"I don't worry about you, I worry about everyone else..." is what she tells me. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-12-2009, 11:16 AM Thread Starter
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"I don't worry about you, I worry about everyone else..." is what she tells me.

I was just wondering what some of you think about this. My ex who I was really good friends with even after we broke up wrote me a email asking me how i'm doing, and telling me she is very happy and everything and I just replied everything is good and left it at that and never heard from her again. I stopped being friends with her after I got together with my current girlfriend because I realized it would just not work out being friends with her.

The morning I got the email from her, I told my current girlfriend that I got a email from her and explained to her exactly what it said and she said," Oh okay, cool." And never talked about it again, but 2 weeks later now and she texts me this morning saying," I have to say I haven't been sleeping very well, i've been thinking a lot about (the ex). Has she been talking to you?" I said, "No not at all. She only wrote me that email I told you about 2 weeks ago and never heard from her since. I told you about that email at the time so you would know (her ex always kept secrets from her and i'm the opposite; i'm open and honest about everything and have nothing to hide).

Then I said to her," If you trusted me, you would not have to worry about others. (My Ex) is very happy and and just wanted to see how I was doing and she does not want me back and I don't want her either. Then my girlfriend responds," I do trust you but if she's happy then shy is she writing you? I'm not mad or upset, I just wanted to let you know it was on my mind." (Which got me thinking that I told her a while ago, so it must have been on her mind for a while now and I ask her every once in a while, "What's on your mind?" and she would always say nothing._

But anyway, I told her that I don't have the answer as to why she messaged me if she's happy, but it's not something you need to worry about because I never think of her.

I know truthfully it isn't a big deal because she isn't mad or upset, but I just wanted to get some thoughts from the people here about this. I mean, I feel like I am with the girl I could marry and I just want to be 100% sure that it's the right move before I take the plunge.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-12-2009, 12:12 PM
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Re: "I don't worry about you, I worry about everyone else..." is what she tells me.

You are paying for her ex’s mistakes. She is not used to trusting her partner and wants/needs validation that all is OK. Keep out of all contact with your ex, it will just lead to problems. Assure your current girl friend that she is the only for you and that you ended with your ex for good reasons. She may take some in getting used to trust or openness in your relationship so don’t get defensive if she questions on occasion. If it persists there may be deeper issues.


Confidence Love Patience Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-12-2009, 12:17 PM
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Re: "I don't worry about you, I worry about everyone else..." is what she tells me.

Originally Posted by Amplexor View Post
If it persists there may be deeper issues.
The fact that she claims to be actually losing sleep over it is a red flag...

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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-12-2009, 12:25 PM
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Re: "I don't worry about you, I worry about everyone else..." is what she tells me.

i think although you were honest. ex's are the past and it should stay that way. i mean i get along with some of my ex boyfriends. but i only say hello if i ever see them. nothing more.
i dont go out of my way to find an ex. i dont do facebook for the same reason- to close for comfort.
but i do agree with your missus now, if your ex is content why is she mailing. its called foraging. finding out about you and your situation. she is testing the waters as to your situation.
i do believe she was and wil ask for more information on your life at another point.
your missus now does need some security, which you are providing with honesty. being insecure is normal within its boundaries.
you have a new life now and it doesnt involve your ex or any of her callings.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-13-2009, 05:37 AM
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Re: "I don't worry about you, I worry about everyone else..." is what she tells me.

Some people are naturally a bit more insecure and jealous than others. You once had an intimate relationship with your ex. That may threaten some people. Discuss it once and that's all you should need. Unless you've given you're current girlfriend a reason not to trust you. If she presses the issue there may be problems down the road.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-13-2009, 01:02 PM
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Re: "I don't worry about you, I worry about everyone else..." is what she tells me.

She needs reassurance...lots of it...in different ways!!! You shouldn't be offended by her lack of trust....she just doesn't know how to trust yet, but with reassurance, she will learn!!
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