HaHa

What does a good marriage look like in terms of day-to-day?

For me, it looks like two people who are doing their best. Its going to be different for everyone. For me, being in love and married means that one of my goals each day is to look at my husband and think what can I do to make his life a little better or brighter today? Whether its cooking a meal he really likes, doing laundry, sweeping, leaving a little note for him, something sexual, etc., I try to do one thing a day that I know fills his “love bank” up. It can be verbal or physical and doesn’t have to be some big thing. Just something simple I know he likes or will appreciate. It may take 5 minutes or five hours. I don’t look at it as quid pro quo though. For me, being in love and being in a good marriage is not about,”I did this for you. Now what are you going to do for me?” Thankfully, I am married to a man who feels the same as I do.

As for specific examples, we have Netflix and we find a TV show and watch one episode a night on the couch together after kiddo is in bed. Even if we are dead tired, just having that quiet time together helps make us strong I think. To me, it says I would love to just crash right now, but our relationship is more important to me than an extra half hour of sleep. Its cooking together so we chat about our day. Its making time for a date once a week even if we just go to the bookstore and have coffee.

I think it’s just the little things that add up that make a good marriage for me. It’s the watching TV, hugs in the kitchen, short calls and texts throughout the day to see how it’s going, etc. that make us feel loving and connected towards each other. Sex is another huge one for us. It makes us closer and more loving as a couple out of the bedroom I think.

That said, it’s not always easy to have the “what can I do to make his life better” mentality. Like anything there are days it takes conscious effort for whatever reason and it takes practice. Maybe I am cranky, irritable, or tired or maybe he is. Those are the days I think or most important to make sure I try. When I started out this mentality, I had a reminder on my phone set that said, “What will make **** happy today?”. It helped to have a tangible reminder every day.

SimplyAmorous

Me & my husband have all of this.... we are both Hopeless Romantics at heart (did a thread on that).... we love being joined at the hip.... it really IS a beautiful thing. I would be very sad if my husband didn't want these things....

I have done threads on the laughter we have in our house, how our love languages are in sinc, the 'willing" Transparency because we genuinelly love to share with each other (nothing is forced), the openness & honesty , always ....never a threat , how my sex drive has awakened, about vulnerabilty with each other..

I would say what is at the bottom of our list would be #8...and that is only because we love to be together SO darn much, that we have little interest in getting off alone without the other. Last night I purposely went out with my neighbor to a "parents night out" thing, just cause I SHOULD -good for me to get out , but honestly, I hate to give up a night with my husband.

Typical weekday for us...

1. Wake up at 5am, start touching each other, I feel like a little girl in the candy store when I feel he is hard against me, I go down on him, we debate whether to "do it " now, have a little fun but control ourselves or save it for tonight. Alarm goes off at 6:00, but we ALWAYS have a little erotic cuddle time.

2. I get up to make his breakfast & pack his lunch, kids are up, we all talk about whatever, he kisses me- feels my butt, tells me to be careful if I am going out.

3. He comes home, He finds me, puts his arms around me, pulls my hair to the side, kisses my neck, or my lips, I am on TAM half the time or cooking, I LOVE when he comes over to me & shows naughty affection, he generally sits down at his laptop. I always ask about his day, he is happy I am interested. He asks me about mine.

....For instance today... I went over & straddled myself on top of him -like I was riding him (no kids in the room) , arms wraped around his neck , touching his face, his hair, unbuttoned his shirt , telling him how I can't wait for tonight- oh baby -I miss him, can't wait to feel his body (I can go on & on but I will spare you) ! (we waited this morning)...I am very feisty .

4. We'll each have our computer time in the dining room, feet away from each other, we'll talk back & forth, kids in & out, lots of communation going on (we have 5 kids at home)...if anything is said that can be taken "dirty"...we run with that, we'll look at each other knowing what is on the others mind and/or say a joke, like if the baby asks for a hot dog. We act a bit Teenagerish...but we're never too old...right !

Our kids openly see us flirt all the time.... not too long ago..... he says to me... about heating something in the microwave...."you heat them too much those buns will be like rubber”.. I said “so long as your buns ain’t like rubber”…. He said back ....“yours are bouncy bouncy bouncy”… ... my daughter said slowly .....“ I don’t know what that means , I don’t want to know”.
(typical night around our house).


