My SO and I have quite different views on an individual's right to privacy within a relationship, and I know when I've read similar topics on here there have been diverging opinions.
Tonight he accused me of "withholding intimacy" because I asserted (what I believe to be) my right to my privacy. A few nights ago he had asked me what I was reading on my e-reader and I said it was a self-help book, without going into further detail -- it was a book about emotional unavailability. I avoided telling him specifically which book it was because in the past he has immediately personalized the subject ("Oh, so you think I'm emotionally unavailable??") and has also mocked me quite nastily for reading self-help books. I did explain this to him at the time and he denied ever doing it -- he says I must have misunderstood him. There have also been times that he has criticized the novels that he's seen me read, saying that they're "stupid". So I'm a bit wary of revealing my reading material!
Bottom line, unless I'm reading a manifesto on how to murder one's SO and escape undetected , I don't see why it matters what I'm reading. Normally he can just glance at the cover of the book and know the answer in a second; he doesn't have that advantage with the e-reader.
So tonight he started in on me about being secretive and said he had just been making conversation, whereas I was "rude and hostile" by refusing to anwer his question about the book I was reading. I explained that, in a general sense, people have the right to not provide information according to their own boundaries -- he seems to feel that posing the question obligates the other person to answer, that he is somehow entitled to have his curiosity satisfied. The same if he asks me "What are you thinking about?".
He got pissed off and walked out. Over this.
My question: how much privacy can an individual reasonably expect within a relationship?
Tonight he accused me of "withholding intimacy" because I asserted (what I believe to be) my right to my privacy. A few nights ago he had asked me what I was reading on my e-reader and I said it was a self-help book, without going into further detail -- it was a book about emotional unavailability. I avoided telling him specifically which book it was because in the past he has immediately personalized the subject ("Oh, so you think I'm emotionally unavailable??") and has also mocked me quite nastily for reading self-help books. I did explain this to him at the time and he denied ever doing it -- he says I must have misunderstood him. There have also been times that he has criticized the novels that he's seen me read, saying that they're "stupid". So I'm a bit wary of revealing my reading material!
Bottom line, unless I'm reading a manifesto on how to murder one's SO and escape undetected , I don't see why it matters what I'm reading. Normally he can just glance at the cover of the book and know the answer in a second; he doesn't have that advantage with the e-reader.
So tonight he started in on me about being secretive and said he had just been making conversation, whereas I was "rude and hostile" by refusing to anwer his question about the book I was reading. I explained that, in a general sense, people have the right to not provide information according to their own boundaries -- he seems to feel that posing the question obligates the other person to answer, that he is somehow entitled to have his curiosity satisfied. The same if he asks me "What are you thinking about?".
He got pissed off and walked out. Over this.
My question: how much privacy can an individual reasonably expect within a relationship?