AJ2008

About 7 months ago i found an ad that my husband had posted on craigslist of a sexual nature. He posted an ad asking to recieve or give a blowjob from a guy and he attached a naked picture of himself along with it and gave out his cell number in the ad. When i confronted him about it he denied that he had posted it. I knew he was lying and he was trying to come up with ways that someone else could of posted it as a joke. After a few hours he finally admitted that he had done it. He apologized and said he only did it just to see what kind of comments he would get and that he had no intentions of ever doing anything. Two days later I found an instant messaging conversation between him and his ex and they played truth or dare online. They also were using webcams. It went as far as him taking his shirt off for her and him asking her to take hers off for him. He also proceeded to ask her if he was there with her now if she would suck his ****. When i confronted him about that he was upset that i had found out and mad at himself for what he was putting me through. I could tell he was sorry but i was still extremely upset and emotional about it. Then a few months later i discovered that he is watching porn on line and on youtube and basically looking at anything of a sexual nature that he can online whenever im not home and even when im in the other room. I explained to him that it bothered me and i felt that since he was trying to hide it that he obviously felt he was doing something wrong so why would he do that. Now my husband is away on his second deployment and he has been gone now for two months. I still think about everything he has done and i have issues when it comes to trusting him. Am i being irrational by still being upset about all of this. I find it hard to decide if im just overreacting or not. WIth him being away its so much harder for me to not wonder what he is doing all the time and whether i should trust him or not. Im not sure what to do and i feel like i should talk more with him about it, but he is so far away and i dont want to put any more stress on him. But the stress of this is driving me crazy. Any advice or suggestions on how i should handle this situation would be very much appreciated.

GAsoccerman

OK, I do not think you are being irrational at all.

You ahve caught your husband in sexual scenerio's a couple of times.

1. wants a BJ from or to give to a man... He is sexually bi curiosity has him interested. I would say 80% of people at there have had some sort of bi-dream, or curiosity thought. I think it is just a natural curiosity of thought, so I don't think he is gay. But putting the ad on craiglist and the cell number was just a bad idea...ewww.

As for the conversations with his ex with the truth or dare, that is bad news, how old are you guys? young 20's maybe he is not mature enough to have a truly committed relatinship. This is bad that he has contact with her still and it's in a sexual nature.

The porn thing to me is relly not a huge deal, I have viewed those pron sites, some boring stuff, just not real, I've sent videos fromt here to my wife, but she agree's these people are professionals and it is just not realistic.

Now you can go 1 of two ways here....and this sucks he is on deployment right now, I find being in the military is very stressful on any relationship.

Ok so teh two ways you can go with your husband... Get a divorce and move on with your lives seperately.

OR...

You get some serious counseling, mainly HIM get it, but if I were you I would view it as a "we" not just him.

Now what can you do to stimulate him sexually? I have been married for 12 years but been with my wife for a total of 19 years. Or sex lives have changed dramtically over the years.

WHile I was in the military, my wife would send me very sex and graphic letters. I would also return the favor. Now adays you ahve cell phones, movie clips, a whole world of endless ways to flirt.

Lately my wife has sent me some naughty video's of herself while I am work....the kind that want me to leave work right away and be with her.

How do you flirt with your husband? Do you send him naughty letters? texts? and video's? My wife had to learn that I had a very large sexual appetite and that she needed to "feed" that.

How wild are you willing to go sexually? how wild are you? these are only things you can answer yourself, my wife has clear limitations, but every so often she surprises me.

Do you give your hubby BJ's? his male curiosity has gotten the best of him, time for you to refocus his desires to you, what can you do to make it a little more kinker? there are ways to do this for him, which we can discuss or not, depends on how open you are.

But you are not being irrational at all, you have good reason to be upset.

But where do you want to go from here? Do you want to reel him in or send him back to the water?

AJ2008

okay so as as are sex life goes iv always thought it was great, and when i would confront him on these issues i always approached it by asking him if there was something that he needed that i wasnt doing for him that he would want to try. He always replied that there was nothing wrong and that he was completely satisfied on that level. I mean we would be intimate with each other at least five or six times a week and that was even while i was pregnant. Weve been married for about 20 months and we have a four month old baby. Weve been together through a previous deployment but that was when we were dating. Mostly i dont doubt that he loves me or finds me attractive, cause i feel that if he didnt our sex life would have changed, but that was never the case. We have always kept it interesting. But when you put all those things together so quickly and when he would deny it at first and try to hide it that has caused me to have issues when it comes to trusting him. I dont consider myself to be insecure by any means but i have to say this has made me start to feel that i am. THe porn issue wouldnt be such a big deal except that it makes me feel like im not enough for him or that i have to compete with these people who expose themselves to the public. I have more of a traditional view on sex and that is that its suppose to mean something and be something speciall between two people who are in love with each other. He has always been more than enough for me and i cant imagine my life with anyone else except him, I just feel with all of these things that i wonder if i am enough for him. I really want to get past it all and be able to just look to the future without always feeling like i need to be walking behind him making sure he isnt doing anything inappropriate.
As far as the flirting thing goes, when he was home during the day while he would be at work we would send texts to each other, or call him and let him know how i couldnt wait for him to come home. There would be days when he would come home on lunch just because we would be that hot for each other. Now that he is away we send each other creative and fun emails to try and keep things intersting. I even write him letters and send them. We dont have the ability to do much more than that because he does not have private access to a computer. But we try to make sure we keep our communication open with each other. I guess the reason why i came to this was because i have been trying to decide if i wanted to do counseling to help me work through these feellings i have and i thought it might help me get past it. I just want to be able to trust him again.