Facebook Problem with Wife

Almostrecovered · 02-16-2012, 02:59 PM

btw- the smoking gun that blew the lid off my my wife's PA was when I logged into her account at the same time she was on chatting with OM, it was only because I witnessed the chat live. She deleted the chat before she logged off.

sigma1299 · 02-16-2012, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Almostrecovered

I still contend having your wife show you her FB will likely yield nothing

If she is having an EA then she is most likely deleting everything as soon as she reads it or replies.

the keylogger is your best bet to find the truth

I have to agree with this - I was a compulsive deleter during my EA - confronting me to show you my computer would have yielded very little unless you happened to ask at exactly the right time.

CandieGirl · 02-16-2012, 03:09 PM

Sigma and AR have a valid point; I'm just too impatient to wait, that's why I say go for it and ask...but yes, it's true, it most likely will yield nothing.

Bottled Up · 02-16-2012, 03:18 PM

Fireplace Man, don't make any confrontation whatsoever until you gather evidence. If you lead on and make her suspicious, it will make it that much harder for you to verify what she's up to as she finds ways to be more sneaky.

Act cool as usual... but install the key-logger... ASAP.

Almostrecovered · 02-16-2012, 03:22 PM

and again, if you find something, do NOT get emotional and act on it right away

come back here and post in CWI and we will help you with what to do next

Almostrecovered · 02-16-2012, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angel5112

But if he catches her in the act, will she really have time to do more than close the chat window? On facebook it saves them, correct? You would have to delete it manually and then close it. At least that is how it used to work. It would save my chats forever.

the other problem of course is what if she is the middle of a chat with a friend having an appropriate chat when he does this? She exclaim that her privacy was invaded and that "see, I am doing nothing" leaving OP to wonder about other chats he hasn't seen

He needs the full picture, any particular gotcha moment will not reveal the facts he needs

sigma1299 · 02-16-2012, 03:31 PM

I'm not sure how it works today - don't have much use for facebook chat or facebook in general now but yeah 18 months ago you're right. I was about to post that the flip side is that if you asked when my computer was in front of me that would have pretty much been the right time any time as if I was on my computer I was almost guaranteed talking to her. The flip flip side is that EA's are as much about building an intimate connection through just sharing random info and chit chat as they are something that in one chat would be catastrophic. My point being that odds are if you had asked all you would have read was basically inane chit chat and some questionable flirting - bad? Sure but it wouldn't have been enough to throw me out. The really bad stuff was less frequent than just shooting the breeze.

desert-rose · 02-16-2012, 03:33 PM

Big red flags. You should get a keylogger and see if she is up to something like an affair. If you find that it's nothing like that, just confess to her that you snooped because you were suspicious and you don't want to damage your marriage by killing trust so you are being honest in telling her and you want to work out your issues regarding intimacy and secrecy.

Are you a controlling guy? Are yall getting along otherwise? If you don't believe she is cheating on you, could she just be venting about marriage problems that she is perceiving or issues with you that she doesn't want you to see? I would have said talk first and snoop later, but cheaters lie and you won't get the truth unless you do some independent sleuthing if infidelity is the case.

Good Luck. At the least, get her into marriage counseling with you.

Fireplace Man · 02-16-2012, 03:43 PM

I think you are right. Paul, I think the keylogger will be the onlysolution short of getting her password. radar is up on this I'm doing detective work.

sigma1299 · 02-16-2012, 03:48 PM

I don't know for sure but you've got a likely suspect. Make sure you know his profile name - you may need it later on.

Shaggy · 02-16-2012, 05:07 PM

Get the key logger. Do a practice install on your own pc first so you cando it quickly on hers.
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Paulination · 02-16-2012, 05:17 PM

Alright guys I just got back from sneaking Web Watcher on her computer. I felt horrible the whole time as if I'm betraying her. I had to keep telling myself that I am not doing this to hurt my marriage, I am doing it to save it.

I'll let you guys know if I find anything.

Fireplace Man · 02-16-2012, 05:17 PM

No suspect. The guy I didnt recognize is her 2nd cousin from California. now i remember who he is and even met him once years ago. barking up wrong tree there.

sigma1299 · 02-16-2012, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulination

Alright guys I just got back from sneaking Web Watcher on her computer. I felt horrible the whole time as if I'm betraying her. I had to keep telling myself that I am not doing this to hurt my marriage, I am doing it to save it.

I'll let you guys know if I find anything.

Inspect what you expect man - it's just good business. Don't feel guilty for even a second.

Hope1964 · 02-16-2012, 05:20 PM

I sure hope you find out it's nothing