Ten_year_hubby

Please. One would have to have respect in the first place to lose any. What exactly is above and beyond a days work? What exactly is a days work? It's sort of up to the individual and everyone is different. We see numerous different descriptions in this thread and some of these ladies' days sound pretty long.

My wife and I come from different family backgrounds from different parts of the country and we have different physical and emotional capabilities and maturity levels.

Honestly, all that cleaning and cooking just isn't that difficult for me, no matter how hard it is for my wife. And I love doing it because I love her and I love my kids and I love doing stuff for them. I would be happier staying home because I like being home. But I don't stay home because we want stuff.

Courtesy of her parents, my wife doesn't have any respect for married people, including herself. To the extent that she picks up more load, enhanced self-respect seems to be a major motivation for her. I've got it and she wants what I've got so she does what I do.

lovinmyhubby223

I suddenly became a SAHM, quitting my job when circumstances made it necessary for me to take custody of my two nieces. I am a true believer in being home with the kids until they are at least out of elementary school. So for 7 years I did the whole take care of kids, clean, cook, be there for husband thing and I think it was a fair trade. Husband works full time but still managed to swoop in and help when the stress of raising two girls (14 months apart) who truly seem to hate each other would have me twitching or rubbing my temples.

Then daddy (not wanting to pay child support) decided to take full custody of his girls so there I was childless again but with no job and only the wifely duties to do. (By the way take 7 years off to raise children then try to find work in this economy)

So now yes I do spend time on the computer, sometimes extensive time on the computer and I feel guilty but I do what I can to make my hubby’s life as comfortable as possible. I get up with him at 4am make breakfast and his lunch and see him off to work. During the day I clean, do laundry, the yard work, repairs around the house and have dinner ready when he gets home. I do all the shopping, bill paying, errands and tend to the girls every other weekend. It helps too that for the past year and a half my sex drive has topped the charts and so hubby never goes without. He likes it when I’ve spent my time arranging something special for when he gets home (and I’m not talking dinner). I feel better when I can make it possible for my hubby to have no responsibilities once he gets home.

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

My husband is not dissatisfied whatsoever if I could not get something done that day. Living in severe pain 24/7 has it's limitations. My husband has zero expectations of me either. Nor do I of him. There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM. I do what I can, I push my limits.

The people who have a problem with it seem to be jealous. Not once have I ever been lazy, not even with my disability. I have 2 neck herniations. Anyone with a herniation knows how painful and difficult it is to live in this condition. I'm a prisoner in my own body and home. If it wasn't for the support of my husband, I would not want to live through this.

So what if I'm online on and off all day, my other alternative is to watch television. I focus my attention on my husband at night. Once dinner is done, the kids do the dishes, take their baths/showers, Which leaves time for hubby and I to do whatever.

My children are older, which they are more independent. It's nice to have their help. On the weekends I teach them how to cook/bake. We do a lot of crafts as well.

We are a very happy family. I've been at home for 11-12 years. I've enjoyed every minute of it. Before I broke my neck, I ran 6 miles a day, I would then mow our lawn by hand for 4 hours, do all the yard work and keep the garage clean. I miss those days when I was pain free. Now I have my flock of chickens and dogs to keep me busy.

Someday I'll have another neck surgery, hopefully then I'll be pain free. Although they say I have permanent nerve damage, so we'll see when the time comes.

I read a lot of articles online. I keep myself busy. I never find myself bored. My husband is extremely supportive of me and we have a very strong and healthy marriage.

SomeLady

Half of the things that need to be done on a weekend or in the evening? Maybe. If the main stuff is done during the week, and all that remains is meal prep and clean up, kids bedtimes, and the odd other thing why not split it evenly?

I find that I can do pretty much everything so long as my husband does the bedtime. He also helps in the morning. He usually gets the boys' breakfast (cereal or toast) while I'm getting my hair and face ready. He usually helps with the rush of getting coats and boots on the kids so they can be out the door. I always make their packed lunches.

Tomorrow we're renting a Rug Doctor (I am ridiculously excited about this ) and he's going to help with things like moving the furniture, etc.

On the weekends, the only meal I always prepare is dinner. Sometimes lunch. I don't cook three meals a day, every day. Sometimes I wonder if I should.

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

We have a Hoover Steam rug cleaner that I LOVE! Since I'm very picky about the carpet, I steam them every 6 months or if they look dirty from the dogs tracking in dirt.

