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Wife Called Me A Coward..

36K views 141 replies 51 participants last post by  desert-rose 
#1 ·
because I supposedly didnt 'defend her honor'.

while walking out of a movie theater to my car these three guys made some comments about her, basically hooting and hollering saying she was hot and had a nice ass or whatever. We just ignored them and went on our way. She says one of them was cat-calling but I don't remember hearing it. When driving home she asked me why I didn't say anything to 'defend her honor'. I guess she expected me to fight these three guys to prove I cared for her or something. I tried to explain to her that this is real life and three-on-one is almost a guaranteed trip to the hospital but she's still a little pissed at me for not doing anything. honestly, what did she want me to do? take them all on at once? I told her maybe if she dressed more appropriately men would have more respect for her. It's not my fault she dresses like a **** sometimes..

to the ladies of this board: how would you want your man to react in this situation?

to the men: how would you react to this situation?
 
#3 ·
I would have told her she was hot.

Found a quiet parking area.

Watched the submarine races.
 
#49 ·
:iagree:

In reality, I would ignore them. There is a saying "An armed society is a polite society", and I believe in being polite. There is no need to stir the hornet nest on this one if they are just being verbal without being vulgar.

I might make an appreciative comment to the guys like "Yeah and I get to take her home". Disarm them verbally.

In all seriousness I am ready and willing to defend myself and my family against a real threat. My family doesn't feel unprotected. A couple of jerky comments is not a real threat.
 
#44 · (Edited)
Actually depending on the circumstances a man getting into a fight with a group of men doing this is risking the woman's safety. She could be assaulted or even raped.

My first thought in any potential conflict is my wife's safety. Circumstances matter. In most cases safety is not an issue, but I always interject myself between my wife and any "inappropriate" confrontation. I will always draw fire to myself. How I do that depends on the circumstances. Assess the real motivations of what is happening. How is this likely to escalate. Are there any weapons about and so on. What are the risks involved and so on. That said, going by past behavior, I would have said something. Then they have to reassess. I am generally pretty focused, calm and firm in these type of circumstances. The intended message is really a question. How bad do you want this? But I would never put my wife in jeopardy.
 
#5 ·
There is no way that I would EVER expect my husband to go 3 against 1, EVER!!!! I may as well shove him in front of a speeding car...hmmmm.....lol...... And anyway when people make comments and cat call and all that, me and my H laugh, it's flattering to me, sometimes, lol and funny to him because he's taking me home :) If the guys were coming up and groping her and you just stood there and let it happen then yeah she should be pissed, but not for what really happened....
 
#6 ·
It really was a wide open type of situation, you could have reacted many different ways but either way it doesn't reflect on you, Your W chose to turn the situation into a fitness test. The alpha response would have been to grab a handful of your W's @ss to show these guys she is your property. The integrated response would have been to tell the guys to show some respect. The reasonable approach was to ignore them and go on your way, if you were a coward and your W decided to demonstrate it by giving those guys some attention it would have forced you into fight or flight. I see your reaction as reasonable, though not what would have really impressed your immature W, however with her disappointment it shows a disrespect for you, if she expected you to fight she is a lunatic.
 
#7 ·
bogey- your wife trotted out the old "Honey, let's you and him fight" sh1t test. This is a favorite among popular high school girls with princess complexes. As you describe the situation, your wife really had no business pulling this test on you. And if she really called you a coward over it, then you need to look really hard at your choice of wives before you get much further along in life.

As far as how I would have reacted, I would have ignored the trash talking just like you did.

As far as how I would have reacted if my wife called me a coward over ignoring the 3 buttheads, I can't say for sure. "Agree and amplify" is usually a good response to a sh1t test, "Yes, I'm a great big coward- I would've been afraid of them if they were just 3 boy scouts!"

Changing the frame can also work- "Honey, why do you want me to fight 3 guys at once and get beat up? Why do you want me to get my ass kicked?"

Of course, lying work pretty good too. "Babe, I didn't hear a word they said- I was thinking about what a great evening I was having with you!"
 
