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Old 02-22-2012, 09:16 PM   #106 (permalink)
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Lordy. Point missed. This had nothing to do with him being unwilling to take on 3 guys. Nothing.
That was my take on it too. Seriously, what kind of guy forgets to record an incident like that for his wife's Facebook page? The nerve of that guy!!! All her friends would be soooo envious if they saw that she still had it in her ....

Oh... wait, it was about him not protecting her in the past, right?

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Old 02-22-2012, 09:41 PM   #107 (permalink)
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My wife gets cat calls the sad thing is she propably knows them. My standard remark to my W is " I'll take the big one, you take the rest"
I get a smile and she pulls me along.
You are killing me.
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Old 02-22-2012, 09:46 PM   #108 (permalink)
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Bravo.

Now as for Eric. I hear you. But if I was him I would have been humiliated if you had to suck up to the bully. That is a tad emascualting, but fine. You were there and saved his butt.
For post above this one, I hope that poster didn't think I had no understanding of the OP's issue?

Poor Eric was grateful and impressed. He was scared and that's why i helped out. In NH some nice guys have no experience with street smarts, this was a French language meetup in a town with shifting and/or shared demographics...now that I think of it he was definitely from out of town, and a programmer (like me), so I knew he needed some help. It would have been wrong for me not to, he was def going to be off his barstool very soon. And I think maybe he was gay and that's why this other guy was looking to start a fight. To do a hate crime without it being called such.
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Old 02-22-2012, 09:55 PM   #109 (permalink)
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Gotta say, it baffles me that you agreed with the sentiment that she brought this on herself by the way she dressed. This sounds dangerously close to blaming the victim and I am not comfortable doing that. I have seen men heckle and yell at women wearing jeans, sweats, khaki slacks, tennis shoes, flip flops, etc. Bottom line is, 3 jerks acted like jerks and they would have acted the same way if she was wearing a burlap sack because well.....many people lack manners, have no social skills nor care to, treat women like objects and are stupid.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:00 PM   #110 (permalink)
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For post above this one, I hope that poster didn't think I had no understanding of the OP's issue?

Poor Eric was grateful and impressed. He was scared and that's why i helped out. In NH some nice guys have no experience with street smarts, this was a French language meetup in a town with shifting and/or shared demographics...now that I think of it he was definitely from out of town, and a programmer (like me), so I knew he needed some help. It would have been wrong for me not to, he was def going to be off his barstool very soon. And I think maybe he was gay and that's why this other guy was looking to start a fight. To do a hate crime without it being called such.
Maybe someday we'll have a thread about how awesome it is to be rescued by a woman. I was a dumb street kid when I went to college, and I remembered a black haired woman, a grad student, who lit into me for opening the door for her in the science library. Weeks later, in the same library, I was being cornered by two angry librarians for using the booths reserved for grad students, and the same woman came to my rescue. I felt like standing behind her and saying, "what she said!!!" as she explained that only an imbecile would complain when the booths were not even marked in the first place. Honest, I jokingly asked her to marry me.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:14 PM   #111 (permalink)
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Gotta say, it baffles me that you agreed with the sentiment that she brought this on herself by the way she dressed. This sounds dangerously close to blaming the victim and I am not comfortable doing that. I have seen men heckle and yell at women wearing jeans, sweats, khaki slacks, tennis shoes, flip flops, etc. Bottom line is, 3 jerks acted like jerks and they would have acted the same way if she was wearing a burlap sack because well.....many people lack manners, have no social skills nor care to, treat women like objects and are stupid.
What may baffle you is that I can see validity in many seemingly opposing views that I do not see as contradictory. We live in a complex world.

I am also very much this -> Protector. Not completely. But a lot.

I liked the comments about what a woman can do in a situation. They were vaild for the most part IMO.

I don't think we know how she was dressed. It does matter from some perspective. We already covered whether he was ok with her dressing this way when he left.

They probably were three jerks. I probably would have said something because ... I don't take cr@p from people in general. But if you insult my wife you are asking for big trouble. But her safety is paramount. I think therefore I am ....

We covered that you feel he had not stould up for her in the past. Very valid possibilty. Interesting perspective.

I don't see this as an either or situation. I think they both are wrong in different ways.

But maybe she was jsut giving him a fitness test.

Without more information I think it is likely they both failed this test. A woman calling her man a coward is serious stuff.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:32 PM   #112 (permalink)
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Without more information I think it is likely they both failed this test. A woman calling her man a coward is serious stuff.
As is a man saying his wife looks like a slvt - even if it was a possible defense mechanism afterwards.

