totlyconf

Hello all,

This is my first post about anything personal and I looking for a bit of perspective here.

I have been married for five years and this last year has been difficult as my wife has suffered some life changing illnesses which masked our true relationship troubles. About two months ago I get an email stating that she can not live like we have been and she is going to take the kids to her parents and when I started asking questions she pointed out some of the issues I have struggled with for the last few years. Well, this was a wake-up call for me since I wasn't truly aware of her unsettling unhappiness in the relationship so, I immediately started working on these things. During this time she has moved to her parents (because she cannot afford an apartment at this time) and cannot seem to return any emotional gestures or reassure me that she still loves me. She says she doesn't know what she feels and hasn't been able figure out if she can continue in this marriage all the while I am home alone working on me and my stuff.

There are some details that I left out but that pretty much sums it up so, my question(s) is:

Is this relationship over?

How can I keep myself from resenting her actions?

Should I end it or give her a time line?

Thank you

EleGirl

Does your wife work outside of the home? Are you supporting her and giving her money for the kids?

How often are you seeing your children?

How often are you in contact with your wife?

Since you do not share what her complaints about you were it's hard to give advice.

It's hard to know right now if the relationship is over. Have you tried things like taking her on a date? If so will she go?

__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

totlyconf

Sorry for not posting too much details.

Yes she does work outside of the house and she has really come into her own in terms of self-confidence in her abilities.

She has not asked for any financial assistance, but I did offer to help if she needed anything. Since she has not came up with a decision regarding our status yet no support has been discussed.

So far, I see my kids every other week and because if spring break I get them for nine days.

I try to limit my communications with her in fear that it is pushing her away as she is unable to "clear" her head. some times it is every other day to say good night to the kids.

Her complaints about me:
1. My spending habits. (I was not very accountable during this time and didn't know or understand our financial position)
2. Mood swings (Depression and irritability)
3. Unfinished projects around the house
4. Hobby hopping. I would go all in on a whim and give it up about six months later

All of these issues I have been working on and have made great strides towards resolving, but she still doesn't know or trust me.

She doesn't want to go on a date and I have mentioned meeting once a week for dinner to discuss what things each of us are doing.

I make comments like:
Me- "I miss you and the kids"
her reply "I know"

Me- "i value this relationship and am willing to what ever it takes to make it work"
her reply "okay"

Me - "I love you ...."
her reply ""

lovinmyhubby223

Are these "true relationship troubles" different from her complaints about you? If they are then maybe those troubles should also be addressed.

Is she willing to give you the opportunity to show her the progress that you've made toward resolving the issues that she specifically mentioned? If she's not then my guess is that those aren't her real reasons for leaving.

Have you mentioned counseling?

sinnister

1 and 2 are valid concerns

3 and 4 or not.

I am sorry you are going through this. A similar thing happened to me a few months ago and I felt like my world was ending. She came back the next day thankfully but after our chat I told her as much as leaving hurt me..she can never, EVER take my kids like that again. If she wants to leave than go...but those kids are mine.

You shouldn't have to see your kids every other week because of her choice. You are every bit of a parent as she is.