General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
For the past month or so, maybe longer, every single weekend my H goes out to the bars. Sometimes Friday and Saturday. Of course he tells me if I have plans to go out that's fine and he'll stay home with the kids, but he says there's no sense in us both sitting at home Last I remembered we were married with kids and that's kinda what happens...right?
I am so not against him going out maybe even every other weekend or so one night with his friends, but every weekend sometimes twice seems a bit excessive to me. When me and my friends go out we go out to dinner, maybe go sit at a hole in the wall bar and talk and laugh at people and then go home around 12 or so, the H is out at bars til 3 in the morning not a fan of that either.....
His reasoning is that babysitters are too expensive to get all the time so we can go out together, and once the oldest is old enough to watch the other and herself, we can go out all the time together, and also that we need to learn how to have fun without the other, I already know how to have fun without my H lol and I know he has more fun without me, so LAME excuse
So if I decide to finally say something about it, because honestly if I wanted to be alone on the weekends all the time, I would rather be single, am I justified in saying something, or is this normal???? My parents never went out without each other so idk what's a normal amount and what's excessive......
I know that when my husband doesn't feel like explaining himself, he gives some brief, knock-off answer that really isn't the truth. Babysitters being too expensive? If he REALLY wanted to go out with you, he really wouldn't care about that- I mean, going out drinking twice in one weekend would probably pay for a sitter one night- there is something else, not the money spent on the sitter- good luck getting him to open up to you!!! That's the important thing.
No, it is not normal. And Yes, you are justified in saying so. He needs to be a LOT less selfish. Most selfish people do not view themselves as selfish. So if you say it to him, he will deny it. But he is definitely being selfish in this regard.
Seems a bit "off" to say the reason you both cant go is b/c of the money and then for him to spend both nights in the bar. That's expensive and for what that costs both of you could go and pay the babysitter once.
Why can't he have people over? Hubs will do that often. Better to drink at home anyway. cheaper.
But 2 nights on every weekend? Wtf. Is he single? lol.
Sure nothing else is going on?
Our house is pretty small and I get not wanting to have people over, because I usually don't like having people over either, our house is too chaotic lol
Yeah 1 sometimes 2 nights every weekend. The only reason I don't think anything is going on is because if 2 days every weekend I said that I had plans and I'm going out he would be fine with it and he would stay home....his logic is both of us shouldn't have to sit home and he encourages me to go out...which I go out enough....
That's exactly what I was going to say to him if I brought it up, like he wants to be single on the weekends and if that's the case he can be single all the time!! I always thought when you were in a relationship with someone it's because, oh I don't know, you like spending time with them LOL or I could be wrong
Seems a bit "off" to say the reason you both cant go is b/c of the money and then for him to spend both nights in the bar. That's expensive and for what that costs both of you could go and pay the babysitter once.
I know that's my feeling....like what you spend in alcohol in those 2 days we could have just had someone babysit....when we go out I drink a beer, which is cheap, and if I have any shots or anything other people have bought them for me, so my H literally spends next to nothing for me when we go out...
Yea, our weekends don't really mean going out (we have no money for it) but...when we do go out, it's together.
What's wrong with sitting in the home you've created together and hanging out together at home?
I'd be offended if Hubs did this. Well, he did do it...right before he left.
I am offended, it's likes seriously if being out with other people all the time is what makes you happy, then by all means do it, but that's not what I want, and if it continues that way don't be mad/shocked if I'm not there anymore.....this isn't what I "signed up for" when I got married....
Can you refresh our memories with what's been going on with you two lately (nutshell)?
I don't like the bar thing...
Lately? It's been on and off good, we went through that period about a month or so ago where he dropped the big D word because things were going so poorly, but we seemed to have made a comeback from it as usual and things were going pretty good, not spectacular, but good....
Lately? It's been on and off good, we went through that period about a month or so ago where he dropped the big D word because things were going so poorly, but we seemed to have made a comeback from it as usual and things were going pretty good, not spectacular, but good....
For the past month or so, maybe longer, every single weekend my H goes out to the bars. Sometimes Friday and Saturday. Of course he tells me if I have plans to go out that's fine and he'll stay home with the kids, but he says there's no sense in us both sitting at home Last I remembered we were married with kids and that's kinda what happens...right?
I am so not against him going out maybe even every other weekend or so one night with his friends, but every weekend sometimes twice seems a bit excessive to me. When me and my friends go out we go out to dinner, maybe go sit at a hole in the wall bar and talk and laugh at people and then go home around 12 or so, the H is out at bars til 3 in the morning not a fan of that either.....
His reasoning is that babysitters are too expensive to get all the time so we can go out together, and once the oldest is old enough to watch the other and herself, we can go out all the time together, and also that we need to learn how to have fun without the other, I already know how to have fun without my H lol and I know he has more fun without me, so LAME excuse
So if I decide to finally say something about it, because honestly if I wanted to be alone on the weekends all the time, I would rather be single, am I justified in saying something, or is this normal???? My parents never went out without each other so idk what's a normal amount and what's excessive......
Big red flag to me. I don't see any reason to be out until 3 am 1-2 nights every weekend at a bar where you don't know who else is there. Nothing good can happen from that. I would have issues if my wife did that, and she sure as h311 would have issues if I did it, and rightly so.
If he refuses to stop when you discuss it with him, then the next time he mentions it, tell him he can't because you have plans both nights that weekend. Make him stay in, and you go out, even if it is to read a good book at a coffee shop. I don't see any reason why you need to enable that behavior.
29Likes
Am I Being Ridiculous???? 
Last I remembered we were married with kids and that's kinda what happens...right? 
not a fan of that either.....
