Everything you describe are the typical signs of abuse. You just don't know you are being abused because he doesn't beat up on you all the time. But, there are many different types of abuse, and you are experiencing emotional, mental, and verbal abuse. They all fall under the definition of domestic violence right along with physical and sexual abuse. And, the emotional, mental, and verbal kinds are just as bad as if he beats and rapes you. In fact, what you are going through is often considered even worse than if he beats you because you continue to suffer the emotional scars and post traumatic syndrome for the rest of your life.
I know you think he loves you. I know how he makes you feel when he says things like you are his happiness
. But all of that is only stated to make you stick around and keep taking all the terrible things he does and says.
I know you feel awful when he says he wants a divorce. But you have to recognize his manipulation when he also tries to make you think you need him so badly. All of it is to make you stick around so he can keep on abusing you.
He is very typical in all of this. It feels awful to you because you love him and cannot imagine why he treats you so badly if he loves you the way he says he does. But he tricked you into falling in love with him. His awful behaviors seemed sudden to you because the relationship did not start out that way, but there was nothing sudden about his tactics. He targeted you and played you like the instruments that you play. You would not have fallen for him if he constantly did these awful things when you first met. He knew he could not hook you with his meaness, so he hooked you in by "treated me very good and he did everything he could to make me happy
" and made himself seem like "the best man that I could ever wish for
." You were targeted by an abusive and controlling man. It's exactly the same kind of thing Bernie Madoff did to all the people he swindled. They were his victims, and you were your husband's victim.
Everything he did and the way he went about it are the same for all abusers, and the women ALWAYS fall for it, so you don't have to feel alone. I'm sure that more than anything you are feeling very confused and simply cannot explain his behaviors. Don't even try because there is no explanation. Other posters suggested you and he should talk, but talking is pointless. He will apologize and tell you how much he loves you, and then he will turn back into himself soon enough. I know you feel he flipped the script on you, but all the kindness is when he flipped the script and should have won an academy award. You just didn't know the real him.
A really great article to read is Romeo's Bleeding - When Mr. Right Turns Out To Be Mr. Wrong
. This will tell you all about your husband.
There are many, many books and articles on abusive men and abusive relationships. You can read any of the articles here
to help you understand the dynamics of abuse.