I'm new to this forum, so I hope this is in the right place.
I am really frustrated at the moment. I love my boyfriend so so much and have been with him for four years this year and have lived together for two years on 28th Feb.
We both turn 29 this year and have known each other since we were 16 years old. Ever since we were 16 we have wanted to get together but didn't; we were good friends that turned into best friends so we watched each other date other partners, both long and short term, and we supported each other through everything, knowing deep down that we wanted each other. Anyway, after all those years of being best friends we got together in 2005 and it's the best relationship I've been in (he says the same).
We have a lovely house, we're not in financial dire straits, we're both happy in our careers and I feel ready (both in a romantic and practical way) to take things to the next level. I have asked him before about marriage and the best I got out of him was "yes, one day" ... however we're still not engaged and I don't want to ask him about it anymore as the last time I did he said I shouldn't pressure him and that he'll ask when he's ready. Fair enough I guess, but this is tearing me up inside. I realise that marriage isn't the be all and end all for a relationship but it's important to me, and he said that he wants to one day as well ... I'm just wondering if I'm doing anything wrong. For some reason I honestly thought he was going to propose last night (no idea why) over dinner but I must've read his behaviour incorrectly as I'm not engaged and I spent half an hour crying my eyes out before bed. I didn't let him see that because I didn't want him to know I was crying about 'that'.
What's not making it any easier is that I seem to be surrounded by engagements and weddings at the moment. One of my dear friends is proposing to his girlfriend this weekend (in fact he's probably already done it), another friend announced their engagement on Friday and I've been invited to four weddings this year (three friends, one family). Everyone keeps asking me when it's going to be my turn and I wish I knew.
I don't know why I'm getting so upset; I know I'm lucky to have someone that loves me but it just feels like he wants to bumble along for eternity - in ten years when my friends are all married with kids I feel like I'm going to be in exactly the same place. But hey, as long as I don't pressure him it doesn't matter what I feel - that's what I find so annoying! I can't talk to him about marriage because he doesn't want to be nagged, yet it's ok for me to feel torn up inside, as long as he's not being bothered? What's fair about that?
So sorry about the long post, it's been bothering me for a long long time and I don't know who to talk to. My close friends are either single or engaged so I can't talk to the single ones because I get "at least you have someone" and I can't talk to engaged ones because I'm just so jealous and all they say is "be patient, it'll happen", which doesn't help with how I'm feeling now.