OGk

First off I'm new here and want to say hello to everyone.

A bit about myself and my relationship. I'm a 30 year old male who has been married for just about 5 years, we were together for 5 years before we got married. We have two young childeren who are amazing. Our relationship is very strong, the amount of times we have actually fought can be counted on one hand. We spend lots of time together and show a great amount of affection towards each other. We have had a few small ups and downs but I feel this is unavoidable in either a marrage or friendship that has been together for any length of time.

Now for the issue that has come up, or I should say continues to come up...Tattoos! A brief history here. I am a very strong and confident individual and I express myself in many ways including tattoos. When me and my wife met I had 4 tattoos, 1 large, 3 small. I also had 0g ear lobes, for those who dont know what this means...it's a hole about the size of your pinky. Now this didnt seem to be an issue because we hit it off and have never stopped. The problem with tattoos and to a lesser extent the earrings started after about 6 months when I told her about the other tattoo ideas I had for myself, to my shock she replied with "no way tattoos are gross", "I will leave you", etc. I thought this was rather odd but we were both pretty young and I just figured she would lighten up or she was overreacting. Well I was wrong, the subject continued to be brought up by me about every 5 or 6 months and always ended with the same result "tattoos are gross" "no way" "I will leave you" "I don't want to talk about it". Now I am not sure why I didn't just go out and get one but I haven't, I also removed my earrings but that was my choice. At one point she was asking me to have my existing ones removed, I put my foot down and said no way, they are very much a part of me and it hurts me a lot when she talks like that about them. A few times we actually got past the outright rejecting of the idea and discussed me getting a wedding band tattoo and also discussed a possible arm tattoo.

We had another "fight" about it last week when I brought it up again and her reaction again was "no way" "I will leave you" "I don't want to talk about it". I have now reached a point where I dont know what to do. I am very passionate about tattoo's, some of you may understand this, some may not. I am very frustrated and it's starting to strain on our relationship. Any advice would be appreciated.

Oh and for those interested the tattoos I am planning on getting are not small, one is a full sleeve, and one is a leg peice (knee to ankle). However they are very tastefull and she knows this. It's not like I want to get a bunch of naked women riding wolves while spitting fire tattooed on my arm.

Again thank you and good day.

Mavash.

Who marries a man with tattoos only to decide after the fact that they are 'gross'?

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

This is a tough one. My hubby would be very upset if I turned around and got a full sleeved tattoo and another larger one on my leg that's fairly large. They are also expensive and money doesn't fall from the sky.lol

My husband is against tattoo's. I have a small one on my ankle and a couple years ago I was going back and fourth of getting an additional tattoo, which would be hidden under my clothing. He wasn't thrilled about it, but he said to wait a year just to make sure and agreed upon it. I never went fourth and did it.

What your talking about is 2 very large tattoo's. Your wife does not want to look at them for the rest of her life. Maybe you can find a smaller one and where you can somewhat hide it. I do think she has a say in this. I would never get a tattoo if my husband wasn't in agreement with it. I personally think marriage is more important then a tattoo.
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Mistys dad

She has stopped looking at you as her wild boyfriend/husband and started looking at you as her children's father. She may also be getting grief from an outside source (parents, new friends, new job?)

How old is she? Sounds like she may be hitting the "Plan for the future" time.

Tough call. You have the absolute right to do what you want to your own body. But, the question is if your marriage and kids are the cost.

Talk,talk,talk. Find out what tripped her trigger.

__________________
The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?

OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.

dontwanttoloseher

She is. Get a fake tatto and she if she leaves or just threats. I friggin hate the threats!!

OGk

Yes I agree a full sleeve is quite large and noticable and thus might be too much. I would be willing to compromise on this however that isn's an option as she outright rejects even talking about it.


I don't believe it has anyhting to do with her not looking at me as her wild boyfriend/husband. Her opinions on tattoos has always been the same. like I said it gets brought up about once every 6 months. Also we have been on our own for quite a few years, we have purchased 3 homes together and have been very stable for quite some time. No trigger was tripped her opinion has always been the same, since we first started dating it has been an issue and I just figured she would lighten up about it. In my mind I thought it would become a non issue because the tattoos I do have were not enough to make her leave.

Thank you all for your insight. I guess the best course would be to sit down and discuss it and not let her dismiss the conversation.

hisfac

There is nothing tasteful about tatoos of any kind especially a full sleeve and knee to ankle tatoo, especially when you've already got a bunch and you've got holes in your earlobes big enough to sick a finger through.

She's right, you're wrong, drop the whole tatoo idea and get on with your life and more important issues other than permanently defacing your body more than you already have.

Hey you asked.

KanDo

You are being unreasonable. Your wife has told you in no uncertain terms she does not approve of further tattoos. This inking you are wanting is not a small thing and your appearance has implications for her as well. If your wife feels these are gross and disgusting, why in the world would you persist in wanting them? What message are you trying to say with these tattoos. The loudest message I would hear is that you don't respect your wife.

In the end it is your body and your decision; but the consequences are also yours....