tiredofbeingliedto

I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now, We have been living together for two. We have had a pretty solid relationship up until this point.

Recently, She has been snapping at any little thing and will constantly "call me out" on all my flaws. This confuses me quite a bit, Especially when i am nothing like what she calls me out on. For example - she will check my facebook, email, and phone messages over two dozen times a day but she claims i am obsessive and controlling.

To be honest, I love this girl and i wanted to ask her to marry me this year but now i dont. She is nothing like the amazing girl she use to be and it hurts and scares me. Does anyone know why she is acting like this? My sister thought she might be pregnant but we have never been intimate, something my sister never knew btw. My girlfriend comes from a christian family so while we may have oral sex and other similar things, she wants to remain a virgin until she (we, hopefully) are married.

My sister also said she could be bipolar, Which could be true but i am not 100% sure. To be honest, I think its some sort of personal reflecting sort of thing. She knows that she has flaws and by projecting her flaws onto me, Its sort of a way of addressing them without actually having to address them. IDK what do you think?

River1977

IDK either because you didn't exactly satisfy your own claim. You say you are nothing like what she says and showed us how SHE is what she says you are, but you didn't show us that YOU are not what she says you are. What are you doing for her to say these things to you? Being obsessive and controlling, too?

At any rate, you would be crazy to marry this girl. Crazy as she is and crazy as she says you are.

Gratitude

No one can (or shouldn't) possibly diagnose bipolar or know what's going on just from what you posted above, maybe you could give some more information? When do you feel things changed, around what time? Was there something that happened at that time in either of your lives?
What things does she call you out on exactly?

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FreedomCorp

Hello,

Because the information in your post is scant we can only make a guess based on probabilities.

Her behavior looks like a woman who on the one hand is coming down from the hormonal rush of falling in love and on the other hand has had her emotional needs not met for a sustained period of time.

I suggest you look at how you have been handling situations where she expresses negative emotions with you. This is one of the most common challenges in relationships.

If when she comes to you and apparently complains or discusses problems, you instinctively try to offer advice or explain to her why she should not feel bad or defend yourself cause you feel blamed those answers lead her to feel invalidated. She was looking for understanding, empathy and support and not advice.

This may or may not be the case with you even though it's common.

If that is the case a woman will naturally over time have more and more negative feelings and project them on you. What you are likely witnessing is the lack of support overflowing and lashing out at you. Can be very surprising as often men have no idea how to offer support and that they where not doing it. They usually think they do.

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Regards, Alex.

tiredofbeingliedto

I didnt post about being obsessive and controlling because i felt that i wasnt. My girlfriend and i call/text each other through out the day ,either she will do it or i will, and when we get home from work we always talk about how our day went and so on so forth, we are very open with each other. I respect her privacy with things like facebook, emails, and phone calls/text while she will search through mine constantly. I have never tried to control her in any way because that's not who i am. Hope thats enough info for you. I have never done anything to her, I have always tried to be the best boyfriend i can be. I honestly cant say the same for her.

As for why she changed all the sudden, I dont know. There has been no sort of major event or anything that happend. She has always been this way but it was never this major. I mean she would occassional check out my things but never as much as she does now. Things like that really.

A majority of problems that we face ,i would say about 85%, we talk about and discuss how we can solve this problem. Communication is our strong point i would say although i am starting to doubt that a bit now. The rest we would sometimes pass off saying that it wasnt our fault ,when it wasnt. Most of the time we just vent our problems and it makes us feel a lot better once we get all of our anger out.

She is confusing the heck out of me. I am going to sit her down and talk about it later today. I will post then.

HazelGrove

Personally, this would be the end of the relationship for me if my husband were to search through my stuff like that all the time. I am very open with him and I'd feel controlled and spied on. A relationship is not a spy ring.

BUT you say she wasn't always like this, so that's what has to be looked at. Have you tried asking her and discussing this problem? This sounds partly like she has developed a huge insecurity, and partly like bad communication between you two. As for her opinion of you - what examples does she give? Has something happened between you that has made her feel disempowered? This is usually a reason why a woman will try and control her partner.

Mavash.

Something has caused her to change so whatever you do don't marry her till you figure out what.

Would she consider couples counseling?