#8 ·
Sounds like the cat-calling was what I call a 'catalyst event'.

In other words, other stuff has been going on that has caused her to question how you feel about her ... and how she feels about you.

Your lack of response to the 3 goof-balls, and your subsequent response basically telling her she dresses like a tramp = her feeling emotionally abandoned by you and lashing out. Calling you a coward.

Obviously, which hit a nerve.

In any case, presuming you aren't a mixed martial artist, you probably made the right choice.

Those circumstances are a coin toss. How to best respond is situational.

My brother faced similar circumstances. Group of six teen to twenty-somethings. They taunted he, his gf at the time, and another couple. He told them to knock it off. They continued.

One got up the nerve to walk up to him and ask him what he was 'going to do about it'. My brother proceeded to beat the absolute, ever-living, sh!t out of him. Badly ...

The remaining 5? THEY called the cops. Girlfriend was horrified by what he did.

In hindsight, he truly wished he had just ignored them.
 
#13 ·
Your lack of response to the 3 goof-balls, and your subsequent response basically telling her she dresses like a tramp = her feeling emotionally abandoned by you and lashing out. Calling you a coward.
Deejo beat me to it, and I agree with this.

I will say too, there are probably right many women who do like a man to defend her honor, however, I agree that in this particular case you made the right choice.

If it were me I would have more than likely done the same thing. I would not have have made the comment about how she dresses though. That more than likely hurt far worse than you not defending her like she thought you should.
 
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#10 ·
I don't think you were a coward.

Still, my wife would be offended if the catcalls went to the level of telling her that she had a fine a$$. I would just tell the guys that they need to tone it down. That's all. Usually, if there are several, their attention, and insults, turn to me, and this doesn't bother me. Of course, my response depends on location, assuming you are not in a place you should've avoided in the first place.
 
#17 ·
defended her how? fought for her? if that's what you're asking then no i haven't..

but she has always been independent of mind, and doesn't need me to stick up for her most times. but this time was different, like she flipped the switch on me and now she's all pissed off
 
#15 ·
If I know my husband it would have been something like this: them hooting and hollering the comments about being hot and having a nice a** followed by him checking out and possibly slapping said nice a** and then a comment shot back at the three of them saying "It is an awfully nice a** isn't it?" and the two of us laughing our way back to the car.
That is pretty close to what he would have done and just the way I would want him to handle it. I have no question about his manhood. If there came a time I was ever in true danger he would not hesitate to step up and protect me, but to fight three guys because they made a few comments is really senseless, he doesn't need to prove anything to them and he's already proven himself to me.
 
#38 ·
Punks like that NEVER act alone. The OP made the right move. People watch too many action films. A three on one situation means the ONE ends up in a hospital 99% of the time.

Calling you a coward is going to have some long lasting repercussions unless you're the type that let's things roll right off your shoulders.
I think a long discusion with the wife is due.
First up - Why is she still dressing like she's on the hunt?:(
 
#21 ·
If you had fought three guys over that, she'd be calling you stupid, and maybe jealous too.

Gee, I've had guys slow down and holler and hoot and stare just in my long shorts and sandals and a demure top. I usually just wave and smile. What's the harm in critique, so long as it's honest and admirable? It's the creeps who undress you during business meetings or worse in a dentist's chair that you need to be concerned of, not the people who just tell it like it is. Not like they were gonna gang-rape her or something.
 
#24 ·
I think the question you need to ask yourself is why are you going out with a woman who dresses like a *****. You obviously don’t like it, it does have repercussions and yet you tolerate it and go out with her. Reckon you should have more respect for yourself even if your wife doesn’t.



On top of all that your woman is crazy enough to think you should have pitched in three against one. And again I think you need to ask yourself just what are you doing with such a woman who would urge you into a potentially harmful, life threatening situation.


She sure doesn't sound like a keeper to me.
 
