General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My advice is to stop wasting his time on you. You're not into him. That's not going to change, and he is eventually going to want intimacy and a partner who loves him. That's not going to be you. Posted via Mobile Device
I am very much attracted to his personality/humor/intelligence... I'm not attracted to him esthetically. I feel like that makes me shallow. I'm not going to lie; if I was physically attracted immediately (in addition to his personality) then I'm certain the gifts, vacations, etc. would be VERY easy to accept.
I have not had a stellar dating record. I tend to fall for good looking guys that end up being jerks - regardless of their financial status. I'm wondering if it might be time for me to expand my usual type to see if it works. I don't want to end up being a "jerk" if it doesn't work.
It doesn't make you shallow. You like what you like. If all you wanted was good looks, maybe then you'd be shallow, but everyone has some minimum level of attractiveness they desire.
From a guy's perspective, we bring what we have to the game. Having money makes it easier to make you feel like Cinderella. Having good looks means its easy to get attention, which has a tendency to breed jerks. Having a good personality is the harder sell initially, but is generally what keeps her.
Sounds like you have two out of three down. Maybe you'll warm up to his looks as time goes by? If you can't see that happening, then I think you should pass - you'll still crave the hot guy.
It's almost like you are trying to convince yourself to date him. Like trying to talk yourself out of it.
And I think it's probably because you're not attracted to him.
Least that is how I'm reading your posts.
I'm attracted to his personality... not his looks or his money...
I've never dated outside of the "looks box" so I'm wondering if anyone else has and what their experience has been.
I don't want to waste his time, my time or lead him on... but I also don't want to categorically dismiss him just because he isn't incredibly handsome & miss a chance at it being successful either.
I think it is worth exploring a little further with a few more dates but I'm going to make sure they are very casual/low-key.
I'm attracted to his personality... not his looks or his money...
I've never dated outside of the "looks box" so I'm wondering if anyone else has and what their experience has been.
I don't want to waste his time, my time or lead him on... but I also don't want to categorically dismiss him just because he isn't incredibly handsome & miss a chance at it being successful either.
I think it is worth exploring a little further with a few more dates but I'm going to make sure they are very casual/low-key.
You really don't seem shallow to me. You are honestly questioning continuing to see this guy. To me shill ow would be getting involved just for the perks. Much like young beautiful women with much older and unattractive men.
He really does not diserver that right. Niether do you for that matter. You can not make yourself sexually attractive to someone it is there or it is not. There are a few men who are on TAM who apparently get married to arm candy.
It seems to have turned out badly for them. The women cheated on them and reject them sexually. Don't do that.
Find someone who has the full package so that you enjoy you time with him. Gifts get old after a while and I think you are right about the control. In essence he is buying you and he will demand his pound of flesh.
I don't think he cares about you, it is too soon. He may want just sex Under those cercumstancese he is not likely to be very nice once he has you under control and the gift will stop when you are brought.
Take your dignity and self respect and move on. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm attracted to his personality... not his looks or his money...
I've never dated outside of the "looks box" so I'm wondering if anyone else has and what their experience has been.
I don't want to waste his time, my time or lead him on... but I also don't want to categorically dismiss him just because he isn't incredibly handsome & miss a chance at it being successful either.
I think it is worth exploring a little further with a few more dates but I'm going to make sure they are very casual/low-key.
I had another thought about this. If you're attracted to his personality, but not his looks or his money... isn't that basically just a friendship?
I just can't imagine finding fulfilling love without any physical attraction. Its the same when you find someone hot with zero personality (or worse, a sh*tty one). You only want them in bed and because they look good on your arm.
You really have to meet your personal minimum on both I think. My gut says if the guy was broke, he wouldn't have as much opportunity as he has. Its not necessarily shallow, wining and dining is easier with money and can amplify your experiences with us provided we don't start to look like we're throwing money around.
Like they say,"beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Only you know what floats your boat.I do so love to see a beautiful woman,but more often than not I've been attracted to women with some substance to them other than looks.As for the jerks you meet,well just maybe like the song says...you're looking for love in all the wrong places.
I would not date a guy who was insensitive to money issues.
What, you might say, I said he was wealthy, not that he had money issues. Well, the way he handles his money, is an issue.
He is making you feel borderline *****.
He has no clue what it's like to be in your shoes.
Empathy qualifications: FAIL.
How come you don't know him well enough to be able to tell him how you feel and to talk these things through...but he knows you well enough to be able to tell you how wealthy he is and to invite you on a vacation, presumably where he will hold the ticket in terms of you not having enough resources to bail on him, get your own room, tip security to watch your back, call your own cab, and book your own flight home.
FAIL!
As for the other questions. Yes, if someone has a good personality you might find that over time, knowing him...you will develop feelings for him romantically. But you don't get that by working on it, by purpose, saying, wow I like this guy, I can't find anything wrong with him, so I will attempt to be attracted to him romantically. It just happens. It might even catch you by surprise, one day, when you are standing around, and blindside you. After you get over the shock, then you get to decide what to do about it, and by then, you would know the guy well enough to have a heart-to-heart about it and decide to explore further, or not.
