General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
You seem to miss the point I was getting at. That was why not stay with the one you have. You will only get another one with it unless you dont mind infecting someone else. She has fooled you I agree very badly, I would have divorced on my wedding night, I am sure you realised then the possibility, but you now have a child, its just not so simple anymore.
You seem to miss the point I was getting at. That was why not stay with the one you have. You will only get another one with it unless you dont mind infecting someone else. She has fooled you I agree very badly, I would have divorced on my wedding night, I am sure you realised then the possibility, but you now have a child, its just not so simple anymore.
no way every man is going divorce his wife if he doesn't see blood on the wedding nite, it is not scientific. She actually pointed out some blood when we had sex the first time and told me she's a virgin.
About 10 months ago, my wife went to see her doc because she's got acnes in her private area. We thought it was shingle or maybe just acnes, but then I found out it was actually herpies type I. I was devastated, because I knew it must be caused by sex or oral sex. And she admitted that she had sex with 3 different guys before me after I found out the result and confronted her repeatedly. When we were dating, I asked her if she's a virgin repeatedly, she always said yes, she even lied to me in the pre-marital counseling class held by our church pastor before we got married. We have a young kid and he's 20 months old. I regret this marriage so much, I even regret knowing her as a person ruining my life. I so much want a divorce but I know God hates divorce, and my child might suffer if we end up with divorce. It has been 10 months, and I still feel being cheated and so regretful. And blame her on ruining my life. I could have a better life, and it's so hard for me to trust her, I feel like a paranoid almost everyday thinking if she still hides stuff from me like she used to. She's the only person whom I have dated with before marriage.
Having read your other posts, I want to go back to a couple of these statements:
Why do you regret knowing her as a person? Why do you think you could have had a better life without her? Has she, and your marriage been that bad? I am not judging, just trying to get a better understanding of your feelings.
I also am not trying to minimize your feelings. She lied to you, gave you a disease, and now you are likely wondering what other lies she told you. I know I would be wondering what parts of my marriage are true. Has she told you why she lied?
Do you still love her? Do you want to find to a way to forgive her and give her a chance to earn back your trust?
I ask because while herpes can lie dormant (like in you) it has a good chance of surfacing during times of stress- like childbirth
it would be unusual for it to not surface then so I would be wary of her having an affair recently, not to make you paranoid, but you should do some investigating into her activities (especially since she has lied) and consult a physician about this as I am no expert on Herpes
About 10 months ago, my wife went to see her doc because she's got acnes in her private area. We thought it was shingle or maybe just acnes, but then I found out it was actually herpies type I. I was devastated, because I knew it must be caused by sex or oral sex. And she admitted that she had sex with 3 different guys before me after I found out the result and confronted her repeatedly. When we were dating, I asked her if she's a virgin repeatedly, she always said yes, she even lied to me in the pre-marital counseling class held by our church pastor before we got married. We have a young kid and he's 20 months old. I regret this marriage so much, I even regret knowing her as a person ruining my life. I so much want a divorce but I know God hates divorce, and my child might suffer if we end up with divorce. It has been 10 months, and I still feel being cheated and so regretful. And blame her on ruining my life. I could have a better life, and it's so hard for me to trust her, I feel like a paranoid almost everyday thinking if she still hides stuff from me like she used to. She's the only person whom I have dated with before marriage.
Ummm... Am I the only one here who sees a problem with this timeline? They have been married for 2 years, have a child together, and she's just NOW coming up with herpes sores...? And she supposedly hooked up with some guys before marriage and caught herpes?
I think she's had an affair.
Get the kid tested... because wouldn't the kid have it as well? And they tested me for all kinds of STDs when I got pregnant.. even though I'm married. Because they wouldn't want to vaginally deliver a baby to a mother who had herpes...
First off, Herpes Simplex Type 1 (aka HSA) is not an STD, technically. It's Type 2 that is (HSB). Type 2 causes genital sores however, both types can have outbreaks anywhere on the body.