#27 ·
i'm not the type of guy to keep his girl on a tight leash and order her around everywhere. like i said, when i met her she was independent of mind and i respected that about her. we're still young, so she dresses a little provocatively here and there, but since this was the first time she got harassed for it (in front of me at least) i suggested she tone it down a little bit. it was never really a problem before.

and the fact that she got pissed at me for not defending her took me a bit by surprise because she never acted like this before
 
#26 ·
I think maybe all she wanted was you to say something. I also do not think she realized at the time that when she wanted you to say something, that it was possible you could get jumped by three other guys, I doubt that crossed her mind, although anything is possible.
 
#29 ·
I would have taken the calls as compliments meant for me and smiled and thanked them, maybe winking.

I've been in violent situations and taking on three guys is something best left for movies. It's almost guaranteed to end with you getting your head kicked in while you lie on the ground groaning--like happened to my uncle in exactly this situation.

If you don't like how your wife dresses, you need to address this. If your wife feels like she is not getting enough attention from you, you need to address this. If your wife feels like you are not alpha enough and wants to see you do something manly, you need to address this. There are issues underlying this situation that indicate something deeper than what happened on the surface.
 
#33 ·
I told her maybe if she dressed more appropriately men would have more respect for her. It's not my fault she dresses like a **** sometimes..
Well your actions at the time were perfectly correct, but your remark above was certainly unfortunate.

Just as a general observation, there's all kinds of opportunites in everday life to defend your wife / girlfriend that don't involve an unfair fight where you would need to kill or seriously injure someone just to avoid a similar outcome yourself

Auto mechanics love to rip women off. When I'm too busy to take a car in for something that I'm not equipped to do at home, my wife sometimes takes the car in herself. They always try to tell her that things I've just recently service/replaced are worn out and need fixing.

It's an excellent setup to very publicly defend her in terms that 'shimmer in the air.'
 
#46 ·
These situations are best measured by mitigating risk and analyzing motivation.

You did part 1 perfectly. The risk of 3-on-1 is not worth the reward of having your wife swoon over your dead corpse.

Part 2 is worth mentioning. For 3 grown men in this day and age to have the balls to make comments to a woman who is clearly with another man means they were prepared for the consequences.

"Prepared" means ready to go. You chose well.

Tell your wife eat a hornet.
 
#47 ·
I have a different take on this situation.

what he should have done was go over to the entrance of the movie theather and called thoes boys *ussies ( make sure your standing in view of the camera that all movie /store fronts have nowdays).and take the beating like a man then he could sue the movie theater for not having proper security,and the boys or their parents for assulting him. and anybody else he could blame.


maybe if he had a permitt to carry a 45 acp there would not be a problem .

maybe if his wife wasn't an evil bi*ch he wouldn't have a problem.

maybe if she dressed properly there wouldn't have been a problem.

before you women jump all over that last statment think of it this way if her dressing risky(for lack of a better term)is making him feel bad shouldn't she want to compromise or is this another double standard if a husband dose domething that make her wife feel bad isn't he supost consider her feelings?

me personaly I would have confronted them. by saying wich one of you pu$$ys want to try me first.

most time people like this are just airbags and don't really have the balls to back up their loud mouths. if if they all rushed me then the 45 comes out.

its always best to be perpared!! hollow points leave a nasty mark.
 
#48 ·
I was in a similar situation about 2 months ago. I caught on early before the stupid cat calls started. Saw two guys staring hard at my wife. As in for more than 20 seconds as we walked from the resturaunt to my car. I just grabbed her hand and said "what's up fellas? Get a good look". Wife laughed, other patrons making their way in laughed. Went on with our night.

You both sound like you have issues with respecting each other. She calls you a coward, you tell her she dresses like a ****. How can you guys expect to resolve issues when that's how you talk to each other?
 
#58 ·
As a woman, I would expect my husband to be mature and either ignore them or make some flippant comment like - "Yep, I'm one lucky man!" and leave it at that.

I'm a strong believer in if you dress in things that are going to get attention, it's because you want attention. You wife needs to grow up and bit and realize that violence solves nothing.

If the men made an attempt to touch me, that would be a different story... but even then... 3 on 1 make my flight response kick in. I don't want to end a good evening with police and ambulances.
 
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