don't know what to do

dds127 · 10-31-2007, 03:35 PM

me and my wife have been married for 15 yrs and last month just before her 41 birthday she told me that she don't have feelings for me anymore. she says she don't know what she wants(divorce or stay together) i am having a hard time trying to understand how someone can fall out of love. can anyone give me some advise on how to give her time to fiqure things out without me going crazy because she is the one that i love dearly

draconis · 10-31-2007, 03:45 PM

Okay marriages fall into the mundane because [i]people let them[/] to solve this you need to romance her from here on out. Start with a dinner date once a week. If she cooks all the time take another day to start cooking for her. Say I love you often. Thank her for the things she does. Tell her how much she means to you.

Never push her. Start doing things slowly. Once she starts to come back keep things up. Don't let things go on cruise control because you "have her". Instead make her the most important thing in your life (other then children). Make dates. Help her around the house.

She is looking for that newness spark that we all love but then take for granted once we think we have someone for life. Give it to her until the very last day.

Enjoy what you really have.

draconis

3plus3 · 11-01-2007, 01:18 PM

Well there are many reasons for your wife to feel this way, boredom, someone else, feeling unloved, feeling unappreciated are just a few off the top of my head. Has she mentioned any of those?

Doubt&Wonder · 11-03-2007, 08:34 PM

As a wife of 21 years I can tell you that women tend to fall away from LoVe once they have been allowed to feel unloved unwanted and unappreciated by the man she once gave her heart to (and) if the trust issue between the two has ever been broken then the LoVe will fade faster.

bmtgrl · 11-04-2007, 05:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

Okay marriages fall into the mundane because [i]people let them[/] to solve this you need to romance her from here on out. Start with a dinner date once a week. If she cooks all the time take another day to start cooking for her. Say I love you often. Thank her for the things she does. Tell her how much she means to you.

Never push her. Start doing things slowly. Once she starts to come back keep things up. Don't let things go on cruise control because you "have her". Instead make her the most important thing in your life (other then children). Make dates. Help her around the house.

She is looking for that newness spark that we all love but then take for granted once we think we have someone for life. Give it to her until the very last day.

Enjoy what you really have.

draconis

This is SOOOOO what I want from my husband! I tried to tell him that I wanted him to treat me like he did when we were dating.

kajira · 11-05-2007, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doubt&Wonder

As a wife of 21 years I can tell you that women tend to fall away from LoVe once they have been allowed to feel unloved unwanted and unappreciated by the man she once gave her heart to (and) if the trust issue between the two has ever been broken then the LoVe will fade faster.

As a wife of 18 years I couldn't agree with your more Doubt. And sometimes it is "a little to late" to try and recover.......

rosarija · 11-07-2007, 09:57 AM

My wife and I are going through some rough times, for some time now we have been having problems and she felt I was neglecting her and she even thought I was having an affair. For about 2 months she has told that she was done doing anything to fix things and that it was all on me, I guess I could have done more and know it seems to be to late. A week back she told she was having some feelings for someone else, after we had some arguments and I told her we should separate we started talking and a couple days later she told that the other thing was done with. I just can't get her to jump on board to fix the relationship, I love her very much and don't know what to do.

rosarija · 11-07-2007, 10:00 AM

I know my post is a bit confusing but it's confusing for me as well, I think she needs some space but I feel like it's just slipping away. We have 2 kids.

draconis · 11-07-2007, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rosarija

My wife and I are going through some rough times, for some time now we have been having problems and she felt I was neglecting her and she even thought I was having an affair. For about 2 months she has told that she was done doing anything to fix things and that it was all on me, I guess I could have done more and know it seems to be to late. A week back she told she was having some feelings for someone else, after we had some arguments and I told her we should separate we started talking and a couple days later she told that the other thing was done with. I just can't get her to jump on board to fix the relationship, I love her very much and don't know what to do.

It can start with one. Perfect example she did things for so long by herself that she is burnt out that she wants to see you do something too.

Exmple two: Lately although I haven't kept up posting on it I have been doing something every day for my wife. The last two weeks of the relationship has been the best high. When she could see all the extra I was doing it modivated her to do more too.

draconis

rosarija · 11-07-2007, 10:19 AM

yes, but how do I get her to see that my love was always there but I didn't show properly.

draconis · 11-07-2007, 12:41 PM

Communication. At this point I would say write here a long love letter on the computer and re-read and re-write it until you have said everything right before sending it to her. Communication is the key for any relationship and can help to mend your issues. In time with you showing you love her and don't take her for granited, being transparent so she can have trust in you she will accept that you simply made a mistake in not saying enough.

draconis

kajira · 11-07-2007, 01:03 PM

Listening as defined by Dictionary.com

lis·ten (lĭs'ən) Pronunciation Key
intr.v. lis·tened, lis·ten·ing, lis·tens

To make an effort to hear something: listen to the radio; listening for the bell.
To pay attention; heed: "She encouraged me to listen carefully to what country people called mother wit" (Maya Angelou).

Many times we hear what we want to hear or do not listen at all.