Taking a slightly different look at it, she felt disrespected from the jerks, then felt let-down/disrespected by her husband's action or inaction (not suggesting he should have done anything differently here, other than how he handled her question afterwards, and of course it's likely deeper to her than just that scenario anyway), and then likely felt disrespected/put-down yet again when he criticized her dress sense.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:36 PM   #113 (permalink)
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As is a man saying his wife looks like a slvt - even if it was a possible defense mechanism afterwards.

Taking a slightly different look at it, she felt disrespected from the jerks, then felt let-down/disrespected by her husband's action or inaction (not suggesting he should have done anything differently here, other than how he handled her question afterwards, and of course it's likely deeper to her than just that scenario anyway), and then likely felt disrespected/put-down yet again when he criticized her dress sense.
Agreed.

So I wonder what date night will bring for them this week.

What a great thread as it did not have anyhting to do with Facebook, texting, or affairs.

I think my biggest problem with this however, is that I don't really feel motivated in favor of one side of the other here.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:51 PM   #114 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Called Me A Coward..

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As is a man saying his wife looks like a slvt - even if it was a possible defense mechanism afterwards.

Taking a slightly different look at it, she felt disrespected from the jerks, then felt let-down/disrespected by her husband's action or inaction (not suggesting he should have done anything differently here, other than how he handled her question afterwards, and of course it's likely deeper to her than just that scenario anyway), and then likely felt disrespected/put-down yet again when he criticized her dress sense.
Stop talking sense, Hearts! It's about his being unwilling to be turned in to ground veal.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:53 PM   #115 (permalink)
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Agreed.

So I wonder what date night will bring for them this week.
She'll never dress up around him again and in 6 months he will be back moaning that she doesn't care about her appearance.
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Old 02-22-2012, 11:01 PM   #116 (permalink)
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She'll never dress up around him again and in 6 months he will be back moaning that she doesn't care about her appearance.
Very possible. I wonder where they went?

Maybe she should have beaten him up in front of those guys.

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Old 02-23-2012, 07:16 AM   #117 (permalink)
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On a site like this, there is often "the correct answer", and then "what I would really do". I admit that I avoid my real thoughts on it because I don't think it applies to most people. I'm very focused on behaving with honor because I grew up among a small native american community, but both parents were also half white. I don't think another person, or persons, has the right to project their insults into my private life. I also know pretty well how to pick out the dangerous ones, how to fight when a person has a knife or baton, and how to remove a gun from a situation. I've faced them all on the streets.

That said, if this were my current community, its very naive to think that this would have to turn into a fight. Especially in the midwest, just telling them kindly to take it down a notch would result in some low level murmuring, and not much else. If I was in the city, rules change. I'd walk away, like my wife and I did in downtown Detroit, when it was highly likely that one or more was carrying a weapon. The guys stopped me because I said nothing, and I whispered to my wife to get my friend from the car, my telescoping hardened steel baton, which was our only weapon allowed in a protection job in college. The guys decided that facing this new surprise wasn't worth their time.

Still, a few guys in a movie theatre in my current locale don't necessarily signify physical conflict, because most of them in my area have only seen them in TV. They're more likely young guys who use the fact that everyone walks away to step up their game for the next woman who walks by. But if my wife isn't in danger, I will not let them project their insults like that without a response. To me, it feels like doing so would be like giving up on everything I was taught that I am supposed to stand for. Especially since I look like a linebacker, walking away only encourages the ones who are looking for trouble.

Seems only common sense that women look at the characteristics of the man they are with before marrying them. One situation like the OPs only demeans her, because she very likely chose a guy who wasn't a neanderthall like me, someone who would respect her independance in every aspect of her life, including this.
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Old 02-23-2012, 07:22 AM   #118 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Called Me A Coward..

To the OP, hows things? Wife still pissed? Or are things working out?
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Old 02-23-2012, 09:58 AM   #119 (permalink)
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To the OP, hows things? Wife still pissed? Or are things working out?
not good. she's giving me the cold shoulder still even though i've apologized numerous times. and to be honest i'm still a little pissed over the coward comment. we're being civil to eachother right now but its still kinda cold..
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Old 02-23-2012, 10:28 AM   #120 (permalink)
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not good. she's giving me the cold shoulder still even though i've apologized numerous times. and to be honest i'm still a little pissed over the coward comment. we're being civil to eachother right now but its still kinda cold..
Have you addressed the issues with her? Why she called you a coward and why you blamed her because of how she dressed?
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