Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:04 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

I've been thinking a lot, lately, about how little I do all day as a SAHM. I do some housework, and I make sure the kids don't burn the house down. Mostly, though, I goof around on the Internet.

This doesn't seem right to me. I feel like I should be doing more. Shouldn't I be working as if I were at a job? What job lets you goof off on the computer?

And, assuming a SAHM does all the housework possible during the day so that very little needs to be done on weekends and evenings, should there be an even division of labor? I sometimes think so. But, I also wonder if the reason I spend a couple of hours on the computer in the morning after everybody has left for the day isn't because I was doing all the stuff you do to get kids ready for school. Then, too, I also cook dinner and clean up afterwards. (H does the bedtime routine. I insist on this. I tell him it's because he should have that special daddy time with the kids. But, it's also because by that time, I'm pretty much ready to not deal with the kids any more for the day!)

I'm trying to be a better wife. Better housekeeping is part of that. So, I've been thinking about these things and I wondered what other people thought.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:14 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

My daughter is nearly 4. I worked up until 8 months pregnant then went back to work full time when she was 2 and then stopped six months ago when my husband started his new job working away. Luckily he earns quite a bit so it's given me time to stay at home again with my lil one.

Because I am home all day I don't expect him to do any housework. I'm pretty fanatical about it anyway. He doesn't mind helping out, but I don't ask. He's been non stop at work and hasn't had the breaks that I have, so I don't expect him to come home and work too when I have the time and he is financially supporting us. Not even bedtimes. Story and quality time is nice and he likes to do it, but I wouldn't ask.

What do I do all day? Housework, play time (when she's not at kindy), trips to the store peacefully (sigh) ... not alot of computer time, maybe a phone call to a friend, run more errands, pay bills etc ... you know the drill.

I'm looking forward to going back to work when she starts proper school so for now I'm enjoying what I have. Why are you trying to be a better wife? Has he complained?

My advice is, if you're bored at home find a hobby or part time work. Don't complain to your husband about it (not that I'm saying you do). As long as my house is clean and my child and husband are happy, I'm happy.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:15 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by SomeLady View Post
I've been thinking a lot, lately, about how little I do all day as a SAHM. I do some housework, and I make sure the kids don't burn the house down. Mostly, though, I goof around on the Internet.

This doesn't seem right to me. I feel like I should be doing more. Shouldn't I be working as if I were at a job? What job lets you goof off on the computer?

And, assuming a SAHM does all the housework possible during the day so that very little needs to be done on weekends and evenings, should there be an even division of labor? I sometimes think so. But, I also wonder if the reason I spend a couple of hours on the computer in the morning after everybody has left for the day isn't because I was doing all the stuff you do to get kids ready for school. Then, too, I also cook dinner and clean up afterwards. (H does the bedtime routine. I insist on this. I tell him it's because he should have that special daddy time with the kids. But, it's also because by that time, I'm pretty much ready to not deal with the kids any more for the day!)

I'm trying to be a better wife. Better housekeeping is part of that. So, I've been thinking about these things and I wondered what other people thought.
the cats out of the bag SAHM have it easy.
if you can get the house work done during the day then why not?

maybe a part time job.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

I'd like to have a PT job, but it would have to be on the weekend due to our location/living circumstances. So, that would be me away from the family on his days off. This is something we may do for financial reasons, but I don't think it's anything to do with what a woman should be doing while her husband is working outside the home.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:24 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

When I was a SAHM, I was always out...go figure. I went to the gym, I took the baby to playgroup, I shopped, visited friends...then I'd be home in time for the older kids to get in from school, do a bit of clean up and make dinner. It was an easy life.

Now, I work full time outside the home. I long for those easier days, where I had plenty of me time. Now, there doesnt' seem to be time to get anything done! I'd love to be able to quit my job...definitely not one of those women who would be 'bored' if they had to stay home all day. No sirree...!
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:25 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm disabled with a spine injury, so I'm limited to what I can do in a single day.

I clean the house, I clean one thing, the rest, another thing will get done, then rest. I bike 20-30 minutes and I will often bake bread, pie, or a snack for the kids, so they have something to eat when they come home. I rest in between every activity.

I also take care of the dogs and chickens. We have a flock of 8 hens that give us fresh eggs. I clean the coop and their run 2-5 times a day.

When I rest, I'm on the internet. I do not watch much tv. When the kids get home, I get them started in their homework and make dinner. Dinner is done at 5-5:30. After that I take the night off resting and spend time with my husband and kids.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:30 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

If you're on the computer quite a bit, take an online class. Or better yet take a class at your local college. Exercise. Join a gym. Tend a garden. Read more.

All of that can be squeezed between keeping up with the household chores. When the kids get home, they will take up the rest of your time, and so will your husband.

I know if I was a SAHM I wouldn't be bored at all.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:32 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

My best friends ex used to say 'what do you do all day, watch Oprah?' and 'wish I had your life'... luckily my husband has never made those comments, probably because he likes sleeping inside.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:35 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

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should there be an even division of labor? I sometimes think so.
What? So your husband should drive someplace, work all day, drive back home and do half (or more) of the housework? That's what I do but I'm not real happy about it. I would be more than happy to trade places, stay home all day, do all the cooking, housework and kid stuff and let her go out and work and be responsible for providing. She can come home and do whatever she wants and I'll cook all the meals instead of half.

That said, I don't hold my wife to the same standard as myself. I expect her to be responsible for the kids while I'm gone, do all the laundry, try to pick up after herself, do at least one chore per day and make an effort to be pleasant and respectful when I'm home. If she does more (and she often does) that's great.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:41 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

I'm a sahm with 3 school aged kids. Between dropping off and picking up from TWO schools I have exactly 5.5 hours per day open. That's not a lot of time....

