General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Women want to KNOW that their man will protect them and that is shown on a daily basis. It isn't coming to fistcuffs, it is a small and simple showing that he can and will protect you. Sure, us strong women can handle our own but it is nice to know somebody has your back, just as we have yours.
[sorry, side-tracking ramble about to begin]
The other day at the dog-park, another big dog came in, started in on my dog who in return barked "Bring it!" even though this other dog could have pulverized him. I managed to call my dog away before it really escalated. The owner guy stayed at the top of the park, ignored the whole thing.
Another dog-owner who I've seen there before, saw it happen and was annoyed by it. Said he considered going up to the other guy and basically telling him off for not being responsible for his dog. I realize this is also for the benefit of other dogs too, not just mine. He said he figured it might turn into a bar-fight scenario if he confronted the other guy (not sure why it'd need to get to that but anyway), and he asked if my dog was okay. Even though he decided not to say anything to the other owner, I'll admit I realized it felt like he had my back in some way (lol at the dog park). Yes, I'm laughing at myself while writing about the dog park. I could have said something to the other owner myself if I'd wanted but as minor as this situation was, it was nice to know someone else had even thought about handling it on my behalf. Which is why I agree with TRBE and especially if it's one's husband.
But maybe she even needed him to stand up to her to show her that he can?
I trust the way my H deals with situations, he's defended me before, and there's no way I'd expect him to react to the OP's scenario. I also wouldn't say anything or acknowledge the men myself. I'd expect to ignore it for both of our safety.
move along who do you think you are a traffic cop?
if your heed expolides wen u reed speeling errore then you should be dead by now!
Let's not t/j this anymore. Hey, for what it's worth...I don't bother with people I don't like or find some quality about. I dig you and like that you fight back with oftentimes pithy comments. I mean that with all sincerity.
I guess I'm coming from a perspective where I've lost people...yes they are dead - from what started out as simple misunderstandings. When grown men get to fighting you don't think about consequences you think about winning anyway you can.
So now I think to myself, why would anybody risk getting into it with a guy who looks like me (I'm not attractive but I'm physically imposing) over something as small as making comments about my wifes appearance. What gives them the confidence that I won't try to start something? Could they be armed?
It's not about protecting honor it's not 1535. It's 2012, it's about survival. One less husband/father dead for a silly reason.
I guess I'm coming from a perspective where I've lost people...yes they are dead - from what started out as simple misunderstandings. When grown men get to fighting you don't think about consequences you think about winning anyway you can.
So now I think to myself, why would anybody risk getting into it with a guy who looks like me (I'm not attractive but I'm physically imposing) over something as small as making comments about my wifes appearance. What gives them the confidence that I won't try to start something? Could they be armed?
It's not about protecting honor it's not 1535. It's 2012, it's about survival. One less husband/father dead for a silly reason.
yes tragic things can happen when this sort of thing esculates out of control.
but you can't live in a bubble either and each and every person decides for themselves where they draw the line on this sorta confrontation.
with that said driving to work in a car is far more dangerous along with many other activities we do on a daily basis.
smoking poor, eating habits, not exercising regularly,
Halien alluded to this with his circumstance, and another poster indicated a similar situation where he pulled in a cop, and the cat-calling perp had a weapon.
I used to work with inner city juvenile offenders. Some were dyed in the wool gang-bangers, others were over entitled suburban wannabes. Some were dangerous becasuse that is who they were ... and how they survived. The other kind could be dangerous due to pure stupidity.
You either have a sense for who is dangerous or you don't. And if you don't, then tread very carefully.
Gotta be about 22 years ago, my youngest brother and a buddy of his got jumped on a subway platform in town by about six or seven kids. He ducked, covered, and took it. He told me later, that the kid that started the whole thing was small, couldn't have been more than 13 or 14. I told him he did the right thing, and that the 'kid' without doubt, had a gun.
Halien alluded to this with his circumstance, and another poster indicated a similar situation where he pulled in a cop, and the cat-calling perp had a weapon.
I used to work with inner city juvenile offenders. Some were dyed in the wool gang-bangers, others were over entitled suburban wannabes. Some were dangerous becasuse that is who they were ... and how they survived. The other kind could be dangerous due to pure stupidity.
You either have a sense for who is dangerous or you don't. And if you don't, then tread very carefully.
Gotta be about 22 years ago, my youngest brother and a buddy of his got jumped on a subway platform in town by about six or seven kids. He ducked, covered, and took it. He told me later, that the kid that started the whole thing was small, couldn't have been more than 13 or 14. I told him he did the right thing, and that the 'kid' without doubt, had a gun.
This is an excellent point. Sometimes they have the little guy do the taunting. When they are saying things about your woman they are really calling you out. You have to assess the situation. Being mature and putting her safety first is not being a coward. I think they call this being street savvy. Being able assess what is really going down.
I guess I'm coming from a perspective where I've lost people...yes they are dead - from what started out as simple misunderstandings. When grown men get to fighting you don't think about consequences you think about winning anyway you can.
So now I think to myself, why would anybody risk getting into it with a guy who looks like me (I'm not attractive but I'm physically imposing) over something as small as making comments about my wifes appearance. What gives them the confidence that I won't try to start something? Could they be armed?
