General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Since you say he has light switch on and off type moods, he likely is either bipolar or has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) The sad thing is unless he is seen by a doc and they can help treat him, then you need to expect your life to be like this with him. Its not a good healthy way to live.
Moody for him is anywhere from being happy and talkative to the next minute widthrawn and depressed... compalining about life, work, money... then back to happy, then back to complaining and whining.... Some instances he would have BAD episodes, he would stay in the room sleeping, just staying away from everyone... not eating with us, not interacting...
Its always the same complaints... Work to long, need money, bills to pay, no money.. THOUGH realistically if you have no money, that is why you work, right? Isn't that pretty much a given?
Why complain about bills if you don't want to work? Wouldn't it be bigger issue had he not have a job?
Thing like this that his rational thinking goes away and instead of leading our family, I feel like I am having to babysit him all the time!
It is somewhat like he changes moods every few hours... the smallest of details can trigger his bad moods... like kids leaving a mess, his cellphone not working right, anything!
I don't know what else to do... if he wont get treated, how can it help? Any why doesnt he think this is really bad? The rest of us are suffering , if not him!
My husband is the polar opposite of moody. He's mostly smiling and in a good mood, which in return we all are. Sure he has his bad days, he's very quiet and to himself.
I'm not one to be moody either, but unfortunately I do get PMS. I normally can control it. I have many more off days then my husband. I also suffer from severe chronic pain from herniated discs as well.
I would rather get polar opposite of moody than moody... I rarely see smiles from my H... and when I do.. its strangely a few minutes after he's blown up! By that point I'm not in the mood for smiles, then he has the nerve to ask me "what's my problem!"
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.... I really try my hardest to igonre everything, because I hate getting sucked in and crying later. But it is what it is... I can only hope for a miracle to make things better....
Sorry, but in my opinion, you're being a bit harsh on him. Do you work? Have you never worked hard, then had almost no money after payday because the bills sucked it all up??
I don't mean to change this into a financial topic. I'm just saying that maybe he has issues & concerns. You don't seem very sympathetic to him in financial situation (Were your parents rich & you never had to worry for a thing?)... Seems like you wont be sympathetic to him if it was a medical bipolar situation either.
I really hope I am wrong.
Thats OK, fair question..
Yes I do work... I drive 60 miles one way to go to my work , 5 days a week, I've worked even soon after my children were born, because I had to help support the family, no time for bonding there.
I took in jobs that required traveling to try and get more $$ in our finances, leaving my children when they were still babies, crying in the airport missing them, while H took jobs that paid less (even now) because they were 10 minutes from home...He says HE DOES NOT WANT TO COMMUTE...
My family was not rich, and no I never just got what I wanted for nothing...
I know it is hard. But I also worry about bills, yet I hold back complaints,whines and whimpers to myself and try not to depress my entire family when they didn't need to. They are bills that cme now, next month and the month after, what would be the point to complain about necessities you need to pay for in life? Why stress out over nothing? Figure it out and move on!
So Im sorry to sound harsh but I've been keeping this family afloat for 20 years and I cannot always do it alone... I have made all the "work" sacrifices, change of jobs for higher pay... so being harsh is hard not to be when you do everything alone.
My husband is the moody one! I'm usually chipper and happy - until he brings out MY moodiness!
It IS annoying and frustrating, to say the least. We could be trying to have a good day together, and Mr. Psychic almost always predicts that something will go wrong, (which he makes happen through his attitude and words - Self-Fulfilling Prophecy)! He will be disengaged and negative for no apparent reason! I really can't stand this side of him - but when he laughs at a joke I made, or gets into a conversation with me - I remember the things I love about him. It's been difficult at times, but I've learned some ways to lighten his mood when he's in the slumps. (Tickle-fight)! Posted via Mobile Device
Okay, yes. I see & share resentment in that field.
My sis is bi-polar. If she is not on her meds, she is H-E-L-L to live with. Finding the right balance of meds is Sooooooo important if it does turn out to be a bi-polar thing.
And yes, it can be bi-polar with swings only from normal to deep lows, back to "normals".. etc. & really never feeling "happy".
Or, normal feelings to High happiness, back to normal.. etc,... and never feeling low.
Its very frustrating living with a manic depressive. High school was a nightmare with sis.
@CHELLE- Well, its irritating because he's been this way for about 90% of the 20 years weve been together. I get moody- everyone is entiteld to be moody- I just hate it that he seems to not care that it is now dictating our home life's mood as well...
It's not exactly easy to try and get the kids in a "happy" mood when dad is mopeing in the corner all day...
To a point he realizes he needs help, and meds to balalnce out. BUT he still can't get himself to see a doctor. Hence the re-occuring issues...
I get emotional and moody... but I do stop for a minute and try not to dampen other people's day... H just doesnt care... he says what he says, and thats that.
I know that something might help- like meds, but he just won't do it. And its frustrating to be at the other end of his episodes... its draining! I have MADE myself ignore this, try and move on with my day, so maybe that why i appear a bit harsh, but I refuse to get sucked into his moods any longer. For the most parts, when he is in his "moods" .. we barely speak.. he goes to the room and the kids and I are in the living room enjoying the evening, watching TV, like a family.
He's missed out on so many things he should enjoy about the kids, half the time all he notices are if they did not do something he asked them to do...otherwise we are all like a fly on the wall to him... just there.
I don't know what to do anymore.... I care and love this man, and I don't want to leave him just because of this, but he is slowly but surely driving me there!
It's more related to being generally indifferent with a rather dry crude sense of humor. People don't tend to relate to it well from a female or know how to process it.
More often then not I get yelled at for looking miserable in moments when I'm actually in a really good mood, and thought I had a pleasant expression on my face.
@CLucas- YES! I say that to my H - He always has this depressed look on his face, so I always think something is wrong.. he does is so much that it is that natural look on his face!
So imagine living with someone for 20 years who day ina nd day out looks miserable- EVEN when theyre not... It's pretty depressing and it does bring you down as well
my family seems to have no problems with it, and if they feel so inclined, they just ask if something is wrong since usually the answer is no, they move on.
stbx and I got into some arguments about it. I am not overly emotional and it takes a lot of effort from him to make me cry, so it always turned into how I lack emotions, feelings, sympathy, empathy, you name the pathy, and I didn't have it.
The problem is, it's not news. my only new reactions were me setting personal boundaries for myself and showing me some self respect finally by removing the door mat version of me.
I'm trying to not sound rude, but if you know your husband is just mellow and indifferent, I don't think that in itself is the issue. Some of the other things you were mentioning like him only noticing when the kids don't do what they're asked and feeling like a fly on the wall are more the issue.
I might be indifferent and mellow, but I do put forth effort into the household I live in, these people do exist to me, and if you'd have seen me with the 3yr old who lived here a while, it was almost a different person.
your husband sounds detached. Maybe depressed. I don't know enough of THOSE things to speak of them, but I can tell you just being seemingly indifferent as your default temperment is not the cause of his behavior.
Yes CLucas, I agree. Indifferent is not the issue. Everyone it seems can be a little that way at any given day... but to not realize that your mood is affecting your household is something I think needs some serious looking at.
Granted he doesnt seem to be "aware" that he is causing us grief, and that we only want him to have somewhat of a balanced behaviour so we can ALL co-exist... so for the meantime, we shrug our shoulders and walk away whenever he is in one of his moods. Story never changes, so I have learned to ignore to lessen MY own stress and frustrations... apparently not working, but its all I've got.
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Re: Moody people ... 
