PaintLife

My biggest issue with my husband is that he sometimes responds rudely to questions I ask him. By rudely I mean that he does not really answer my questions with a straight forward "yes/no, because..." statement. He tends to respond by saying things like, "Why?" (meaning "why do you ask?", which is a fine question to ask back, however I never realize he is asking this because his tone makes it sound like he is saying, "There is no reason to./ Why would I want to do that?"), or he will say something like, "Of course I want that one..why would I want the other one?".

When he responds in these kinds of ways to me I take offense because he is sounding like he is saying to me that I asked a silly question that had an obvious answer. The thing that gets me is that if I asked the question, then I didn't know the "obvious" answer, so why doesn't he just respond calmly, less rudely, and more straight forwardly? I think it is just his personality but I really clash with this kind of communicating. Has anyone else experienced this?

SunnyT

Nope...but if you think its just his personality.... or maybe the way they talked at his house growing up.... then figure out how to deal with it. If you know its not about you, or about the question even... there's got to be a way to communicate without getting turned off.

Do you think he'd be open to conversation about this? Or reading somethings on male/female communication, etc... ?

s.k

Its something that you need to him about, stuff like this at times does cause arguments in couples.

KellyTaddea

It sounds like he is contemptuous of you and does not respect your intelligence. Does he use this tone of voice only with you or others and if so who? Has this always been a part of the relationship or has it crept in overtime?

I'm careful to limit how much time I spend with my husband because I have found that familarity breds contempt. I have outside interests and friendships as does he so we are able to bring something fresh to the relationship and lessen the likelihood of getting on each others nerves.

This was a leap of faith because of the fear of infidelity even though he has never given me a reason to suspect it but for me it was the choice between trust or a suffocating relationship.

FreedomCorp

Hello,

In order to get proper advice in your case I would suggest that you post 3 to 5 concrete examples of questions you asked and the way he responded along with a short description of the context.

As it stands there are multiple reasons why he would come across as rude to you such as:

- it may be a habit formed from a young age
- he may feel disrespected by the content or the tone of the question
- he may be concentrated on something else and annoyed for the interruption
- he may not intend to be rude and thinks it is normal conversation

And many more. We need more info.

__________________
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My counseling website: http://www.freedomcorp.org

Regards, Alex.