04-20-2012, 11:46 AM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Victoria, BC
| | Re: Advice for new marriage
For Carol and I the "secrets" are pretty simple.
We are a team. We behave like one. We recognize that there is no way to "win" in a fight with our spouse. We realize that we can only win or lose together... as a team. Accordingly, the good of the team gets prioritized. What is "good for Carol" or "good for Jeff" is of little concern. Put more simply, we try to be "selfless" in the finest traditions of religions around the world.
When we "pay into the marriage", we do so in the coin of the realm.. What I mean by that is we do not selfishly put into the marriage the thing that we want. Instead, we put in what is needful. That requires understanding each other... deeply. There's a lot of interesting things that stem from that concept like, "how to manufacture free happiness in a marriage".
Finally, we are not interested in a "least common denominator" marriage. We want it all... we want what the poets write about. Accordingly, we take the ridiculous hyperbole that poets have written over the ages and treat it as "really good advice". As another thread said somewhere... we are not interested in a 50/50 marriage. We want 150/150.
The rest all flows from there... great sex... great connectedness... great everything.