General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by chillymorn
maybe there alittle truth to his joke?
but if I made piles of money i wouldn't care if she worked or not. but I just an average joe with an above average ..........
No, I think he worries I am not getting enough sleep but... the truth is , if I am not tired, I toss and turn & keep him up (and he does NEED his sleep as he is a lower Test guy!) .... so I do my thing until I am tired, even at age 45, I can stay up all night and be ok the next day. 6 hrs is enough for me easily. After he goes to bed, sometimes I will get up & make pies or something, do laundry. I have always been like the "Energizer Bunny".... I once had my thyroid checked thinking it might be overactive, but I am totally fine.... I believe I have HIGH Test.. ha ha - a symptom of alot of energy-- that is me !
If I had a steady job where I had to "punch in", we'd need another 4x4 , and if you seen our driveway from Hell, you'd see why he would be worried about me -even getting out of it . He wrecked the plow in it last year, the farmer next door had to pull him out. IT would be different if we lived in the city -but we are country boonie people.
He worries about me very much, it is sweet though. The only thing about all of this is .... sometimes I feel like "less of a woman" or something -like I am just a boring old stay at home mom, like I have no skills , but in reality, I love my life -just as it is, I shouldn't worry about the "norms" of other women in society.
Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
Not all stay at home wives have it easy.
I am very industrious at home since my main focus is school and I am not working. I clean, cook and study most of the day. I also go to doctor's appointments and run errands. I never watch daytime TV because it is pure nonsense and I could be using that time to review my schoolwork.
I will chat online for about an hour, but I still get everything done.
90% of the time, my husband comes home to dinner, smiles and kisses. He does not ask me to do these things. It is simply understood that since I do not work I need to pull my weight somehow. We are not having kids, so there is no excuse for a dirty place with no dinner at night.
I have a high sex drive and I understand that men need to eat well to be good lovers. Have to have energy! I have been groomed to look after a man since I was nine years old and I admit that it has certainly influenced me a great deal. I feel like such a bad wife if I don't have dinner on the table. I know it sounds sexist but I am just being honest about how I feel.
Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
I'm a SAHM turned SAHW - Our sons are now grown & gone. I had a full-time job until Feb 2007. Company downsized our department so they let 7 of us go. I'm lucky in that DH makes a decent enough living, I have the choice of whether or not I want to work. DH travels VERY frequently (gone 1 mth/home 2 wks) for work. So we take advantage of every moment possible when he's home. The first couple years after leaving work, we still had sons at home going to school; when they were done, we sold our home, moved, & built a new home. That kept me busy while DH was gone. Now, besides taking care of everything (housework, yard work, vehicle detailing & mntnc, staining decks & porches, painting, bookkeeper, secretary, etc., etc.), I volunteer at the local No-kill shelter thrift store 2 days a week and just recently started doing Zumba (and love it!!!!). I find things I enjoy and do them.
My motto: if my DH is willing to do whatever it takes (sacrificing by being away from home) to support our lifestyle, the least I can do is make sure he has VERY little to do when he does get home. Do I feel I contribute? ABSOFREAKINLUTELY!!!!!! And he has no problem making sure I know just how much he appreciates what I do for US!
Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
*Skipping through the replies*
I quit my job on December 23rd, due to the increasing difficulties I was having as a result of a severe car accident I was in, in September. That, combined with my progressing pregnancy, (which also limited my treatment options), made it very difficult to keep working. I loved my job and miss it like crazy.
Around the house I do what I can - being 8 months pregnant, heavy and out of breath, makes even simple household chores a nightmare. We have three large dogs, who spend a good amount of time with us indoors for the time being, and it's a lot of upkeep to keep the floors swept and mopped, as well as picking up after them when they have accidents. I do most of this, but my husband helps me out a lot. I feel overwhelmed and depressed most days, that I am in so much pain, that I'm swollen from my face to my feet, and I have zero energy to keep up with what needs to be done. I think sometimes he forgets the massive impact being pregnant has on a woman, (not that he will ever get to experience it), in addition to my health problems, and pain related to the car accident. He works full time and pays all of the bills, and yes, still does dishes and helps with the cleaning. We are still trying to get unpacked in our new house, and prepare for the arrival of our daughter. It's a lot for both of us to manage.
I sincerely hope that things will change once the baby arrives - that I will no longer be lethargic and encumbered and able to do all of the housework so that when he comes home, all he has to do is relax and enjoy quality time with me and his baby.
I wish I could do more right now, though. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
I wish it was an option for me to "help make money".
I work. I would still work even if I could stay home. I don't like depending on someone else for money, or asking for money. I guess I was single for too long.
Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
I gave it some thought...after other posting and here is a less defensive take on the matter.
Sooooo, I had this professional job at an Ivy Leage for 3 years.
Some days I went to work, some days I worked from home.
Sometimes I worked away from work and away from home.
Sometimes I decided I needed to travel to a conference or a class or to visit colleagues who did what I did at other universities.
Sometimes my kid (and a friend) came to work with me.
Sometimes I went schmoozing to in-house stuff.
AT NO TIME DID MY BOSS EVER MONITOR ME AND ASK ME WHAT I DID ALL DAY?