It's not about protecting honor it's not 1535. It's 2012, it's about survival. One less husband/father dead for a silly reason.
Getting into a scuffle is juvenile at best. You cannot be afraid however. That invites bigger problems.
The thing is if you are going to confront, you have better be all in or all out. Fight or flight applies here.
Here's the thing the woman needs to understand.
SHE was in the position of power, as to subtle things she could have done to show the guys what was what, like putting a hand on your ass while walking away. Instead she chose to feel attacked and to need someone else do something about it (take the risks) on the spur of the moment (take the risks without thinking). See, for me, real power might be, being with a guy who wants to cause trouble for having his turf verbally invaded, and being able to ask that this not happen. The issue here is why a human being would (1) want to have a physical fight start when it can be avoided (2) think that they are worth someone else possibly going to jail for or at least going to court for or if not that the police station. Or after just not being in the mood for loving. (After he gets the cr*p beat out of him, kissing her will be the last thing on his mind...) I just don't get that kind of thinking. Will it prevent future attacks, is it going to change her feelings or help her if she's alone and these same three guys say the same things to her? I'm not naive, when I was young I lived in San Antonio, Phoenix and DC. I think I have a feel for what warrants a fight (being able to win is always a consideration...knowing whether someone is armed is another...) If a woman wants to go out dressed provocatively, I think she needs to learn how to handle herself. You wouldn't drive a race car at 120 miles an hour without training, if you want to be showing some skin, expect comments and learn how to handle them. It's wrong to use someone as protection or to do the stuff you should learn to do for yourself. If she doesn't like those kind of comments, have her look around and pay attention to all the ones who don't holler, the pervs, the security cameras with pervs or bored guys watching late at night (unsupervised), the old men who just want something to look at and dream about...the kids who wish she was their mom... My guess is she has to do some growing up about clothes and the person who wears them. First be a confident person who can take care of themselves socially, then wear the clothes that fit that confidence. If she thinks she is going to get power by looking good, she's mistaken. That's not sold in catalogs.
By the way, I have rescued a guy named Eric in a bar...we were part of a French conversational group, he went to the bar to get himself a beer and this guy starts bullying him, working him up into a provocation so he could start a fight. Eric had no clue how to save himself, so I went to order myself something, bought this other guy a drink, chummed up to him a bit and then put my hand on Eric's shoulder and said, thanks for the conversation, I need my friend back, talk to you later, okay? Of course, I never did! What, the guy's gonna deck me for being with someone? I'm a tiny woman. But I don't need brawn to be in control, and I don't need borrowed brawn either.
Here's the thing the woman needs to understand.
SHE was in the position of power, as to subtle things she could have done to show the guys what was what, like putting a hand on your ass while walking away. Instead she chose to feel attacked and to need someone else do something about it (take the risks) on the spur of the moment (take the risks without thinking). See, for me, real power might be, being with a guy who wants to cause trouble for having his turf verbally invaded, and being able to ask that this not happen. The issue here is why a human being would (1) want to have a physical fight start when it can be avoided (2) think that they are worth someone else possibly going to jail for or at least going to court for or if not that the police station. Or after just not being in the mood for loving. (After he gets the cr*p beat out of him, kissing her will be the last thing on his mind...) I just don't get that kind of thinking. Will it prevent future attacks, is it going to change her feelings or help her if she's alone and these same three guys say the same things to her? I'm not naive, when I was young I lived in San Antonio, Phoenix and DC. I think I have a feel for what warrants a fight (being able to win is always a consideration...knowing whether someone is armed is another...) If a woman wants to go out dressed provocatively, I think she needs to learn how to handle herself. You wouldn't drive a race car at 120 miles an hour without training, if you want to be showing some skin, expect comments and learn how to handle them. It's wrong to use someone as protection or to do the stuff you should learn to do for yourself. If she doesn't like those kind of comments, have her look around and pay attention to all the ones who don't holler, the pervs, the security cameras with pervs or bored guys watching late at night (unsupervised), the old men who just want something to look at and dream about...the kids who wish she was their mom... My guess is she has to do some growing up about clothes and the person who wears them. First be a confident person who can take care of themselves socially, then wear the clothes that fit that confidence. If she thinks she is going to get power by looking good, she's mistaken. That's not sold in catalogs.
By the way, I have rescued a guy named Eric in a bar...we were part of a French conversational group, he went to the bar to get himself a beer and this guy starts bullying him, working him up into a provocation so he could start a fight. Eric had no clue how to save himself, so I went to order myself something, bought this other guy a drink, chummed up to him a bit and then put my hand on Eric's shoulder and said, thanks for the conversation, I need my friend back, talk to you later, okay? Of course, I never did! What, the guy's gonna deck me for being with someone? I'm a tiny woman. But I don't need brawn to be in control, and I don't need borrowed brawn either.
Bravo.
Now as for Eric. I hear you. But if I was him I would have been humiliated if you had to suck up to the bully. That is a tad emascualting, but fine. You were there and saved his butt.
My wife gets cat calls the sad thing is she propably knows them. My standard remark to my W is " I'll take the big one, you take the rest"
I get a smile and she pulls me along.
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Re: Wife Called Me A Coward.. 