5. Running kids to gymnastic, youth groups, -we go shopping together to kill time. Or if he has a project, he will stay behind to get that done when I am busy running ... we manage our time very well so we can spend at much of it together as we can.

6. My kids get themselves ready to bed for the most part, I don't care how long they stay up, they all have good grades and NEVER give us trouble getting up -so their night is thier own...and so is ours.... We go upstairs approx 8 pm -shut & lock the door behind us, we take a bath together , sometimes bubbles & candles, we talk in the tub, many times about stuff I read on here, deep stuff, everything, anything about our day, plans for the future, memories, kids, their love life, things to buy , feelings...

7. After this ...we watch a movie together - who needs clothes, my head is on his stomach, while my hands are busy , during comercials I go down on him, we rarely make it through a movie..... or we just talk in bed, read something together, we might do a massage if we are not having sex that night, but the Consensus IS... love making ...we both want it and enjoy arousing it . It is always enthusiastic, wanted, we thrive on the emotional connection.... and after those glorious orgasms , he tells me ..."you took all my test" and well...he is ready to fall asleep!

( On his days off, I may cook breakfast in lingerie -while kids are in school & we might have sex in another part of the house, in the summer, outside).

That is a typical day & night for us !

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"Love Good Blog"

Thewife

I consider ours a good marriage. On a day to day basis everyday is a different day like misty's dad said. We both work and have young kids at home so some days we come home to extremely cranky kids and have to brace ourselves for tantrums, on other days we are tired out by hyper kids. There are days when we all come home and sit on that couch and sip coffee and share about the days good/bad events before kissing the kids good night like our family is the perfect.
Usually it goes like - come home, fresh up, talk to and play with kids for an hour, kiss them good night, go about doing our own stuff , shower, eat supper or dinner together, chat for a few minutes (depends on time) and sleep.
Weekends are totally different we usually go to the beach and spend the whole morning lazing around, we all love it

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"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."

SimplyAmorous

My particular Post sounded very "sexual" in nature...just wanted to clarify...this is because it was the ONE THING we didn't get right in the 1st 19 yrs of our marriage, so now in Mid Life, we are making up for lost time. Want it to last as long as we can. For the 1st 19 yrs.... we put the kids before even ourselves, we rarely even got off alone...

So now it is like......that old song by Tommy James.... "I think we're alone now" -about trying to get away from the parents... but in our case, we are trying to run away from the kids, we got it all backwards.

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"Love Good Blog"

waiwera

We look for ways to spend time together.
We laugh, we talk, we kiss and cuddle.
We cook together often.
We work on our property or we go fishing/kayaking together.

We're apart most of the weekdays so we seek together time whenever we can.. I get quite excited about the weekends knowing he'll be all mine for the next few days.
Silly after so long together but friday afternoons I meet him at the front steps (like the family dog) thrilled to see him , tail wagging...ready to hump his leg

greenpearl

There is nothing special about our marriage, but we don't have problems other people have.

We don't fight over little things. There is nothing to fight.

We don't have financial stress. Mainly because we are not extravagant spenders. We choose simplicity and peace over luxury and stress.

We don't have family problems since both of live far away from our countries. I am doing my best to keep in touch with his family, he does his best to take care of my family financially.

We enjoy spending time together. Except work, we do everything together.

What make a person feel sweet are usually small things.

When my husband wants to do something for him, I do it right away. When I want my husband to do something for me, he does it right away.

I always make sure that he has enough money in his wallet since I am in charge of money. He is also pampered by having quite a few hobbies.

We both share house chores. But when he teaches more hours, I do more house chores to make his life more relaxing and comfortable.

Both of us love to have sex and our sex life is really fulfilling.

There are no secrets between us. Everything is open, finance, friendship, work, family, etc.

The conclusion is you start your day knowing you are lucky to be married to a person who loves you and you love him too; in the evening, you leave work knowing your home is sweet and peaceful, you are eager to go home.

