Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

Tall Average Guy · 02-27-2012, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomeLady

I agree there are some SAHM who do very little at all. But, do you think it's lazy because, after the wife doing all the house cleaning during the day and preparing the meals and cleaning up after, the husband is expected to do a couple of things with the children's evening and morning routines?

I think that's absurd. I also think that daily mundane parenting things like bedtime is "quality time." My husband told me that he only sees the kids for a few hours a day. He'd feel like a jerk if he sat and watched TV while I put them to bed. Not because it would be unfair to ME, but because it would be unfair to the kids. He likes to be the one to read them their bedtime stories.

I think that is reasonable, but perhaps it is because that is what my wife and I do. The kids (we have three) don't stop making messes just becuase I come home from work or am home over the weekends. My wife still does more of the house work (laundry, cleaning, etc.) during those times, but I chip in as needed. I also take on the more physical tasks (fixing the door or moving stuff) as well as outside work.

Neither of us like the housework, but it has to be done. we both look at it as something we do so that we can get time together. That means that on some evenings, she has it all under control before I walk in the door (actually most of the time), but on other evenings, I have to do more for us to get that time.

As I think about it, my perception is that my wife works hard at her job. Maybe she could do more, or be more efficient, but I really have not thought about it. But because I feel she is working hard to keep up her end, I am happy with what we accomplish together.

tennisstar · 02-27-2012, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomeLady

It depends on what the husbands do for a living. A man with a white collar job is probably going to be less tired than a mother of two preschool children. Plus, there's a lot to be said for a change of scenery and venue.

So, I don't think it's unfair for a husband to help with things that must be done in the evening, if the SAHM has done everything that can be done during the day.

White collar jobs are not physically demanding but they can be mentally draining. By the end of the week, I'm exhausted from putting up with the stresses of the week. So while I agree taking care of small children is hard work, don't discount the husband going to work. I think it's unfair to think your SAH work is more demanding. Both have their demands.

Having your husband participate in the nighttime routines for the children is probably a good way for him to get quality time with the children. Having him do the morning routine when he has to get ready for work....well, personally I think you should be doing that as you're the one staying home. Just my opinion.

I am certainly not trying to say you are lazy or any SAHM is lazy. I know many work hard caring for young children. What irks me is when some SAHMs forget that a lot of working moms have to come home, clean the house, cook, run children to afterschool activities etc. They have 2 jobs.
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SomeLady · 02-27-2012, 09:29 AM

I didn't say that my SAH work is more demanding than what my husband does. I just wonder why you assume the opposite.

I don't have my husband do "the routine" in the morning. He does some things in the morning. I make sure the boys are dressed and I pack their lunches. He has HOURS of time in the morning. He doesn't leave the house until 9:30. He doesn't even start getting ready for work until after the children have left for school. So, him helping see to them having their coats and book bags is no hardship to him at all. Pouring bowls of cereal while he pours his own is no hardship at all.

There's no reason why he can't do these things. There's no reason why he should not. Both parents should be involved in these mundane things to at least some extent.

zaliblue · 02-27-2012, 09:36 AM

uh, think that this post has opened those door so that all SAHM's are now considered to just have all of this free time. WHATEVER! I have a two year old and a one year old. I am in school, doing my work, cleaning, laundry (which I may add is a heck of a lot when you have 2 kids this young), cooking, changing diapers, cleaning bottles, doing errands, taking care of our pet....and I am sure I've left a few things out I feel that I do a lot, so I expect my hubby to help with the kids when he gets home. He usually will take care of the bath time routine for the kids and get them ready for bed...which i appreciate so much. I just can not stand to hear this 1950's scenario that since the man works, all household/kids/pretty much everything in the world has to be left for the wife. I work hard around here and I feel like I deserve a break as well!

tennisstar · 02-27-2012, 09:47 AM

I see how demanding white collar work can be, since that's all I have ever done. I am sure your work is hard, too. I was just getting the idea you thought your work was so hard and his was not. Maybe I read your tone wrong.

If he doesn't leave until 9:30, I agree. Most people I know who work have to be at work by 8 (including me) so that's why I said that. Maybe 8 am is just the work start time on my part of the country. I find helping out with kids in the morning hard if one has a long commute and has to be at work early.
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SomeLady · 02-27-2012, 11:02 AM

If he had to leave before 8am, I wouldn't expect anything of him other than trying not to get in the way of the morning stampede! LOL

My husband's job isn't physically demanding, but it's stressful. That's definitely tiring.