I bring the water just to a boil before adding to the machine. It seems to work well. Our machine is just like a vacuum cleaner.

I couldn't live without it!

SomeLady

I used to have one of those machines - a Bissell - but I gave it away when we moved to a house that had no carpet. Then, we moved to a house with carpet.

I didn't think the cleaner I had was all that great. I think the Rug Doctor is supposed to be better. I sure hope so. I don't care if the carpet looks perfect. If there are stains, that's OK. But, I can't handle the obvious superficial layer of dirt on top! I'm going to buy some cleaner to use with a rag when the kids spill stuff and then rent this thing a couple times a year.

southern wife

WhereAmI

This is pretty much how my H and I handle things. I get everything done during the day and when he gets home my job ends (just like his) and we're a team. After dinner he typically cleans the kitchen while I clean the living room and vacuum the house.

He never has to do laundry, major cleaning, reorganizing, dusting, minor repairs, etc. On occasion he'll do one of these things to be helpful, but he knows I have everything under control.

SomeLady

I think that is the ideal.

The truth is, I am pretty damn efficient. I can clean the bathroom in ten minutes (and I mean a deep clean that includes mopping the floors and polishing the taps.) The house is really pretty tidy. We have little "hot spots" of clutter because not everything has a home (it doesn't help that we've rented a house that is "furnished" with the personal belongings of the landlord's deceased mother. But, that's a vent for another day.) I do think I could spend more time scrubbing base boards and just generally looking for things to clean. I try to do that more and more.

Honestly, time spent with the kids is where I need to work even harder. I tend to let the older boys do their own thing (play outside with friends, watch tv, play on computer). I should probably spend more time down on the floor with them, really interacting with them. I've never been good at that.

southern wife

I have to ask, WHAT do you have to get your hair and face ready for, if you're a SAHM?






I think you should cook dinner during the week. Who does that, your husband after he's worked all day? He comes home to cook AND put the kids to bed? While you're "resting" from your day on the computer?

SomeLady

For my husband. And so that I feel better about myself. He was coming home to an ungroomed schmuck in pajamas and glasses every evening. So, I get myself ready every morning, just like anybody else with a job. It only takes about ten minutes. Pouring cereal into bowls takes even less time than that.


I mean that I cook ONLY dinner on the weekends. I cook dinner every night of the week, unless I'm tired or poorly. We tend to snack on sandwiches and so forth during weekend days. Sometimes I'll make a big lunch. Of course we fix things for the kids to eat - both of us do that.

Unhappy2011

Wow finally one admits it.

That's not a knock. I am sure you have a good life and congrats to you.

I have just been listening to some SAHMs I know for years talk about how "hard" their lives are and how if they were to be paid it would be worth like $100,000 and blah blah blah.

I just want to say to them to cut the crap.

Being a SAHM has to be a pretty sweet gig. No shame in that, but the ones who makes themselves out to be martyrs, cut the crap.

Some of us actually work for a living and don't want to hear that BS.

SprucHub

I was wondering about this too? Why not get ready once the boys are out of the house? On the other stuff - however people decide to divide labor is their choice.

SomeLady

I don't see anybody else, most days (don't leave the house, much). I want to look nice for my husband.

We both get up about six or seven. The boys leave for school at 8:45. I'll usually get myself dressed and put together while husband pours bowls of cereal. When I come downstairs, husband is usually on the computer, checking the day's news.

I change the 2yo's nappy, and get the older boys dressed. I make their packed lunches. Husband and I both tell them over and over to get their boots and coats on and we both herd them out the door.

When the boys have left, my husband gets in the shower and gets ready for work.

When my husband gets home, I try to have the house tidy for him. Toys picked up off floor. Laundry put away. Floor vaccuumed. Dishes washed. I'll start preparing dinner once he's home. We eat, then I'll wash up and clean the kitchen and table and he'll put the boys to bed.

SomeLady

It's not always easy. For one thing, there's no clear line about when you're on or off. It's 'round the clock. You can't call off sick... The kids need watching, no matter what. (Although as soon as my husband comes home, I'm crawling between the sheets and sleeping!) It can be isolating. I live in a rural area. I don't go anywhere or see anybody.

I agree, though, that making oneself out to be a martyr is ridiculous.