Unhappy now my affair is over, possibly depressed, what can i do?

laur31 · 03-01-2012, 07:06 AM

Ive been with my husband for 10 years now im 31 he's 38. Married 2 years after our first date. We now have 3 daughters aged 9, 7 and a baby girl 10 months old, have our own house, We're in a stable relationship and the love is there for the most part.
Ive always been into keeping fit and looking after myself even after giving birth, while my husband has let himself go over the years, he used to have a nice body but now he is quite big, 46" waist, XXXL clothes. Im still a small size 8-10 dress. Our sex life is ok, i havnt enjoyed making love properly with him most of the time, i mean 5 minutes and he would be finished, id orgasm maybe once or twice every month and thats because i was on top, he likes being on top all the time unless he has had stress at work.

At the start of the recession i lost my job, luckily he has a very well paid career so i havnt been in work for over 3 years. So then i started going to the gym 5 times/week instead of 1/2 times when my children were at school. I met a gorgeous guy Tom now aged 23 who has the fittest athletic body ive ever seen and we get on really well more than ive ever had with anyone in my life.

I resisted sleeping with him for months until i gave in, i was sexually frustrated and the passion with Tom was out of this world i absolutely loved it. So then i was going to the gym 2 times a week, and 3 times at his place while my husband thought i was at the gym, he has never suspected a thing. I expected to feel guilty for cheating as its something ive always despised and hated people who do it but the sex with Tom was really, literally mind blowing. He is so energetic and within a few weeks he knew exactly how to push all my buttons i was orgasming every few minutes and double/triple orgasms it was just so intense.

After about 18 months the pill failed me, i fell pregnant with my now baby daughter. I went for an abortion but on the day at sitting in the clinic i broke down crying i couldnt go through with it incase it was my husbands. So i stopped seeing Tom he was devestated he finally admitted that he loved me, i stopped going to the gym when my tummy became noticable so Tom wouldnt know. I went for a scan to find out my due date, friday night was with my husband, following mon,wed,friday with Tom, saturday with husband, conception was on the thursday. My heart sank into my stomach. My husband decided to get the snip. Stephanie was born healthy, and now im noticing more every day her eyes and lovely cute smiles are reminding me of Toms eyes and smile.

I decided to get back to the gym, hoping to get back with Tom. But now he's engaged to some 20 year old who is 4 months pregnant. EVerytime i see him in the gym i long for him but i cant have him, ive tried flirting and he knows i want him. Im now getting to the point i wouldnt mind leaing my husband for Tom, if i tell Tom what has happened and if he wants to get a DNA test done.

Tom may hate me for it though, he seems to really love his girlfriend, and my life will turn upside down if my husband knew.

I am happy with my marriage, my husband is a lovely person everyone likes him, but his body turns me off i have to make sure the lights are off before he gets naked just so i can make love to him, and he doesnt seem to want sex much unlile Tom who made me feel he couldnt get enough of me. I miss that feeling i wish my husband was like it, i even keep fit for him so he finds me physically attractive and i know he likes it as he always asks me to wear tight mini dresses when we're out with friends he likes to show me off.

Yet i feel unhappy even though i have a lovely family and children i love to bits. Its just the sex, we make love maybe once every few days at most which is pleasurable but i rarely orgasm as he cant hold out for long before climaxing then he goes soft just as im getting into it, Tom used to go for a LOT longer and he would be hard again within 15 minutes then he would last even longer! He was unbelievable. I dont find my husband attractive anymore, its only his lovely personality that makes me feel just about happy enough being in this relationship.

I want Tom more than anything, but he isnt available.

Sorry for a long message, i just have no one to talk to about this as i hate having all this secrecy bottled up. I want my marriage to work i just dont know what to do without anyone getting hurt.

2nd_t!me iz_best · 03-01-2012, 07:12 AM

first thing is tell your husband

Almostrecovered · 03-01-2012, 07:13 AM

prepare to duck

laur31 · 03-01-2012, 07:23 AM

Im not telling my husband, i know it would be the right thing to do, but our marriage would be over, i would be better off slitting my wrists at least then no one will get hurt and my family will be safe.

