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  • 1 Post By SunnyT
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Old 02-19-2012, 12:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Live and learn

Two years ago I met a man at a singles event, and we really hit it off. On the third date, he told me he was separated, no kids. I asked him why he wasn't divorced yet and he explained that in our state, you need to be separated for a year in order to be granted a divorce. I was 32 at the time, and having spent most of my life in the city, I have very few friends who are married, let alone divorced. So I figured his was just like any other breakup, only there was a judge involved. Everyone has exes right? He was just legally tied to his until he signed on the dotted line. Boy was I wrong. One year in, I found out that he was now legally allowed to get a divorce, but had made no move to. I also learned that he still paid his wife's rent while he was living on his own. I was devastated because for the first time, it felt like I was dating a married man--which felt disgusting. He promised to officially divorce within the next 6 months, but it never happened--not for 6 months, then 8 months and then 12. Instead, I gradually found out that his wife believed they might still get back tgether, and that they still spoke on the phone once or twice a month just to "check in." Now two years into our relationship, I told him I can't continue like this. Three days ago, I put our relationship on hold until he chooses which woman he wants to be with--because right now, he's stringing us both along. I realize that I was extremely nieve going in; the last thing I'd ever want to do is steal another woman's man--it's against everything I believe in. I now think separation is an incredibly weird limbo state, where both people have one foot in the door of their marriage, and the other foot out--which leaves room for another person to get sucked into a big painful mess of disappointment, jealousy, and heartache. I vastly prefer non-married breakups, where you simply declare "I hate you you stupid tool! WE ARE SO BROKEN UP!!!!", then you divide all the stuff, burn a few photos, and that's that. But separation? Ugh, what an ugly mess. Not something I will ever get mixed up in again.
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Live and learn

declare "I hate you you stupid tool! WE ARE SO BROKEN UP!!!!", then you divide all the stuff, burn a few photos, and that's that.

^Do this!!!^

Giving him a choice seems ridiculous. He's had a choice these past 3 FREAKING YEARS! It's not about who he chooses...that is crap. He has not given your relationship any value all this time...stringing you along like it doesn't matter. ICK.

Whatever his reasons are for his stupid bs games, THERE IS NO REASON. Period.

Value yourself more than this schmuck does!
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thank you SunnyT! I appreciate your righteous indignation--it makes me feel better about my own!
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Old 02-20-2012, 02:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Live and learn

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyT View Post
declare "I hate you you stupid tool! WE ARE SO BROKEN UP!!!!", then you divide all the stuff, burn a few photos, and that's that.

^Do this!!!^

Giving him a choice seems ridiculous. He's had a choice these past 3 FREAKING YEARS! It's not about who he chooses...that is crap. He has not given your relationship any value all this time...stringing you along like it doesn't matter. ICK.

Whatever his reasons are for his stupid bs games, THERE IS NO REASON. Period.

Value yourself more than this schmuck does!

Aha. I really like this post. It pretty much sums up what I have to say as well. Except, if he was living with you and he had all his stuff at your place. In your position, I would sell them all on ebay and keep all the profit, just for compensation for the the 3 years he wasted.
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Old 02-23-2012, 12:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Live and learn

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyT View Post
declare "I hate you you stupid tool! WE ARE SO BROKEN UP!!!!", then you divide all the stuff, burn a few photos, and that's that.

^Do this!!!^

Giving him a choice seems ridiculous. He's had a choice these past 3 FREAKING YEARS! It's not about who he chooses...that is crap. He has not given your relationship any value all this time...stringing you along like it doesn't matter. ICK.

Whatever his reasons are for his stupid bs games, THERE IS NO REASON. Period.

Value yourself more than this schmuck does!
Yes..
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