General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Nope, that was the only time he ever did....he doesn't believe in divorce, so I was surprised when he said that, but I didn't disagree with him that that might be the only solution...
He's treating you like a live-in babysitter. I wouldn't stand for that.
Marriage and raising kids is a two person thing (when married). That means staying home. What does he do when he goes out that he can't do at home? See his guy friends? ok...so what is soooo special abotu them that he has to see them both nights and every weekend of the month? This isn't high school.
Babysitters being too expensive? Going out with friends once or twice a week is very expensive. Maybe you should get a baby sitter and go out and see what he’s up to.
The two of you should be going out on a date night once a week.
There is something really wrong with what he’s doing.
Big red flag to me. I don't see any reason to be out until 3 am 1-2 nights every weekend at a bar where you don't know who else is there. Nothing good can happen from that. I would have issues if my wife did that, and she sure as h311 would have issues if I did it, and rightly so.
If he refuses to stop when you discuss it with him, then the next time he mentions it, tell him he can't because you have plans both nights that weekend. Make him stay in, and you go out, even if it is to read a good book at a coffee shop. I don't see any reason why you need to enable that behavior.
I agree, I almost had planned on going and sitting at my brother's house on Saturday night just so he wouldn't be able to go out, but I feel bad leaving my kids just to do that. My kids, especially the 4-year-old, get upset when we leave...which sometimes when we go out together it's "too bad, so sad" me and daddy need us time haha but when he's going out every weekend and my son is crying because daddy's leaving all the time, that's sad!! I mean they have to get over it once in a while so we can go out, whether together or alone, but I don't blame my son, daddy's gone at night every freakin weekend, and if daddy's not gone it's because mommy is...like I seriously feel bad about that, that's why I'm the one that stays home the most....
For a few weeks why don't you take him up on going out for both Friday & Saturday night and leave him to babysit. Make sure you dress to kill, show cleavage, etc. Then when he complains that it's too much you will have his own words to make your point.
Nope, that was the only time he ever did....he doesn't believe in divorce, so I was surprised when he said that, but I didn't disagree with him that that might be the only solution...
He's treating you like a live-in babysitter. I wouldn't stand for that.
Marriage and raising kids is a two person thing (when married). That means staying home. What does he do when he goes out that he can't do at home? See his guy friends? ok...so what is soooo special abotu them that he has to see them both nights and every weekend of the month? This isn't high school.
Dead on......I seriously think that he has a complex because he was popular in high school and he needs that positive reinforcement from other people that he is still somebody or something like that....I wasn't popular in school lol so I don't feel the need to have people constantly falling all over themselves around me, telling me how spectacular I am
I agree, I almost had planned on going and sitting at my brother's house on Saturday night just so he wouldn't be able to go out, but I feel bad leaving my kids just to do that. My kids, especially the 4-year-old, get upset when we leave...which sometimes when we go out together it's "too bad, so sad" me and daddy need us time haha but when he's going out every weekend and my son is crying because daddy's leaving all the time, that's sad!! I mean they have to get over it once in a while so we can go out, whether together or alone, but I don't blame my son, daddy's gone at night every freakin weekend, and if daddy's not gone it's because mommy is...like I seriously feel bad about that, that's why I'm the one that stays home the most....
Don't give in to the kids when they whine about it. My kids whine too. But adults go out sometimes. that's just life.
Go when they are in bed. We go out when our 3 year old goes to sleep. Our 12 year old is home and ok. We go not to far from home and we're home by 11. But if dad is home, just go out.
My H and I hardly ever go out without each other, maybe once every few months. We have more fun when we are together. This might or might not be the norm, but I would be concerned that he doesn't WANT to sit home and spend time with you at least some of the time. Seems he wants to relive his youth. Is he going through a MLC?
I would be livid if my H was constantly bar hopping till 3AM without me. Not okay and not appropriate. He is married. Maybe you should drop the D word. If he wants to be single, let him. He sure won't be able to afford all those drinks after alimony and child support.