As in, mucus membranes (mouth, eyes, nose, skin, genitals). It can lay dormant in some people their entire lives. For others, like me (HSA, cold sores) it crops up during stressful moments, hormonal changes and eating certain foods that trigger it or being in certain types of environments and weather that can trigger it (wind burn for example while skiing).
Though they only class HSB as an STD technically people can spread both during sexual contact, even just kissing or sharing the same chapstick during an outbreak or using the same utensils or drinking from the same cup (during an active outbreak).
What would concern me more is her ability to lie to you so willingly and easily.
'head. Do you think you are the first guy who was ever lied to in regards to the"virginity bugaboo"? Women do this because guys think it's important. Guys think it's important because of the fear of being compared to any previous guy to enjoy her companionship.
What you need to be concerned about is how she is living her life NOW that she and you are married.
Ummm... Am I the only one here who sees a problem with this timeline? They have been married for 2 years, have a child together, and she's just NOW coming up with herpes sores...? And she supposedly hooked up with some guys before marriage and caught herpes?
I think she's had an affair.
Get the kid tested... because wouldn't the kid have it as well? And they tested me for all kinds of STDs when I got pregnant.. even though I'm married. Because they wouldn't want to vaginally deliver a baby to a mother who had herpes...
Herpes can lie dormant for years before it surfaces. It can never surface but you can stilll be a carrier.
bighead - I think it's awful she lied to you about such a big thing - Some men really want their wives to be virgins before they are married to them. With that being said, you married her because you love her, not because she was a virgin, I hope. If you do truly love her, you are committed through marriage to take every neccessary step to try and save your marriage.
Ummm... Am I the only one here who sees a problem with this timeline? They have been married for 2 years, have a child together, and she's just NOW coming up with herpes sores...? And she supposedly hooked up with some guys before marriage and caught herpes?
I think she's had an affair.
Get the kid tested... because wouldn't the kid have it as well? And they tested me for all kinds of STDs when I got pregnant.. even though I'm married. Because they wouldn't want to vaginally deliver a baby to a mother who had herpes...
Well, the other option is her husband gave her the virus if he was a carrier and didn't know because he never had an outbreak.
If he never had any sexual activity before marriage, that's not likely, of course. But he never said he was a virgin before marriage, or had no sexual/genital contact with women, so it's unknown.
My husband and I did not disclose or ask of previous relationships.
What's in the past stays there. Having herpes is not good. However, unless you yourself was a virgin, you'll never know who gave it to who. It could happen from oral as well.
Why ask that question unless your a virgin prior. You can not get angry if you had previous relationships. Most people are not virgins when they marry. It's just the way the world works.
Also, herpes can fester up years after contact. I doubt she had an affair.
Herpes can lie dormant for years before it surfaces. It can never surface but you can stilll be a carrier.
1 in 2 people are carriers for HSA or herpes simplex a. That is canker sores and cold sores. HSA can crop up ANYWHERE on the body however it usually becomes an active outbreak where the infection was acquired (kiss from a relative with an active outbreak).
The definition of an active outbreak is an open, weeping sore btw.
1 in 2 is 50% of our global population also. Most are inactive, symptom free carriers.
Whoa whoa whoa, Buckies...who gave it to who is right. While unpleasant it's hardly a death sentence. Same thing as coldsores, except it's not on the mouth.
I think a bunch of you missed the part where he said its Herpes simplex 1.... That is cold sores/canker sores. They can form on any part of the body. He didn't say HS2/HSB which is genital herpes.
I don't see why they would test for HS1/HSA if she was pregnant.
She can have gotten it from a family member at any time during her life and still have been a virgin at marriage. She could have gotten it from her husband as well. He also never stated if he had previous relations.
Cantepe posted the statics regarding how many people who have Herpes simplex 1.
If this is about lying then what other proof do we have that she lied about being a virgin?
7Likes
Re: A fake virgin with real herpies 
I could have a better life, and it's so hard for me to trust her, I feel like a paranoid almost everyday thinking if she still hides stuff from me like she used to. She's the only person whom I have dated with before marriage.
