General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
aaarrrggghhh.... crap.... I've skimmed a few posts on this topic and those that really jumped out at me included variations of "rich guys are evil, self-centered, etc."... This is a huge red flag but I'm not easy swayed by stereotypes yet I am logical. I can see the data to support the psychology behind their status & power.
I recently went on a blind date with a guy who is very wealthy. We had spoken on the phone, texted alot and we absolutely hit it off in the personality/humor department.
The fact that he is wealthy & is already wanting to spend crazy amounts of money on me after our first date is very disturbing. It's very generous & I'm flattered but it just doesn't sit well (cue red flags for potential control/power issues). I'm trying to convince myself that is the main reason why I am hesitant to date him but I am ashamed to admit that probably isn't the biggest reason.
My shallow side is also whispering in my ear... "he isn't bad looking but he is definitely not handsome by any means..." I look much younger than I am but he looks even more older than he is.... I sound like such an egotistical *****.... UGH!
If I date this guy it will be the first time I've done so based on personality alone. It doesn't feel right but then again... the broke handsome men I have dated can be just as bad if not worse.
How does a person get comfortable with a drastic change from their usual type of partner?
Is it possible to become attracted to someone eventually?
How do I keep him from trying to kiss or hug me until/if I get there?
How do I handle accepting or declining gifts, vacations, etc. without insulting him?
I'll feel like I'm stringing him along while I decide if personality/humor alone will "get me there"... I'll essentially be lying to him and for all intents & purposes become a glorified prostitute without any of the physical intimacy....
It would be soooo much easier if we could custom order a guy who is stable (emotionally & financially), does not have a BSC ex or young kids (NOT still married), is handsome (sexy), funny, loves sports & music and is geographically desirable!!!
Sounds like you're trying to sell yourself into being attracted to him. You may manage to make yourself think you believe it for a little while but IMO attraction, at least physical, is either there or it isn't.
Not sure I understand what bearing the size of his tax return has to do with it. If he's wealthy it's easy for him to buy gifts which compared to the standard of the population would make him stand out - he's just using a tool available to him to make him unique. If it makes you uncomfortable softly suggest something like, "instead of buying me something it would mean so much if you made or wrote me something" but it sounds like the relationship may not be there yet. Just don't let him think he can "buy your affection" and if he tries just politely avoid or decline, otherwise smile and say "thank you."
I am very much attracted to his personality/humor/intelligence... I'm not attracted to him esthetically. I feel like that makes me shallow. I'm not going to lie; if I was physically attracted immediately (in addition to his personality) then I'm certain the gifts, vacations, etc. would be VERY easy to accept.
I have not had a stellar dating record. I tend to fall for good looking guys that end up being jerks - regardless of their financial status. I'm wondering if it might be time for me to expand my usual type to see if it works. I don't want to end up being a "jerk" if it doesn't work.
My shallow side is also whispering in my ear... "he isn't bad looking but he is definitely not handsome by any means..."
If I date this guy it will be the first time I've done so based on personality alone. It doesn't feel right but then again... the broke handsome men I have dated can be just as bad if not worse.
How does a person get comfortable with a drastic change from their usual type of partner?
Is it possible to become attracted to someone eventually?
How do I keep him from trying to kiss or hug me until/if I get there?
How do I handle accepting or declining gifts, vacations, etc. without insulting him?
It would be soooo much easier if we could custom order a guy who is stable (emotionally & financially), does not have a BSC ex or young kids (NOT still married), is handsome (sexy), funny, loves sports & music and is geographically desirable!!!
Yes it would be much easier if we could custom order a man!
But, in all seriousness, it is possible to become attracted to him eventually.
Years ago, I dated a guy that I wouldn't normally date. He was about my height, maybe slightly shorter, and bald*ing*. He had a great sense of humor and his personality was awesome - always happy and smiling. This told me that he was totally comfortable with himself, which he was, and that in itself was attractive. He wasn't rich by any means, but he did have a job and his own place. I never thought I'd end up falling in love with him, but I did. The more I was around him, the more "cute" he was to me and he totally turned me on. We had amazing chemistry, after my "shallowness" went away, and our sex was great! Alot of these things you can tell from that first kiss.
I normally went for the taller guys with nice hair, etc. Cute and attractive from the get go...
I'd say give it a chance, take it day by day, and see what happens. You never know....
Ok - don't take offense at this I'm just approaching from a different direction. If he was the exact same guy but had average financial resources would we be having this conversation?
Ok - don't take offense at this I'm just approaching from a different direction. If he was the exact same guy but had average financial resources would we be having this conversation?
I think attraction isn't something that can be created.
What are the things you like about him (besides his wealth?)
And what is a BSC ex?
His list of attributes are; VERY funny, easy to talk to, intelligent, ambitious, available, does not appear to be snobby... but maybe a little pushy & trouble with boundaries/control issues.
Actually his wealth isn't something I am attracted to... it makes me uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY by making what I felt like was an impulsive & overly generous offer for a vacation - on our first date! One of my biggest fears is risking or losing my independence. I'm not saying it would not be a NICE perk to have someone that can easily afford expensive vacations, dinners, etc... it's just not on my list of "must-haves".
K - so just give it some time - go on a few more dates with him - that's what they're for. Just don't talk yourself into a relationship - be honest. If it comes together that's awesome, but if it doesn't admit it for both your sakes.
Ok - don't take offense at this I'm just approaching from a different direction. If he was the exact same guy but had average financial resources would we be having this conversation?
No offense taken.... VERY good direct question that I obviously missed asking myself by dancing around the topic.
I'll try to answer that without the dancing but I'm not sure I can... bare with me while I try...
YES... because of the good traits I mentioned previously.
NO... because physical attraction is very high on my "must-haves".
YES... because given my track record maybe I should place less of a priority on the physical attraction.
NO... because I'm not sure it's enough.
Sorry.... couldn't avoid the dance. I TRIED THOUGH!
I'm going to add this and then give someone else a chance to get a word in so I don't take over your thread.
Physical looks are guaranteed to fade unless he's D!ck Clark, money may or not always be there.
Personality and the person someone is are the least likely things about someone to change and even that's not guaranteed, but the longer you get to know someone before closing the deal the better idea you'll have. Good Luck - like I said -get to know him a little better. Love and attraction can take any number of forms in a relationship and in a good one they will take several different ones as the years progress.
K - so just give it some time - go on a few more dates with him - that's what they're for. Just don't talk yourself into a relationship - be honest. If it comes together that's awesome, but if it doesn't admit it for both your sakes.
I'm pretty sure I will go on at least one, maybe two more dates but since I declined his overly generous offer he is wanting to set the next date now and aside from the subject matter discussed here... I have other priorities that are preventing me from saying yes or no for a few more days. I won't be able to give him an answer until the day of...
If he doesn't handle that well then at least I'll have my answer... ZZZAAAPPPP - not for me.
7Likes
Dating WAY Outside the Box (esp. Wealthy Men) 
Re: Dating WAY Outside the Box (esp. Wealthy Men) 
Yes it would be much easier if we could custom order a man! 
