear from her? I could do that very easily. My buddy who I work just saw your post and he is single and said hey- come home and stay with me. Posted via Mobile Device
U mean not go home until unless I hear from her? I could do that very easily. My buddy who I work just saw your post and he is single and said hey- come home and stay with me. Posted via Mobile Device
No, I wouldn't go home, I'd let her stew. She's trying to punish you by not talking to you today, yet she's the one in the wrong.
When she starts texting asking where you are, tell her you'll be home when she's ready to sit down and have a long talk about what's been going on on Facebook.
Now she knows you're on to her, you might as well have it out.
U mean not go home until unless I hear from her? I could do that very easily. My buddy who I work just saw your post and he is single and said hey- come home and stay with me.
Yes that's exactly what I'd do.
Do you get WHY you have to do this?
This isn't about revenge it's about the part where she just turned this around and made it be about YOU. Totally unacceptable.
Her: How DARE you accuse me of hiding things after 16 years!?! I've NEVER given you any reason!
You: I won't apologize for sharing my feelings. You've been spending too much time on facebook. Do you need time to calm down before we discuss it?
If she flips, stay calm. Tell her you want to talk with her when she's in a better place and walk away. You do NOT have to put up with her yelling. If at any point you're feeling like you may react emotionally instead of logically, excuse yourself. You need to show her complete confidence.
Fireplace Man, this is your script. Live by this. Do not lose your temper, do not admit you did anything wrong, by no means say you're sorry for anything because this is about her behavior, not yours. You did nothing wrong, reiterate that in your mind.
I should add that because we haven't spoken -she has no idea if I saw something I didn't like. Any shot that u think she be afraid to contact me as she usually does many times during the work day? As I said earlier I saw nothing and she doesn't even know if I looked. Posted via Mobile Device
This isn't about revenge it's about the part where she just turned this around and made it be about YOU. Totally unacceptable.
I wouldn't be so sure. Does anyone who has more experience comment on this. Could the wife accuse him of separation or abondment on the basis of one or more evenings away?
I wouldn't be so sure. Does anyone who has more experience comment on this. Could the wife accuse him of separation or abondment on the basis of one or more evenings away?
I'm not suggesting he spend the night. Nope. Just come home a couple of hours late. That would work. No point pulling out the big guns just yet. Start small.
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Re: Facebook Problem with Wife 
