happiermarriage

Hello, Nervous Bride

I hope your wedding was great and that now you are on your way to make your married life great!

As a happily married man (for more than 20 years) and a marital therapist, I am glad that you asked these very important questions. You are aware that a happy marriage does not happen automatically and needs maintenance and care.
Most of the advice you got here is sound and helpful. What I would like to add is that it is sometimes difficult to follow the advice and you need to be forgiving towards yourself when things are not perfect.
Like all endeavors, marriage succeeds if you are committed to make it work and even thrive. It must be very high on your priorities list.
Have you ever read books on how to make marriage happy?
If not, I would recommend some and also send you a free short PlayBook for couples ( a WorkBook full of activities for both of you ) which I compiled.
If you are interested please let me know by sending me a message or by mail (ayalonyehuda@gmail.com)

I wish you both lots of happiness!
Yehuda

Jeff/BC

For Carol and I the "secrets" are pretty simple.

We are a team. We behave like one. We recognize that there is no way to "win" in a fight with our spouse. We realize that we can only win or lose together... as a team. Accordingly, the good of the team gets prioritized. What is "good for Carol" or "good for Jeff" is of little concern. Put more simply, we try to be "selfless" in the finest traditions of religions around the world.

When we "pay into the marriage", we do so in the coin of the realm.. What I mean by that is we do not selfishly put into the marriage the thing that we want. Instead, we put in what is needful. That requires understanding each other... deeply. There's a lot of interesting things that stem from that concept like, "how to manufacture free happiness in a marriage".

Finally, we are not interested in a "least common denominator" marriage. We want it all... we want what the poets write about. Accordingly, we take the ridiculous hyperbole that poets have written over the ages and treat it as "really good advice". As another thread said somewhere... we are not interested in a 50/50 marriage. We want 150/150.

The rest all flows from there... great sex... great connectedness... great everything.

Browncoat

Best advice I ever got was: "Pick your battles".

Don't fight on everything, just stand up for what you need and what will make the marriage stronger.

As others have said marriage is work, and that work is done through communication and deeds (based on an outpouring of your love for each other). Never stop communicating.

Don't go to bed angry.

Watch the wallet, if you can help it let the only debt you ever have is a mortgage. Debt can quickly enslave you both, and it's a cruel master. Remember that happiness isn't found in things.

norajane

Let go of the little things, the little irritations that really never matter much in the end.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and treat each other with kindness.

Remember that no one was born and raised to be your perfect partner and to do things exactly the way you always want them, so cut him a little slack and temper your expectations.

DanF

So much good advice here on this thread.
Good for new and existing marriages.

You folks are awesome.

EleGirl

Take a look at the links in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. Get the books that are at the links, read them and do the things the books suggest.

It's the best advice I can give you.

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Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

LadyFrogFlyAway

"A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing." Joey Adams. JK

My fav~ "A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it." John Steinbeck

Love, laugh, learn from each other.

Twenty years married; approximately sixteen really happy. I could give you lots of words but my best advice is to never forget that NEWLY married feeling. Marriage is one situation where you don't want to lose the stars in your eyes.

Congratulations and good luck!

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Pick a tiki....ANY tiki!!

Almostrecovered

1- never be afraid to ask for want you want/need and encourage the same from them
2- establish boundaries and revisit them time to time
3- sex, lots of it

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Newbies please read this
My story

amucher

How do you handle a husband who doesn't communicate well? It's just his personality he doesn't do it with bad intentions....