She is overreacting badly, you have to wonder why. Figure out the keylogger. Check phone/text records and put a voice activated recorder velcroed under her car seat. GPS too on her phone, car or both. Otherwise your going to drive yourself crazy with doubt.
Another day- no texts or calls from her. Standing my ground here. I did nothing wrong but voice a concern. Have no idea where this is headed.
When your wife asks how dare you question her after all these years of her giving you no reason not to trust her, turn it around on her and say the fact that you have never questioned before proves that you are a reasonable person. Tell her that you are questioning her now for the first time because it is reasonable to do so based on her actions.
Facebook is by far the #1 reason for divorce in the United States since it's inception. It offers so many ways to connect that no one can see i.e., chat, secret pages, closed groups, private message and so on.
I too have a facebook addicted spouse. You can see my story in the ADDICTION board under "Addicted To Facebook".
Your dilemma is a bit different as I can see most everything he posts-it's just that he spends every waking moment some days and in the face of the threat of divorce, he won't stop. We can be playing a game with his daughter and he has to have the laptop nearby so he can refresh every couple of minutes. Maddening.
My advice to you is to heed these replies of the red flag. There obviously IS something to hide and asking will only present you with a sterile page of posts or emails that will put you in a position of having to defend yourself for even thinking something wrong was happening.
Go to a computer store or get online and research keystroke loggers. Find one you feel comfortable with and install it on her computer when you can. You should be able to log in from your own and see a mirror image. At the very least-you will be able to copy the passwords. Good luck.
Sorry, just caught up with this whole thread. Yes, she is badly overreacting-but to me, that is part of the defensive patterns. What she presented you with is a sterile laptop. Go ahead and look she said. It's because everything is deleted hourly, daily, etc. except the normal stuff that will always be there.
Put on the logger...and just sit back and wait to see. Don't show your hand again tho.
(On a personal note-when I told my husband to get off of the facebook page he spent so much time with, he put his fist through the wall. Defensive pattern again)
Fireplace Man, I am going to lay this out for you very clearly and bluntly... and I wish it weren't the case... but I am really starting to think that she is involved with another guy. And every single day that goes by that you do not have that keylogger installed on the computer, you are wasting precious time of gathering crucial evidence of her cheating. Let me point out to your attention the red flags from your very own words...
Originally Posted by Fireplace Man
Came home last night around 11:30 PM. When I pulled up the street into the driveway, I could see that my wife was back in the computer room.
By the time I pulled into the garage and got into the house, evetything was dark and she was upstairs. I went up, and she was in bed, lights off acting like she was sleeping.
There is absolutely no reason to to act this suspicious unless she had something to hide from you. Now she's avoiding you completely. If she's having an affair, it is now escalating big time. You better start gathering evidence NOW. You don't have a leg to stand on without evidence, and confronting her on your suspicions will yield no truth for you as you've already tried this and failed.
Originally Posted by Fireplace Man
This morning, she was in shower and out of house (I assume to work) by 6:30 AM, I know she starts around 8:30 AM so this is an hour and a half earlier than usual.
Great observation here... seems to me like plenty of time for a quick early-morning rendezvous with the OM. And since now that she's pissed off at your prior questioning, she's probably actively trying to pursue this affair to the highest degree since her emotions are running wild. So what are you going to do about it? Sit around and keep wondering or get that freakin' keylogger installed to gather your proof?
Originally Posted by Fireplace Man
One thing I do know as I looked out the window as she was getting in her car, she was dressed to kill.... Unless they have an early meeting at work...
Nope... I highly doubt any meetings at work start an hour and a half ahead of schedule. She's dressed to kill because she is going to meet the OM for an early morning rendezvous. And now that she's pissed at you she's probably venting her anger by using the OM as her sex outlet. This situation is becoming dire. You may need to find a way to follow her if you can't get a keylogger installed soon. Heck, you should consider it anyway at this stage of concern. HUGE RED FLAG.
Go to sourceforge.net - It is an open source site full of freeware and they have keyloggers you can download and install. At least then you don't have to waste any more time running out and buying one, you can try your luck with a freebie.
Something is definitely going on. You need to install the keylogger.
Have you investigated at all to see if she could have a secret facebook account that you don't know about?
Have you looked at her text messages? Do you have access to the phone bill to review what phone numbers she has been texting/calling consistently?
I also agree with getting a voice activated recorder for her car and possibly even the computer room.
You not being home is giving her ample opportunity to turn her possible affair into a full blown affair, and I'm pretty sure something is going on that isn't normal. This is not normal behavior or normal response - the normal response would be concern and her WANTING to clear the air by talking about it.
She's trying to shut you down and probably enjoying every min of her new found freedom since you have been staying away from the home.
Get the keylogger installed/if you have a buddy or someone who can do it for you, do it.
Get a voice activated recorder.
Review her phone logs.
Investigate if she has any other email addresses or facebook that she uses that you don't know about.
Wife came home at usual time last night. Before I even had a chance to say anything, she said "you hurt me more the other night than you have in 16 years. Im a good wife and mother, never gave you a moment of doubt, and you have suspicions of what Im doing on a computer"? I dont want to talk about this, I told u that i was talking to my family&friends and if u dont beleive that then I dont know what to say. Im done with the computer, its not worth it." She handed me the laptop, and said do what you want with it because I dont want it anymore."
With that she made dinner without saying a word, talked to the kids, and said she was tired and went to bed early. By the way, I heard her tell my daughter, and she is not overly religious, but goes to church on Sunday's, that she got up early yesterday and went to 7AM mass, becuase Lent started on Wednesday and she couldnt go to mass today becuase she had training in work starting at 730. I know that is true because that happens once a month on a Wednesday.
Now I dont know if Im a jerk for suspecting her or a jerk for trying to believe her?