You really don't seem shallow to me. You are honestly questioning continuing to see this guy. To me shill ow would be getting involved just for the perks. Much like young beautiful women with much older and unattractive men.
He really does not diserver that right. Niether do you for that matter. You can not make yourself sexually attractive to someone it is there or it is not. There are a few men who are on TAM who apparently get married to arm candy.
It seems to have turned out badly for them. The women cheated on them and reject them sexually. Don't do that.
Find someone who has the full package so that you enjoy you time with him. Gifts get old after a while and I think you are right about the control. In essence he is buying you and he will demand his pound of flesh.
I don't think he cares about you, it is too soon. He may want just sex Under those cercumstancese he is not likely to be very nice once he has you under control and the gift will stop when you are brought.
Take your dignity and self respect and move on. Posted via Mobile Device
Haha Catherine, you said "package".
Your subliminal is showing.
I agree with your post, but I couldn't resist commenting.
find someone who has the full package so that you enjoy you time with him. easier said than done in wealthy, married suburbia land... Slim pickins 'round these parts for single guys in the 28-40 bracket.
gifts get old after a while and i think you are right about the control. In essence he is buying you and he will demand his pound of flesh. it rubs the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again.
i don't think he cares about you, it is too soon. He may want just sex under those cercumstancese he is not likely to be very nice once he has you under control and the gift will stop when you are brought. this is where my wealthy/power/control concerns fall into play. He is without a doubt an alpha male & while that adds attractiveness it is too early to tell whether that is a good thing or bad thing overall.
i don't think he is out to acquire me as arm candy. He knows that i would scoff at the suggestion. I made a point of dressing very casually when we were introduced. I didn't want my 2d professional image to influence the real tomboy/hippie chick 3d version.
take your dignity and self respect and move on. posted via mobile device
i would not date a guy who was insensitive to money issues.
What, you might say, i said he was wealthy, not that he had money issues. Well, the way he handles his money, is an issue.
He is making you feel borderline *****.
He has no clue what it's like to be in your shoes.
Empathy qualifications: Fail.
How come you don't know him well enough to be able to tell him how you feel and to talk these things through...but he knows you well enough to be able to tell you how wealthy he is and to invite you on a vacation, presumably where he will hold the ticket in terms of you not having enough resources to bail on him, get your own room, tip security to watch your back, call your own cab, and book your own flight home.
Fail!
Really, really good points i had not considered... He does not know my financial position and it would not be polite to ask (his is very obvious - due to his profession & assets). Though it was a generous and likely sincere gesture it was a bit presumptuous with sprinkles of control.
As for the other questions. Yes, if someone has a good personality you might find that over time, knowing him...you will develop feelings for him romantically. But you don't get that by working on it, by purpose, saying, wow i like this guy, i can't find anything wrong with him, so i will attempt to be attracted to him romantically. It just happens. It might even catch you by surprise, one day, when you are standing around, and blindside you. After you get over the shock, then you get to decide what to do about it, and by then, you would know the guy well enough to have a heart-to-heart about it and decide to explore further, or not. very true... I've just never done that before... I'm brand new to this venture.
I had another thought about this. If you're attracted to his personality, but not his looks or his money... isn't that basically just a friendship?
I just can't imagine finding fulfilling love without any physical attraction. I'm trying to determine if it is possible to develop a secondary physical attraction instead of my standard primary.
Its the same when you find someone hot with zero personality (or worse, a sh*tty one). NO DOUBT
You only want them in bed and because they look good on your arm. Public validation has zero importance to me, private validation is another thing entirely... Not validation for me but to give to someone else to show awesome & sexy you think they are.
You really have to meet your personal minimum on both I think. My gut says if the guy was broke, he wouldn't have as much opportunity as he has. Previously... you would be correct and you still may be... I would like to see if that is really true. He isn't UNattractive... he just isn't very attractive... God I hate saying that. It sounds so egotistical & petty.
Its not necessarily shallow, wining and dining is easier with money and can amplify your experiences with us provided we don't start to look like we're throwing money around. The vacation offer was a bit over the top for a first date but I don't think it came from a negative place.
I would be very careful about being alone with this guy until you know him a lot better. Did you meet through friends/acquaintances? Spend time getting to know him in the company of friends. What's his relationship and his business history? You can tell a lot about people by how they make their money.
I had a relationship with someone once. I asked him did he sometimes show one country's leader out the back door while keeping the guy's enemy in the foyer waiting for the next meeting. The answer was yes. Such a player. LOL. I let him marry someone else who was more suitable for this lifestyle/attitude. I think he has changed and is in a new line of business, or just switched to a lower-profile industry: logistics. ROFL. How fitting!
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Re: Dating WAY Outside the Box (esp. Wealthy Men) 
