Re: Wtf? My wife does not love me anymore
what is the 180?
why do you have to leave the house? I am in the same situation as you, except its my husband feeling this way. Then it hit me on the head so hard this weekend, why should i leave? He's the one that's not happy, so i decided to stay. When i told him this, he gave a tiny smile, as if admiring my confidence in myself. I was going to leave bc i was the one willing to try to make things work. Thought he would miss me if i left, but that's a game im not willing to play. I have swallowed my pride and started to be the wife i use to be.
Its great that your wife is willing to go to counseling, my husband won't go. Its okay, i've got to go for me. I'm realizing that i was too emotionally strained in handling my own grief of losing my best friend and my dad in one year (as you had focused on taking care of your health) that i didn't let my husband in. He probably felt that i didnt need him. So how do i save my marriage? become the person i use to be..take it real slow. Last night i shared that i should help out with the bills more. Because as i was trying to figure out how much it would cost me to get another place, i started to work the numbers and realized that my husband took care of all the bills. Out of nowhere, i said, "thank you for taking good care of me" then i waved my hand and said "goodbye" and walked out of the room, since i wanted to give him space. I got a little tiny smile again.
My counselor suggested to give him his space. did i listen? NO! don't push myself on him by doing 'nicey nice' things that i never use to do.For two weeks, i stayed home on the weekends, cleaned the house, cooked meals, initiated sex , etc. It worked a bit, but he and I knew i was trying too hard. Think he knew i was doing these things only to win him back. That is... i was doing these things 'conditionally'.
So i realized that i need to do things for him 'unconditionally' as God does for me. Do things for her like you would for your child, unconditionally. I'm trying to do treat him like i do my children.
Give him the space while still living together. Don't spy on him. Be confident in you. Don't rely on him for my own happiness. its ok to cry, but do it alone, not in front of her. It would make them feel guilty ,and even more burdened.
I am reading a wonderful book, called The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. Its helped me find my own love language and what I need. A real good book.
Good luck to you, your marriage can be saved, always have hope, and don't get discouraged when others say she is cheating, or it won't work out.