General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Recently I met up with a family friend, when i took my two kids out, we got talking as they also have a child too same age as ours.
Well i got a message from her, saying it was nice to see us again, and that we should all get together soon, I might add that we are both married. Anyway we were passing messages, all innocently when my wife asked if she should be worried? I asked why and she said the content of the messages my be seen as flirty.. whilst my intentions were totally innocent, (i don't really have many people to talk to about things) she seemed to think there was more too it. I assured her there wasn't and thought nothing more of it, then again a few days later the same again. Now even though she said she doesn't mind me talking to this woman more the content, i made an effort to curtail what i was saying a keep it merely chat. But that still wasn't enough, i told my wife i would stop talking to this woman but she just laughed, i don't know what to do.. In my eyes it's purely friends, if i discovered this woman felt more, then i would say it's not going to happen.
My wife and i have had some problems in the past, and recently things have been tense, but i'm going through a few issues, upcoming surgery for one, and feel like i'm not on her list of priorities, and perhaps feel like i just need someone to talk too.. Is what i'm doing wrong? there's never been any sort of sexual innuendo, or content in our chats i just don't understand..
Understand your wife isn't comfortable with it and don't have a texting relationship with this woman. Do not WAIT for it to get to where your friend says she wants more. Your friend is "fishing"...getting you to hook on so you two start talking more, blah blah blah.
My wife and i have had some problems in the past, and recently things have been tense, but i'm going through a few issues, upcoming surgery for one, and feel like i'm not on her list of priorities, and perhaps feel like i just need someone to talk too.. Is what i'm doing wrong? there's never been any sort of sexual innuendo, or content in our chats i just don't understand..
That is the part that is bothering your wife - that you are choosing someone else to talk to. It's a slippery slope. First you chit chat, then you get into more personal conversations, then you start feeling like this friend "really understands you" and then you start hating on your wife because your friend is "better" and is meeting your emotional needs....affair.
If I were you, I'd just straight out tell your wife that you are feeling like she is not supporting you during this time that you need her support, and that you feel low on her list of priorities. That makes your need to chat with someone else bigger than it would be otherwise.
If your wife is uncomfortable with the chatting, then she needs to understand why it is happening. You haven't been honest (not fully) and haven't told her that the reason you want to keep chatting with her is that you need someone to talk to because you don't feel your wife is there for your right now.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
Sounds like it is time for all the partners to meet for lunch.
Go someplace with the kids and all sit down together.
If I was his wife I would think this was a VERY bad idea. What woman wants to sit down with another woman AND HER HUSBAND who she thinks her husband could be having or potentially have an EA with? Not me.
Better that you just quit talking to this woman via text and draw some clear boundaries, and make sure your wife knows and agrees to them.
Thank you for the reponses, I'd like to say that this is a family friend that we will see again, so suddenly ignoring her messages may seem rude. Do i contact her to tell her there is a problem, and thats why i need to stop contact, or as was suggested tell my wife i need someone to talk too, as i feel i'm not high on her list of priorities? If i just stop chatting, could that not be perceived as a sign of guilt? that perhaps, i'm contacting her some other way, or meeting up? which has not happened. or is my wife making an issue out of it for another reason, It has been said that people that cheat often accuse their partners of the same....
Give her your wife's number (with permission of course) and say you are too busy to plan a get together, but text your wife to set something up (or call! wtf...why is she texting and not calling? WEIRD). Anyhoo, I doubt she'll text your wife. Then you'll know her intentions.
Thank you for the reponses, I'd like to say that this is a family friend that we will see again, so suddenly ignoring her messages may seem rude. Do i contact her to tell her there is a problem, and thats why i need to stop contact, or as was suggested tell my wife i need someone to talk too, as i feel i'm not high on her list of priorities? If i just stop chatting, could that not be perceived as a sign of guilt? that perhaps, i'm contacting her some other way, or meeting up? which has not happened. or is my wife making an issue out of it for another reason, It has been said that people that cheat often accuse their partners of the same....
Who cares if the other woman thinks you're rude. Worry about what your wife thinks. Your wife is uncomfortable with the contact. Cease the contact.
And yes, definitely tell your wife that you feel that you are low on her list of priorities, and that you want to talk to her more. Don't attempt to have your need to talk met by another woman. Talk to your wife and make a few man friends.
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Female Friend... 
