Tall Average Guy

I disagree slightly with some of the advice you have gotten. You did not do anything wrong, so I would not leave your home.

I would avoid engaging her. Stay out late for dinner and/or drinks with friends. Arrive home late, and do not discuss the issue unless she is willing to address your concerns. Separate bedrooms if necessary.

I don't like the idea of you being chased out of your home because of soemthing that she did. You have nothing to be afraid of or regret.

Thor

No I say go home and be as normal and happy as you can. Not fake, just don't let her mood drag you down or make you anxious. You did nothing wrong, so don't tip toe around her!

Fireplace Man

Lots of mixed opinion. What u think if I go home at normal time-it will take me 10 seconds to see what her attitude is. If its hostile I just turn around and go out and have some beers and a nice steak with my buddies. If she is ok- maybe I should hang out to see what she says if anything next?

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Kricket

Let me get this straight, the only thing you know that your wife is guilty of is spending too much time on FB and giving you the silent treatment? I don't think it is fair to not come home. She could really be just embarrassed that you picked up on her FB addiction. I think the best reaction on your part is to go home, but go about your own business. Tell her that you will be available to talk when she is ready to be totally open. If she is 100% innocent of any real wrong doing, then staying away from home will only build confusion and resentment on her part.

There is a saying that those who are suspicious and accusing of another's actions, are only so because they are already guilty themselves. My point is if you continue to punish her for something she may have not done, she may start to think that you have something to be guilty of yourself. Playing silent power games is not going to get anything accomplished. Communication is the key, you just have to get to her to come out of her silent mode on her own.

I understand that this Man-up approach does work in many situations, but I will give you a scenario if I were in your wife's shoes (assuming she is innocent of an EA of course). If my husband walked behind me right now, I would most likely minimize my screen. I am doing nothing wrong, but it doesn't mean that I want my husband to read everything I post on this site. In fact, I did a survey one time on here and found that most people on here keep this site a secret from their spouse. None of these people are doing anything wrong and most learn how to make their relationships better. Now if my husband were to get upset and start thinking I was doing something wrong and I reacted like your wife, the worst thing he could do is stay away. I would just stew and escalate the situation in my mind. Before I knew it, I would be trying to figure out how I would make it as a single mom because my husband has lost his mind and I don't think I would be able to live with a man who doesn't trust me when I have done nothing wrong. All it takes is one discussion with my husband and things clear up and those thoughts and feelings are history.

If you really do suspect malicious activities, then obviously you have to take a different route than what I am suggesting. Just remember 16 years is a lot of time to build trust and you don't want to tear it all down in one week.

Thor

I agree with your post that he should go home and be normal. Staying away in this situation is not a "Man-up", it is passive aggressive or a mind game.

No More Mr. Nice Guy would probably advocate he go home and be as naturally cheerful and normal as possible. Don't let her mood dictate his moods. Don't react, and don't modify what you do based on her possible mood. Don't be a mind reader. Be direct, and be your natural authentic self.

TRy

She is over reacting for someone that has done nothing wrong. Her showing you now does not explain her hiding the screen in the past. She obviously noticed your concern enough to bring it up, and would know what your concern was before you told her. Her showing you after she has had a chance to clean everything up, does not put her in the clear.

Do not back down. Do not avoid her. Go home and act normal. If she acts angry man up and tell her she has no right to act this way as your concern was reasonable. Tell her that it would be best for both of you to have complete transparency going forward. No hiding online or phone activities from each other. Sharing all passwords etc. Insist on this going forward. The more angry she gets the more likely she is doing something wrong. Do not let her anger change your mind. Man up here. If you are wrong about her cheating, that is nothing to damaging your marriage as compared to if you are right and do nothing about it. Stand your ground here. Many couples have complete transparency rules with no cheating suspected. When I asked this of my wife she readily agreed saying why would she care if I saw what she writes. In fact she though we already had an informal understand of this all along.

You have done nothing wrong. You are not being unreasonable. Her anger in response is very concerning.

Jellybeans

Go home.
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Thewife

you should go home, don't add more hurt to the situation. I was at one point frequenting fb because of some friends and family until my H had to ask me if I am "addicted". I have also shut down the pc as he walked in as I do not want him to see some family issues (my parents) that I am commenting on (he doesn't like me giving suggestions to them). So please give her some time to realize what actually went wrong and not make too serious. Remember you don't have any proof of OM here and neither can you rule it out completely at this point but get back into life again as usual and things can unfold if there is something.

__________________
"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."

Fireplace Man

Going home now. Stopped to have a bite to eat and a beer with the boys. BTW- still no calls or texts from her.
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Fireplace Man

Hi all:
Got home. She was cold as ice. I went in as normal as possible. Said hi whats up? Barely said hi back in low voicea and didn't even look up. Enough of this foolish attitude. Went upstairs showered changed. Didn't say another word just walked out the door without saying a thing and am back with four close buddies at local watering hole. Debating if I even want to back there tonight. Easily can stay at buddies house. Thoughts here?

WhereAmI

Do you typically stay out without informing your wife? Do you stay at your buddy's house without giving any sort of notice? You need to play this as you would if nothing was going on. If staying out will ultimately cause more problems and give her ammo for blameshifting, don't do it. Besides, nothing says "I've got this under control" more than a man going home and sleeping soundly in his own bed. Being home and not apologizing for speaking up is far more effective than running away. Face your W.
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Thewife

Didn't you ask if she's ready to talk or something? She is mad for her own reasons did you give her enough time to gather herself and come and talk to you?

__________________
"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."

Thewife

__________________
"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."

chapparal

Now that she knows you are concerned with her facebook routine you need to explain to her that what you find so troubling is why she hides it when you come into the room. If she is doing what she says she is doing why is she keeping it a secret? If she says she showed you everything tell her she had plenty of time to delete anything at all. But the number one thing is why she has gone ballistic over your simple questions. Tell her she has guilt written all over her. What would she do in your place. Do not do this by text/email where she can consider a reply and hide her body language. At this point all you have is your gut to rely on.

With her reaction I see no choice but install a good keylogger.

What do your budddies think?

Fireplace Man

Yes gave her plenty of time to say something. Like 15 minutes reading the paper in the kitchen. Obvious she wasnt going to say a thing. Even walked by me once without saying a thing. Im debating not going back there only because Im pissed and really dont want to even see her right now. I didnt do a thing wrong except tell her that i had a concern. And she is the one that wants to be upset with me?