I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :( - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-24-2012, 01:52 PM Thread Starter
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Angry I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

Hi guys,
I'm new here and new to the marriage arena as well...going on to 3 years in a couple mnths. I've been trying so hard to make my marriage work, to build a strong solid relationship, but when you are the only person trying eventually bitterness seeps in. I keep asking myself "why did i marry this a-hole?"

Things have changed so much since we got married. My husband ignores me completely, in fact sometimes i feel like he's tolerating me. Sex is down a ****-hole, conversation is a thing of the past and oh yeah...forget about getting an "i love you"!

I honestly feel like i'm starting to hate him. My problem is this...if you knew you weren't willing to work on your marriage or willing to give of yourself, why the hell did you ask me to marry you? I feel cheated...tricked! If i had known marriage was going to be a perpetual lonely road i would have stayed single
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-24-2012, 02:18 PM
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

I totally understand. Before I got married a year ago (after 20 years as a single mom), my husband kept saying I would probably change.

Well, he's the one who changed. Long conversations are a thing of the past, expressing feelings was out the window, long work nights became the norm, and yes, I sometimes feel like I am boring him and he is tolerating me.

I think it goes back to the idea that some men are wired for the "chase," not the long-term commitment.

I guess it becomes our issue on how to figure out how to keep them "chasing" us, even after marriage, so they still feel challenged and interested.

My advice for you and for me, is to get involved in other activities and with other friends, so you have a fulfilling social life. My guess is he will start wanting to spend more time with you.
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-24-2012, 02:49 PM
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

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Originally Posted by Fieryredhead View Post
I think it goes back to the idea that some men are wired for the "chase," not the long-term commitment.

I guess it becomes our issue on how to figure out how to keep them "chasing" us, even after marriage, so they still feel challenged and interested.

My advice for you and for me, is to get involved in other activities and with other friends, so you have a fulfilling social life. My guess is he will start wanting to spend more time with you.
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-24-2012, 03:58 PM
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

I think I know how you feel.

My wife has; made 265 various forum posts, been through tens of thousands of dollars of therapy, and has been engaged in me with conversations about our marriage over the past 5 years.

Not once has she asked what she could do differently to make things better.

I don't think that's very nice.
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-25-2012, 04:47 AM Thread Starter
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I think I know how you feel.

My wife has; made 265 various forum posts, been through tens of thousands of dollars of therapy, and has been engaged in me with conversations about our marriage over the past 5 years.

Not once has she asked what she could do differently to make things better.

I don't think that's very nice.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-25-2012, 04:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

Conrad that's just crazy and obviously her therapist is a waste of $. I've tried everything. I've totally changed just to try to cater to his needs. But at some point u come to the realization that your spouse is just not interested enough to meet you half way, or they just find a million reasons to blame you for what's going wrong. I just think they're selfish people. Anytime someone completely ignores your needs in a marriage it says they are only committed to one thing....themselves! I remember telling my husband once that as a woman, I need some affection sometimes...well he just got annoyed n said that me "needing" something was just evidence of me being WEAK!!! Go figure
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-25-2012, 05:07 AM
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

If you think you have tried all you can then move on. Life is too short to stay in a bad marriage. Staying will not fix a thing.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-25-2012, 07:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shamarie View Post
Hi guys,
I'm new here and new to the marriage arena as well...going on to 3 years in a couple mnths. I've been trying so hard to make my marriage work, to build a strong solid relationship, but when you are the only person
You have a marriage... It takes two to make it work.

By your post and your words, it is time to move on. It appears you have tried everything you can except leave.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-25-2012, 11:23 AM
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

What was your husband's childhood like?

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Conrad that's just crazy and obviously her therapist is a waste of $. I've tried everything. I've totally changed just to try to cater to his needs. But at some point u come to the realization that your spouse is just not interested enough to meet you half way, or they just find a million reasons to blame you for what's going wrong. I just think they're selfish people. Anytime someone completely ignores your needs in a marriage it says they are only committed to one thing....themselves! I remember telling my husband once that as a woman, I need some affection sometimes...well he just got annoyed n said that me "needing" something was just evidence of me being WEAK!!! Go figure
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-25-2012, 11:40 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

He had a regular childhood I suppose. 3 brothers, no sisters...he told me once that he never saw his dad be affectionate with his mom, so maybe that has something to do with it...I think he has this opinion of women in general, that if men aren't strong and assertive, women will try to rule the relationship, so maybe he overcompensates. But I'm tired of trying to find all the reasons why he's been neglecting me...I think I've finally come to the realization that the situation is just not going to get better
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-25-2012, 11:48 AM
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

Does he want to make the marriage work so you're both happy or is he just fine with the way things are? Try reading His Needs, Her Needs and get him to read it too. If he knows you're unhappy and won't even read a book you suggest to help the marriage, then it may be time for you to move on and just work on yourself, even if it means separating.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-25-2012, 12:45 PM
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

When did the sex go bad?
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-26-2012, 11:00 AM
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

I wish my wife had left me before we had kids. If she were on here posting about her situation 20 years ago, she would have made me out to be a bastard also. And she probably would have been right. I even knew what my problems were and I didn't change. Why?

She never sat me down and told me her feelings. She never told me she stopped loving me. I am in a crap marriage right now and I can't get out of it. And you know what? I blame HER!!!

SHE married ME when she didn't love me. She had kids with ME when she didn't love me.

You are in a bad marriage? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Don't just whine on a website. SCARE HIM STRAIGHT!!! Tell him what you want. When he doesn't do it, pack a bag and LEAVE!!!!!!!!!

That will scare the **** out of him. If he see's it and changes, great. If not, it's the first day of the rest of your life.

To those without kids, this sounds cliche, but that is a MASSIVE advantage. You have NOTHING invested in this marriage and it's bad.

Leave.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-12-2015, 06:48 PM
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Re: I think I'm starting to resent my husband. I wish i didnt marry him :(

It's pretty clear he's gotten comfortable. He likes having you there, but doesn't think it's necessary to still be an active participant. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he got comfortable.

In what ways have you tried to work on the marriage? How long into the marriage did your bitterness seep in? Once bitterness enters, every thing a spouse does becomes a thorn. You will automatically look for things in your husband to dislike.

What you focus on most, is what you move toward. Start focusing on ways to be happy, with or without your husbands help. You don't want to be a bitter, angry person, because all that will do is create misery in all areas of you life. Hate is a feeling that destroys the hater, not the hated. Tell yourself you are opening yourself to love, and it will find you. You could even try to focus on being the best wife possible, regardless of how he behaves. This means avoiding dwelling on negativity, because it will show on your face plus tone of voice. True love is giving without expecting something in return. When love is given in that manor, it is always returned.

I'm new to marriage too, and have experienced similar problems. My husband got comfortable, while I thought I was doing everything. The real problem was my ideals of what marriage should be like. So I decided to pay attention to my own attitude and thoughts. Over time, I became happy, and noticed maybe my husband isn't as dismissive as I thought. I would laugh, and smile more rather than having a bitter face. Over time my husband started to enjoy my company, and would do more affectionate things towards me.

It's worth a try!
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