Love Song

I know this is about a good marriage and we definantly have our share of problems. But we have a lot of laughs too. When we wake up in the mourning, he covers my mouth and we have a good laugh over my mourning breath. He'll say things like "if you want this marriage to last you'll be quiet right now" "please for the sake of us be quiet"

He jokes that he's always wanted to do "the motor" (i think that's what they call it) where he puts his head between my boobs and makes a motor sound but says "he would probably die from suffocation."

I tease him on his ears (his ears stick out). They actually look good on him but I tease him about it.

I like the point of this thread, to show what it's like to be in a happy marriage. But I think if your one of those people who are trying to stick it out and everything isn't as happy a time as you would like then you should keep in mind the things you do enjoy in the marriage. I know my husband would never judge me for anything. He would always love me even if/when i'm wrong. But that doesn't mean he's going to pass up the opportunity to make a joke about it and that's one of the things I love about him.

The_Good_Wife

ahhh so where do I start from....

on good days:
We wake up together and coudle in bed for 10 mins while listening to the radio. He gets up and starts making coffee. He takes his shower (I like taking mine right before bed) while I make breakfast ready (cereal when we are in a rush or eggs with sausage and veggies when not in a rush). I help him pick a matching tie and put his lunch in his bag and he leaves the house with a kiss. I go to my classes and come home arnd 4. I cook dinner. He comes home around 6 we kiss and hug for abt 5 minutes (he usually brings me flowers or chocolates...he makes sure there are always fresh flowers on the kitchen table so as soon as they start dying a little I know he will come home with new flowers). We eat. He does the dishes and we are normally still talking abt how our day was. We watch tv or play wii and go to bed arnd 11. We like to give each other a quick masage before bed. we spoon or coudle all night and wake up the next morning to repeat.

Weekends he cook breakfast and lunch and we go out to eat on sat evenings. Sunday church and lunch out and time at home cleaning the house or watching tv.


On bad days:
The oposite of what happens on the good days...he makes coffee only for himself. Is super grumpy, doesn't even talk to me while eatting and leaves the house early (usually with a mismatched tie).
Comes home and gets mad for whatever reason and we take it from there....

desert-rose

No one controls, demeans, puts down, or belittles the other one. The couple generally enjoys seeing each other and doesn't avoid each other. Both people feel comfortable talking to each other without worry that saying something is going to cause a conflict.

Yeah....my scales are a bit off, but that's how I see it at the moment.

the gifted

It's like communication between you should be tied largely unrelated and mostly not related to binding

Catherine602

Thor you sad your wife thinks you are being unrealistic. Do you care to share what you would like? You are unhappy, what are 3 most important things that you would need to make you happy in your relationship?

I am surprised your wife wants to model her marriage after her parents. I thought her childhood was dysfunctional.

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"Hey some guys need a book to find the G-spot. It was intuitive for me. Some take the road less travelled." Enthropy 3000

Thor

Catherine, it isn't so easy to come up with a list!

My wife is in a self protective mode, and has been almost her entire life due to sex abuse when she was quite young. So for her the things she wants would revolve around security, stability, non-emotional interactions, etc. Her parents had what I would call a sterile room mate relationship, and that fits quite well with my wife's needs.

I would like to be able to discuss the relationship. I would like some emotional intimacy. I would like a sense of teamwork and common goals. I would like to feel my opinion, goal, suggestion, or idea is valued to the point of getting an equal consideration. I want to be more than a live in home-improvement project handy man. I want some physical touch aside from sex. Spontaneous authentic demonstrations of affection from her would be nice. I would like to feel safe in telling her how I feel about something. I would like to believe she is openly and fully honest with me.

Well the list wasn't so hard once I got going!

Gaia

lol I'm guilty of asking my hubby to do just that.. but thats normally when I'm pregnant and the kids are in the room with us...(Sometimes he just lets em rip whereever and at those times one of the kids happens to have their head right by his rear end... lol)

KathyBatesel

For me, it means that there's a connection throughout the day, even when we're apart. Our day-to-day looks like this:

He goes to work, and about 3-4 times a week I get a "Good morning" text and/or a phone call - not that there's anything to really talk about, just a connection that says I'm on his mind and he's on mine.

