03-17-2012, 05:10 AM
Join Date: Mar 2012
| | Should our family move back?
Hi there. I have a rather complicated question. My wife and I met in Montana 12 years ago. After she attended law school we returned there and married, bought a house and had two children. It is a wonderful small town with low crime, community oriented, active, good schools, etc. We have many friends and some family there. We can walk or ride a bike to literally anything (schools, dentist, Dr, grocery, etc) we need and the town thrives on local businesses. My wife had a great job as an attorney and loved her job but had to commute a distance. I am a sat at home dad, very active and involved with the kids. I am a great dad and only want the best for our family, especially the kids.
After our second child was born we decided to make a change and move to NC where her parents are. At the time we felt it would be good to give the kids more diversity, etc. and live where it was not so cold. Well, it has been two years now and we are in dire financial trouble and I terribly miss Montana and the quality of life. We now live in a micropolis of sorts (200k people) with crime, mediocre schools, box stores, etc. My wife started her own law practice which has quickly become a money pit and little hope in sight. Plus, she is now trying to find any clients possible and not pursuing the type of law she enjoys doing.
My wife knows I am unhappy and she is very stressed out regarding work, money, etc. However, she is so attached to this area because it is where she grew up and her folks are here. She was just contacted by her former employer in Montana and offered a great situation resulting in potential partnership doing what she loves. On top of that, she would be based in our small town and only have to commute one day a week. Otherwise, she could walk or ride a bike.
Her parents are very involved in our lives now that we are here. Her father is supporting us financially as well as her practice. While I get along with her folks, they are a different family that "loves" in there own way according to my wife. Her mom and brother take a lot of meds for depression and stay in bed for days at a time. Her father is very controlling and not loving (hands on) at all. My wife grew up not communicating and it is normal for her family to just shove down feelings and not communicate. My wife believes that is a fine way of dealing with things too. We are here now for two years and I have no friends or family for support. I am home with the kids all day, have to drive everywhere and am very sad and lonely. I don't drink, take meds, etc. and still maintain a healthy diet but no longer enjoy any of the activities I used to, even with our kids. Bike riding, hiking, skiing, walking around town, etc.
Am I within my realm as a primary care taker of our children to expect my wife to look at this situation analytically and realize we should throw in the towel and get back "home" to Montana? By home I mean where we met, were married, had our children and still own our house? Have many friends, cousins and an excellent quality of life? Where she can step right back into doing what she loved and start making good money immediately?
Her family's viewpoint is to stay in NC and suffer it out, maybe forever. I believe that is my wife's viewpoint too. It breaks my heart knowing our kids could be in such a better place, as well as our family financially, emotionally and physically (health).
What is your take?