That said I work out, I eat right, laundry, dishes, cook, buy groceries, clean up, and yes I play on the computer. However my day doesn't end at 5pm it's 24/7.

Pick up the kids and it's homework times three plus I watch an extra kid for money. Cook dinner, clean up, do baths, finish up housework, spend time with kids and hubby. My husband and I do tag team the evenings because it's gets pretty hectic here.

I have every intention of getting a part time job as soon as the kids are old enough to stay at home by themselves for a few hours a day. If I did it now any money I made would go to after school care and daycare during the summers. It's not worth it.

My logic is as long as the house is clean, kids are taken care of, I cook, etc. what difference does it make if I play on the internet? I happen to know plenty of people who work and play on the internet during the day. How is what they do different than what I do?
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Old 02-24-2012, 10:38 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

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I'm a sahm with 3 school aged kids. Between dropping off and picking up from TWO schools I have exactly 5.5 hours per day open. That's not a lot of time....

That said I work out, I eat right, laundry, dishes, cook, buy groceries, clean up, and yes I play on the computer. However my day doesn't end at 5pm it's 24/7.

Pick up the kids and it's homework times three plus I watch an extra kid for money. Cook dinner, clean up, do baths, finish up housework, spend time with kids and hubby. My husband and I do tag team the evenings because it's gets pretty hectic here.

I have every intention of getting a part time job as soon as the kids are old enough to stay at home by themselves for a few hours a day. If I did it now any money I made would go to after school care and daycare during the summers. It's not worth it.

My logic is as long as the house is clean, kids are taken care of, I cook, etc. what difference does it make if I play on the internet? I happen to know plenty of people who work and play on the internet during the day. How is what they do different than what I do?
This is my wife, minus watching the extra kid. She volunteers a lot at the school. I think the biggest thing she does is running the errands during the day, when the stores are not so busy. She will often pick up things I need at the hardware store so that I can handle projects at night or on weekends without having to navigate the crowds. She also makes sure the beer fridge stays stocked.

She views her job as making our lives easier so that we have more free time in the evening and on weekends.
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Old 02-24-2012, 10:42 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

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This is my wife, minus watching the extra kid. She volunteers a lot at the school. I think the biggest thing she does is running the errands during the day, when the stores are not so busy. She will often pick up things I need at the hardware store so that I can handle projects at night or on weekends without having to navigate the crowds. She also makes sure the beer fridge stays stocked.

She views her job as making our lives easier so that we have more free time in the evening and on weekends.
Exactly. I used to volunteer a lot as well but it got to be too time consuming so I quit.

Errands are time consuming no doubt even during the day. Takes me TWO hours a week just to buy groceries (I go to multiple stores - all close together - to save the most money).

Then if my husband needs something I get his stuff too. Sometimes I even bring him lunch to work when he's too busy to get away. I also handle all the finances.
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Old 02-24-2012, 10:43 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

Somelady

I want to defend the stay at home moms. My wife gave up a career to stay at home and be there for our kids. Very big sacrifice. I think it is the toughest job on the planet. It is not a 8-5 job, so if my wife wants "me time" for a couple hours during the day so what. There is a huge trade off for the stay at home moms or dads.

Now, for those of you that stay at home and your house is dirty, and the kids are doing poorly in school you must ask yourself; what is the point of me being home?

Personally, I think some kids are getting short changed not having a parent around when they walk through the front door after school.
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Old 02-24-2012, 12:01 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

I would love to be a SAHM. Sadly we cannot afford that so I work full time and so does my husband. I did do this for one year though when I was unemployed. I spent my free time (after the basic childcare duties, housework and cleaning) accomplishing projects around the house. I taught myself how to do some basic hone maintenance and basic car maintenance. I took care of the stuff that was piling up on the "honey do" list, I figures there was no reason why I couldn't learn to do some of that stuff myself. Projects included fixing the toilet (seal was bad, replaced the seal and fixed the leaking pipes), cleaned out and rerouted the dryer vent, retired the bathroom, painted a few rooms, did basic car things like change oil in the car, replace batteries, etc. I would also try to do something nice for my husband like clean his car inside and out, meet him at his office and bring him lunch, iron his clothes (we have stopped ironing now lol), take his suits to the dry cleaner. I was just learning to sew when I got a new job, made curtains for the house and a couple dresses for my little girl. I am not the type of person who can sit still. I loved staying home and honestly felt so much more productive then than I do now that I work 50-60 hour weeks!!
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Old 02-24-2012, 12:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stay-at-Home Wives: What do you do all day? (What should they do?)

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if that's how the op was intended, i misinterpreted.

i took it as the housework is done. stuff that's above and beyond a days work is split evenly.

the situation you describe is not cool at all. if you are willing to do that much though, why wouldn't she allow it to continue, as there is no reprecussion to her action (or lack there-of).

if i slave drove my wife into double duty like that and she just did it without pushing back, i would probably lose respect for her.
Please. One would have to have respect in the first place to lose any. What exactly is above and beyond a days work? What exactly is a days work? It's sort of up to the individual and everyone is different. We see numerous different descriptions in this thread and some of these ladies' days sound pretty long.

My wife and I come from different family backgrounds from different parts of the country and we have different physical and emotional capabilities and maturity levels.

Honestly, all that cleaning and cooking just isn't that difficult for me, no matter how hard it is for my wife. And I love doing it because I love her and I love my kids and I love doing stuff for them. I would be happier staying home because I like being home. But I don't stay home because we want stuff.

Courtesy of her parents, my wife doesn't have any respect for married people, including herself. To the extent that she picks up more load, enhanced self-respect seems to be a major motivation for her. I've got it and she wants what I've got so she does what I do.
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