General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I somewhat 'conceal' this from my husband too...but if he ever asked me what I was doing, I'd tell him. He knows I'm a part of a forum for marriages, but I've not gone into detail about the problems I've disclosed. Since it's anonymous, he'd be OK with it. He sure doesn't like me b!tching to my girlfriends, so it's either this or that!
Do you think she'd be that embarassed about farmville, or mafiagames or whatever other silly games are on there?
I saw that one of u spoke of a keylogger, never heard that term so I googled it to see what it is. Do u feel that I am at that point already? Even if I went that route-she has own password protected computer so I don't think I could access it even if I were to even think about doing that. Seeing most replies y'all have given I feel better that I not just paranoid.
Think about it this way. If she's hiding something - and we all agree that she is - it's a bad thing for the marriage. As the other person in the marriage, if she won't show you what she's hiding, it's your job to protect and defend the marriage and do whatever it takes to bring what she's hiding out into the daylight.
You're at the point where you know there is something you don't know and you must do whatever it takes to rectify that. You're not paranoid.
I saw that one of u spoke of a keylogger, never heard that term so I googled it to see what it is. Do u feel that I am at that point already? Even if I went that route-she has own password protected computer so I don't think I could access it even if I were to even think about doing that. Seeing most replies y'all have given I feel better that I not just paranoid.
You don't need a keylogger on her computer to know for a fact that she's up to no good.
She's keeping secrets from you.
She's logging into chat every 15 min.
She's got the "uh oh" look when you walk in on her.
She shuts it down when you come in or are around.
What more do you need to see? She's not chatting it up with another woman on there... she's having a full blown emotional affair right under your nose. She doesn't need to leave the house to get her fix. Not yet anyway.
You're not being paranoid. Her behavior is very suspect and you should be concerned. Like Misty's Dad, I'm far more confrontational with things like this. I would approach it just as he would. Her responses would tell me everything I needed to know.
I saw that one of u spoke of a keylogger, never heard that term so I googled it to see what it is. Do u feel that I am at that point already? Even if I went that route-she has own password protected computer so I don't think I could access it even if I were to even think about doing that. Seeing most replies y'all have given I feel better that I not just paranoid.
based on what you say then yes you should install a keylogger
DO NOT TELL HER that you have the program (be sure to delete the download history and site visited)
if nothing turns up then great- remove the program and have a talk about shared boundaries and secrecy (privacy is not secrecy)
if something turns up do NOT panic and confront then and there- come back read the CWI newbie link in my signature and post in that section- we will help you
She's probably complaining about you to someone else and doesn't want you to see it. Just a thought. Everything doesn't always have to be about an affair, but who knows.
But no matter what she tellls me if I confront her I have no way of validating. I'm sure if I ask her what she's been doing on FB, she will say nothing. Although not confrontational, I've asked before and she said "oh nothing special."
She's probably complaining about you to someone else and doesn't want you to see it. Just a thought. Everything doesn't always have to be about an affair, but who knows.
Problem with that is if that someone is of the opposite sex this is the last stop before the EA train leaves the station.
But no matter what she tellls me if I confront her I have no way of validating. I'm sure if I ask her what she's been doing on FB, she will say nothing. Although not confrontational, I've asked before and she said "oh nothing special."
it's possible she has been deleting chat history and mail anyways, the keylogger will show you what she types
But no matter what she tellls me if I confront her I have no way of validating. I'm sure if I ask her what she's been doing on FB, she will say nothing. Although not confrontational, I've asked before and she said "oh nothing special."
"Great! But it really bothers me that you've suddenly become so secretive about what it is exactly that you're doing on there! Call me paranoid...mind if I take a looksee? Just to ease my troubled mind."
If there's nothing untoward going on, she'll gladly hand it over. If she freaks and starts getting defensive, there's your answer right there.
Of course, if you want all the gritty details, by all means, get a keylogger, etc. I put one on our PC when I suspected my H of an EA. All I found were trips to the porn sites. Still, it eased my mind that at least there was no one else.
Starting to get a ltltle paranoid here.
No question if she's talking to someone, talking to her girlfriends or anyone else she is very secret and squirmish about it.
I really feel like the keylogger idea is sort of the nuclear option. You are upset that your wife is doing something secretive behind your back, so you sink to her level and do something secretive behind hers. I understand sometimes it's necessary but still, I really think that is the last resort.
You are not bothered about the what she is doing on Facebook because you don't know what she's doing on Facebook. You are bothered about the secrecy and feel like she's hiding things. I like Candie's idea about just talking about it from that angle.
unacceptable!!!! She is acting like a teenager hiding stuff from her parents. Facebook is the least of your problems. You are dealing with a child here who needs to grow up. Do you have kids?
Are you sure it's facebook where she is writting stuff. Could it be that she is a member at a forum like this? Does she know that you write on this forum? Maybe it's something harmless she is doing, but she needs to let you know what it is. You are a married couple and should share everything with each other.
Starting to get a ltltle paranoid here.
No question if she's talking to someone, talking to her girlfriends or anyone else she is very secret and squirmish about it.
You know this is a red flag or you wouldn't be here. Remember you're not the one putting the suspicion in your mind - she is. Classic cheater behavior is to try to convince you that there is nothing going on and you're crazy/controlling for thinking so. This is so common we've even got a term for it - gas lighting.
How you proceed is up to you based on what you know, how you think she'll respond and how you're comfortable attacking the problem. But you must proceed and do not delay - if it is an EA they progress at alarming speed and every day the get deeper they are that much harder to break when it comes to the surface.
Just to give you some idea, my EA was with an old high school flame I hadn't thought of in 20 years. Out of the blue she sent me a friend request on facebook - 10 days later - 10 DAYS!!! - we were exchanging I love you's and having cyber sex. Get moving.
Yes, we have kids (12 & 15). I am certain that it is the FB page each and everytime. I can clearly see that when I walk in. Never seen anything but FB and I must have walked in there 500 times in the last month.
133Likes
Re: Facebook Problem with Wife 
