i know he doesn't love me but he has asked me to marry him

Mark Val · 03-02-2012, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CLucas976

what you're failing to see, is that all of these "enslaveries" you're talking about CANNOT be fixed by her. Right now she's enabling him to stay the same way. She could stay with him forever and it makes what he's doing ok to him because there is no reprocussion for the behavior. Crying, tears, confessions of her feelings, she can do all that and he can shrug it off and continue or get worse.

he needs help, she needs help, there's a baby on the way. It's a very unhealthy situation for all 3 of them to be in whether there is pitty or understanding towards him or not. it's not about them anymore, its about what is best for that child, and growing up watching a relationship like that, in that kind of environment I can tell you from experience is NOT any way for a child to grow up.

---What you are failing to see is what I intent and point out..They need to repair it..either by themselves or by a counsellor if needed...that is obvious for it process...

Instead of trying to mend or repair , ALL of you are telling in your IMPULSIVE and PREJUDICED states to discard and ruin their relationship that can be Repaired...Cant you understand ,what you people are saying to Destroy their possible Deeper Relationship..?

Even infidels and multi-sex wives and hubbies are forgiven and reconciling, why cant there be a Try to even mend this relationship,which seems dear to the OP aswell..?whats wrong in giving it a Try..? Ponder.

Mark Val · 03-02-2012, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark Val

he has to have a stable job and balanced life with you for all dimensions...marry him , for you love him...but be sure to convince him diplomatically on the life issues, esp on commercial securities...for a happy life for both..and your products of love..viz the wee ones..to come.

For the OP and none else...!!

PBear · 03-02-2012, 11:00 AM

First off, stop getting pregnant till you're in a stable, preferably committed relationship. Second, if you're going to marry someone who doesn't love you, make sure you bookmark this site. Preferably the CWI forum. So when he does find someone he loves, you'll be able to recognize the red flags of infidelity.

C
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lovehimsomuch · 03-02-2012, 01:45 PM

Thank you all so much for your advice and comments i really appreciate it because i couldn't talk to my family or friends about this. It is so embarrassing for me. I know that this is not the kind of life that i want for me or my child.

Update: He has texted me his menu for dinner (as always) and i told him that we need to talk. I am not planning on ending our relationship today because i really want to give it a chance, on the off chance that this change is real but i am going to tell him that i can't marry him, not just yet. If he is sincere about this change after some time, i would love more than anything to be his wife because i love him so very much. I will tell him about how he has treated me in the past and how i am not sure that he will not go back to treating me badly again.

I know that i will not be able to say all of this to him when we're face to face so i have written it all down in a letter. I am going to prepare the dinner that he asked me to and i'm preparing his favourite dessert and i've gotten his favourite wine and after dinner i am going to hand him the letter.

I am literally shaking as i think about confronting him this evening and i am praying for courage to do it. He hates it when i tell him no. I mean i am not breaking up with him i'm just postponing the marriage. God help me. I hope he understands.

Jellybeans · 03-02-2012, 01:47 PM

Why would you marry someone who doesn't love you?

HazelGrove · 03-02-2012, 08:04 PM

To Jellybeans' question, I'd like to add this one: what is it you love about him?

I hope the conversation goes well for you, btw. Every step you take towards preserving yourself and your baby is a good step.

SadieBrown · 03-02-2012, 08:15 PM

Why would you even consider marrying someone who you think doesn't love you and who has treated you like this? I say run for the hills.

Accipiter777 · 03-02-2012, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark Val

he has to have a stable job and balanced life with you for all dimensions...marry him , for you love him...but be sure to convince him diplomatically on the life issues, esp on commercial securities...for a happy life for both..and your products of love..viz the wee ones..to come.

For the OP and none else...!!

If you wanted just the OP to see it, PRIVATE MESSAGE IT. You cant expect to post something in a forum and not have people respond.

Mark Val · 03-03-2012, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Accipiter777

If you wanted just the OP to see it, PRIVATE MESSAGE IT. You cant expect to post something in a forum and not have people respond.

if they want to respond,then have some understanding before they ever do..and as for the message ,private or public , it is for the OP..period.

Mark Val · 03-03-2012, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovehimsomuch

Thank you all so much for your advice and comments i really appreciate it because i couldn't talk to my family or friends about this. It is so embarrassing for me. I know that this is not the kind of life that i want for me or my child.

Update: He has texted me his menu for dinner (as always) and i told him that we need to talk. I am not planning on ending our relationship today because i really want to give it a chance, on the off chance that this change is real but i am going to tell him that i can't marry him, not just yet. If he is sincere about this change after some time, i would love more than anything to be his wife because i love him so very much. I will tell him about how he has treated me in the past and how i am not sure that he will not go back to treating me badly again.

I know that i will not be able to say all of this to him when we're face to face so i have written it all down in a letter. I am going to prepare the dinner that he asked me to and i'm preparing his favourite dessert and i've gotten his favourite wine and after dinner i am going to hand him the letter.

I am literally shaking as i think about confronting him this evening and i am praying for courage to do it. He hates it when i tell him no. I mean i am not breaking up with him i'm just postponing the marriage. God help me. I hope he understands.

Are you alive after the dinner and letter ..??

lovehimsomuch · 03-04-2012, 07:17 PM

I am alive. I realize now that he is not the same person that i fell in love with. This person he is now is a total monster! He desperately needs help but i can not fix him. I have to save myself and my unborn child.

What you guys are doing on this site is a blessing! You're there for total strangers who sometimes really don't have anybody else. May God bless all of you.

HazelGrove · 03-04-2012, 07:31 PM

You are a brave and strong woman. A powerful decision you are taking! Your child will have a wonderful mother, and one day, you will meet a man who is worthy of you, and of being your child's father.

Lydia · 03-04-2012, 07:33 PM

If there are any doubts in your mind - dont do it.

You deserve to be loved and cherished, and he just sounds like he's not the right fit. Giving in to him and allowing him to treat you this way (manipulating) is not only going to affect you and make you feel bad about yourself, but it's also going to teach your child things you may not want them to believe.

I would leave now, if it were me. The honeymoon phase of the relationship is long over and he's showing you his true self. People do not change, deep down inside. He is a moocher and just using you.

Texting you his menu? WTF? seriously?
Before you kick his butt out of the door, I'd text him MY menu and tell him to cook me and his unborn child a dinner once in a while.

He sounds like a selfish jerk, from what you have described, and I really hope for the best for you. You deserve the best, and someone who will treat you right. Stop focusing all of this love on HIM and start loving yourself. Then you will find someone truly deserving of your love and time.

If you have a daughter, you wouldn't want her to be treated this way would you?

memyselfandi · 03-04-2012, 11:47 PM

It's called the "honeymoon period" where you've been apart for awhile..you gave him everything he wanted whenever he wanted it.

If I were you, before I married him, I'd make him work for you. Tell him you're not sure..that maybe you two need a dating period where you can see other people to make sure that you two are right for each other.

I know that you love him lots, but he hasn't exactly proven HIS love for YOU. Take some time for yourself so that you don't lose yourself in loving him. If he loves you enough..he'll wait.