When I told his sister what he had said, she's like tell him a babysitter is cheaper than a divorce
H had an EA with some random chick on the internet/over the phone for a couple months a couple years ago, I found the chats in the trash in an email account I didn't know he had, but it was after they were done talking. Since then there have been major trust issues with me and he said that it was understandable for a while, but he isn't going to live like this, and I'm ruining ours and our kids' lives.....after he said that is when he dropped the D-bomb
So he COULD be meeting someone when out. Seriously...he could be.
Are his friends married? Partnered? If so, you know THEY aren't out every night on the weekends.
He gives you the idea that he'd let you go out just because he knows you won't. This makes you think nothing is going on, but in reality, there could be.
People who were caught in an affair, if they are sorry about it, DO NOT pull this crap. Obviuosly, he doesn't care.
So he COULD be meeting someone when out. Seriously...he could be.
Are his friends married? Partnered? If so, you know THEY aren't out every night on the weekends.
He gives you the idea that he'd let you go out just because he knows you won't. This makes you think nothing is going on, but in reality, there could be.
People who were caught in an affair, if they are sorry about it, DO NOT pull this crap. Obviuosly, he doesn't care.
You get no argument from me, I know he doesn't care, he told me straight up what he did was for entertainment so I shouldn't be so upset about it...........had to add that because every time I read that it's so ridiculous it makes me laugh lol
It sounds like he is trying to recapture his younger days when he had no responsibilities. It's like he is regressing rather than growing into a man with a wife and kids. Perhaps he can't handle the stress of being a husband and father. I am sure that happens to everyone at one time or another, it's natural, but he's gotta snap out of it and take care of your family.
Him leaving you behind to attend to everything while he escapes is not fair. You need to escape sometimes too. His behavior must make you feel like a babysitter and the longer it goes on, the more resentful and angry you will become. And if you tell him how you feel and he dismisses your feelings (like a teenager would), you may need to rethink things.
It's time your husband puts on his big boy pants, grows up, and becomes a true, hands on husband and father.
If he feels the need to escape so badly, maybe he isn't cut out to be a good husband and father. Don't take his behavior personally, even though you are left holding all the ball. He sounds like a coward who doesn't want to deal with real life. This isn't 1950, husbands should be active in the rearing of their children. He also needs to realize he is in a marriage, he is one half of a whole. His role is very important in your family. He can run, but he can't hide. I just hope he wakes up before you get so fed up, that he comes home to his clothing scattered all over the lawn and you have called a lawyer. You shouldn't have to put up with this. This does not sound like a marriage. He is being insensitive and mean, and he knows it. But he chooses to ignore your feelings and do what he wants anyway. Don't let him get away with this because it will only get worse.
My prayers are with you and I hope he wises up before the loses his family.
You get no argument from me, I know he doesn't care, he told me straight up what he did was for entertainment so I shouldn't be so upset about it...........had to add that because every time I read that it's so ridiculous it makes me laugh lol
wow. sometimes I wonder what they are thinking, really. My husband says some stupid sh!t too. Like"he knew I'd be jealous of her b/c she is young, thin and powerful"....yep, thats what he said. So ya know I think sometimes they just have an inability to think when they are in the thick of an EA. I mean she is only a few yrs younger than me, I wear a size 5 and I think he has learned ALL about my power here recently! Stand up for yourself GReeneyes. You can do it.
I can see going out to bars once in a while with the guys. Doing it all the time and/or staying out so late should not be tolerated by married people unless it is mutually something that is deemed to be exceptible. Personally, I too like the attention from others in these types of settings. I like to people watch and flirt. Even if he and his friends are behaving I think clubs, bars are things to do as couples or rarely.
I am not sure if i would play games like going out dolled up etc. You don't want the freedom to go out..you want to spend time together as a couple. This strategy could backfire
You need to spend time together as a couple and work on your relationship. I should also point out that your H is acting like a child and you need to stand up to his silly, and inappropriate behavior. It is important that you don't insinuate that you can't trust him or whatever. There is nothing wrong with expecting your husband to spend 95% of his weekend nights with you.
You should also try your best to find try and reconnect. Try to remember what you did before kids that he enjoyed. It sounds like things need work between you both. Regardless, i would not tollerate him acting like a single guy without kids. If you can't afford a sitter maybe he could divert his energy towards a new career, second job, hobbie that could make him money, home repairs...rather than hangin' with his friends.
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Re: Am I Being Ridiculous???? 