2nd_t!me iz_best · 03-01-2012, 07:27 AM

you dont think he deserves to know?
to make an informed decision?
to know he has possibly been exposed to disease?
how incredibly selfish.

Almostrecovered · 03-01-2012, 07:36 AM

so why do you care that your marriage would be over? You don't love your husband enough to tell him the truth or be faithful, you don't respect him enough to tell him the truth or be faithful, you don't even have the decency to allow him to make an informed decision.

so if you don't love or respect your husband you must want to stay married for the financial support

guess what that makes you?

canttrustu · 03-01-2012, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laur31

Im not telling my husband, i know it would be the right thing to do, but our marriage would be over, i would be better off slitting my wrists at least then no one will get hurt and my family will be safe.

Well, if you're not going to tell your husband then what is your question? Are you asking us how to get "tom" back? I dont see those answers coming from this forum. If it's your family you are concerned about and not just your own greed then you will stop this, tell your husband and take what you have coming. He may be able to work through it and forgive you or he may put you on the curb. At this point your husband is the one with all the rights, you forfeited yours.

laur31 · 03-01-2012, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2nd_t!me iz_best

you dont think he deserves to know?
to make an informed decision?
to know he has possibly been exposed to disease?
how incredibly selfish.

Maybe if he was a better husband i wouldnt have been selfish in the first place?
He hasnt been exposed to a disease.

He doesnt need to know, it makes no difference. Ive been incredibly discreet, none of my friends know and no one can find out. My husbands name is on Stephanies birth certificate, he is her father.

I was playing safe i was on the pill. She could still even be my husbands, though i dont think she is as her eyes and smile look too much like Tom.

No one needs to get hurt from my mistake of trying to be happy.

Gratitude · 03-01-2012, 07:50 AM

You're story and attitude seems a little unbelievable.

Are you for real?

laur31 · 03-01-2012, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Almostrecovered

so why do you care that your marriage would be over? You don't love your husband enough to tell him the truth or be faithful, you don't respect him enough to tell him the truth or be faithful, you don't even have the decency to allow him to make an informed decision.

so if you don't love or respect your husband you must want to stay married for the financial support

guess what that makes you?

I used to respond to people exactly the same way.
Hope it doesnt happen to you, that youll ever end up cheating no matter what the reason.

Almostrecovered · 03-01-2012, 07:50 AM

so why are you even here then? do you just wish to tweak those who have experienced the pain of infidelity?

If your husband is so bad then why are you staying? Gee, do you think that he isn't as bad as you claim because in order to justify to yourself that an affair is okay you have to vilify the man you are destroying?

laur31 · 03-01-2012, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gratitude

You're story and attitude seems a little unbelievable.

Are you for real?

... are you for real?

laur31 · 03-01-2012, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Almostrecovered

so why are you even here then? do you just wish to tweak those who have experienced the pain of infidelity?

If your husband is so bad then why are you staying? Gee, do you think that he isn't as bad as you claim because in order to justify to yourself that an affair is okay you have to vilify the man you are destroying?

You may have read my post, but you most certainly havnt understood it.

What a load of waste of time this was. Bye

Almostrecovered · 03-01-2012, 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laur31

I used to respond to people exactly the same way.
Hope it doesnt happen to you, that youll ever end up cheating no matter what the reason.

no it probably won't happen to me because it's happened on the flip side to me twice by both my father and my wife- I don't have the desire to inflict one of the worst pains imaginable

btw- you are putting your daughter in danger, it is possible her medical family hsitory will come into play and she could get the wrong treatment or lack of treatment as a result.

Gratitude · 03-01-2012, 07:53 AM

I'm not sure you're story is true ... sorry if I'm wrong. Doesn't add up for me. You just seem to want to start arguments and defend. You don't actually want anything. Just looks like you're firing everyone up.