While he's gone, I am writing articles most of the day. But when he gets home, he finds that his clothes have been cleaned and usually he walks in to the smell of whatever I'm making for dinner. If not, then it's because we're going to dinner with his family most of the time. (I don't have family nearby.)

Twice a week we go out socially together, but the rest of the days we usually stay home. He either wants to relax or has tasks he wants to get done. Whenever it's appropriate, I help him, like when he trims trees and I pick up and load the branches into our truck. On the flip side, he also helps me on things - sometimes because I ask, but sometimes just because he sees it needs to be done - like shampooing our carpets: It's something he doesn't mind doing but I don't like, so he just does it.

When we don't have household tasks, we usually watch television together. I don't care for television much and wouldn't own one on my own (at least, I haven't when I'm single) but that's our "together" time. When the news comes on at 10, I come back to my computer while he watches it. He usually falls asleep there. When I'm ready for bed, I go make him a glass of water and wake him up. He showers while I catch up on games on my phone, then we go to sleep.

Throughout all of this, we seem to have many reasons to say "thank you," "I appreciate that," and "I love you." When we have disagreements, which are pretty rare, I usually walk away to put my thoughts together before trying to talk. When I'm ready to discuss whatever happened, I have narrowed my thoughts down to two or three sentences to express what I want to see or to give an apology. If he asks questions, I feel like he listens. When he has opinions, I do my best to see his point of view. Sometimes we agree to disagree, and both of us are ok with that... at least, so far.

heartsbeating

I'm just going to give a glimpse on our routines.

Weekday: his alarm goes off, he'll roll over and snuggle with me. Sometimes morning fun, sometimes still half-asleep enjoying the peacefulness or just being loving. We usually hear the dogs begin to stir. Then my alarm will go off. On a good "timing" day, I'll get ready to walk the dogs with him and we take a brisk walk and chat. Other times, it makes more sense for him to walk the dogs solo while I iron his shirt, make us tea (and breakfast ideally). We get ready for the day.

During the day, we'll text each other either messages of love, admiration, flirtation, or simply checking in to see how the other is doing. He often texts me first but I'll notice if I haven't heard from him by around 1pm and will text him instead. Sometimes we call each other during the day just to catch up. Depends on whats happening in our day. No rules about it, just a pattern we have fallen into.

When we're both home from work, there's always kiss hello and hugs upon seeing each other. The dogs will need to go out again as we don't have a yard. If either of us have stuff on our mind we need to talk about, we agree on walking (so we can talk - I'm not fit enough to talk and jog at the same time). If conversation can wait, we jog the dogs on the track. When back home again, dinner to be made. I cook Mondays - Wed, he does Thurs - Sat. Anything goes Sunday. When I cook I like to be solo with music, so he'll catch up on reading or play with the dogs or line up a movie. When he cooks, I take my guitar stool into the kitchen and we chat while he cooks, as he likes company when he cooks. We either eat at the table and I'll light candles and we chat or flirt, or we eat on the couch while watching our show.

We find a show we both want to watch. We really only watch 30mins tv of an evening... Unless its been a day where we want to veg with a movie or get really into a series and do a marathon viewing, but that's not very often. Sometimes I play guitar, he reads, mostly we just hang out together though. We chat a lot and amuse ourselves with silliness.

Weekends: dogs in the mornings. Sometimes he let's me sleep in. I owe him one or two! Breakfast together, then we hit the farmers markets. We might get some street food for lunch. I get flowers most weeks and arrange them in the house, do some cleaning, while he runs errands at the supermarket or hardware store (they sometimes sell hotdogs at the hardware store, he ain't fooling me lol, I think that's cute though). More dog walking and talking and whatever it is happening on that weekend. Sunday morning I like to cook breakfast - so does he - so it depends who gets up first and feeling most inclined. If its a lazy Sunday watching movies, we get popcorn and snacks. We have two couches but often end up laying side by side on just one while watching movie. This also leads to flirting. We also like heading out to different areas with the dogs - beach, country just outside the city, stimulates us as well as the dogs with seeing new things. I pack us snacks because I'm a tight ass.

Anyway, that's fairly typical for us. We like it
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