When I left after three years the head lady who was very scary, old, and well-respected...came to my going away party and gave me a present. People were :-o OMG so-and-so came to your going away party. My boss was nervous in her presence. Then the dean came in and gave me kudos. I said "I am going to tell the truth about this place. I have always hated.....[pause]...the carpet in this room. It looks like birds were shot and then bled all over it." (It was a sort of print with leaves and stuff and had some birds and berries, but the berries were red and blotchy." My boss looked apalled, the dean didn't get it, the old scary head lady laughed.
I was told at my going away that I really changed the way that place did research. My boss beamed. I sure made him nervous my last year there, doing the things I did when he was busy with his own stuff and couldn't really keep track of me while I did other stuff. (The dean was my real boss, but he had appointed this other guy to be administratively my boss...because I didn't want the admin tasks as I'm a research and people person...)
If you have a SAH wife and mom...you can give her a LIST and treat her like a TECHNICIAN....or
YOU CAN TREAT HER LIKE A PROFESSIONAL and give her credit for knowing what the h*ll she's doing. You picked her, giving her a list is like telling her she's not her, she's just mini-you, like a clone to do what you want done because you can't be home to do it. If my boss had treated me that way, I'd have said F*ck this, job's no fun, I'm outta here. In fact, at my interview (a day long affair with lots of different people), I was at lunch with him and I did just that...got up to excuse myself to use the ladies' and told him "Too stressful, I'm leaving...." (He got a look of panic...this told me what I wanted to know...) I laughed and said, I'm just kidding. I want to make sure I'd be working for someone with a sense of humor. We got along great. 3 years, I hardly saw him.
I got 3 raises during that time. I met my replacement & he had a kid with a disability and hardly had to be in the office at all, because of the way I'd set things up for my position.
The thing is, it wasn't just me, those meetings and conferences and schmoozing...a whole bunch of different universities set things up the same way. Now if I hadn't been treated like PROFESSIONAL and had been overly monitored and given a 'list' none of that would have happened, and the research it supported wouldn't have either.
professional or technician - how do you treat the person who shares your home and life?
Which would you rather have?
How do you like to be treated during your 'working hours'? Do you like to have creative ability to improve the status quo...or do you like being told what to do so you can make 5% profit for your company...or whatever other measly goal is set that someone thinks you can (under)achieve?
Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SomeLady
I've been thinking a lot, lately, about how little I do all day as a SAHM. I do some housework, and I make sure the kids don't burn the house down. Mostly, though, I goof around on the Internet.
This doesn't seem right to me. I feel like I should be doing more. Shouldn't I be working as if I were at a job? What job lets you goof off on the computer?
And, assuming a SAHM does all the housework possible during the day so that very little needs to be done on weekends and evenings, should there be an even division of labor? I sometimes think so. But, I also wonder if the reason I spend a couple of hours on the computer in the morning after everybody has left for the day isn't because I was doing all the stuff you do to get kids ready for school. Then, too, I also cook dinner and clean up afterwards. (H does the bedtime routine. I insist on this. I tell him it's because he should have that special daddy time with the kids. But, it's also because by that time, I'm pretty much ready to not deal with the kids any more for the day!)
I'm trying to be a better wife. Better housekeeping is part of that. So, I've been thinking about these things and I wondered what other people thought.
I think you're supposed to answer the door to a string of buff electricians, plumbers, milkmen etc. and, you know, do it. Well, that's what's in the, er, films.
Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
My husband isn't working to provide for me and the girls (I make as much as him but he works 2times as long as I do) only to come home to a messy house, dirty clothes and a cold kitchen.
I have a couple friends who stay home and do NOTHING.
They constantly fight with their irritated husbands though, and don't understand why.
Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl
I have a couple friends who stay home and do NOTHING.
They constantly fight with their irritated husbands though, and don't understand why.
Yeah that's my marriage. Add to that she is out socializing and spending money while I am at work. That makes me work more to pay the bills. Then she complains that I do not care about the family because I am gone at work all the time.
Do not get me wrong, I think she is an great mom. But not so great at being responsible or being a wife.
I know other SAHM's that have many kids and they amaze me. I do not know how they do it.
Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
To Somelady: there have been many great views shared in response to your thread. My wife is a SAHM (nice acronym BTW) and this year is the first year where our three boys are all in school. There are definitely two aspects of the SAHM role: the mom who is at home taking care of the kids and everything else because there are children home and then the mom who is just that -- the mother who is at home but without the kids. I am going to tread lightly here but follow me for a moment. It sounds like you are doing a great job -- if you aren't working and your husband is, the team concept dictates that taking care of the home is, for the most part, your contribution to the team effort. Gonefishin stated (very well) that, if your house is clean the the kids are good to go, then you are doing what you need to do. If this is the case, goof off on the computer all you want. You have done your part and, if your husband isn't saying that you aren't holding up your end and you sense that his feelings are genuine, than you are in the house (pardon the pun). Others have stated above that you should get a hobby and I can't agree more. There is nothing more important to a human being than being to do something that has nothing to do with anyone else and is the source of his/her inner strength necessary to repeat the previous days actions again and again. Everyone needs this, those who deny it or try to live without it are more unhappy that most.
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Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?) 
I have been groomed to look after a man since I was nine years old and I admit that it has certainly influenced me a great deal. I feel like such a bad wife if I don't have dinner on the table. I know it sounds sexist but I am just being honest about how I feel.
I loved my job and miss it like crazy.
