General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My wife refuses to agree on this: Your spouse is the the most important person in your life. I never expected anyone could feel otherwise, now I am afraid to talk to anyone about it, how lousy this feels. I don't want anyone to know I am married to a woman who can bluntly state "I refuse to consider you the most important person in my life."I'm still thinking there must be some miscommunication, but its been ten years now. I think this concept has no name or much discussion because everyone assumes it as a given. I am afraid my marriage is a fraud due to this. I love her so much. But am unable to be settled with this. I fear for the "marriage". The thought of divorce is awful, folks help me here, am I a fool to keep hoping here? This concept is non-optional, it seems. Am I out of line for wanting this, or just a fool to even accept such a belief.
Sorry, I have to agree with delusional here. Did we not swear "forsaking all others"? Don't get me wrong here, I don't mean ditch everyone else in the weeds, but the husband and wife need to be the cornerstone, the foundation. I would be terribly wounded if my husband did not put me first....and in fact, one of the reasons I have been able to find the strength to move past his affair is because he always HAS done that, with the exception of two miserable months I want to forget and put behind me.
I do agree, though, that I would certainly be asking more questions along the lines of who she is referring to.......
It just has seemed to be the thing that works. I heard somewhere long ago that if the marriage is strong everyone benefits, obviously the children. Makes sense. If children come first and the marriage is relegated to a less important place, that is probably more risky. Anyway what happens when the kids move away? "Now you are important"? Of course the children are very deserving of all love,care, etc. but is that what life is about? I don't have research to show but I'd rather my kids learn the value of the marriage than that they are the center of someone's universe. A strong marriage makes all hardships more bearable, a poor marriage would ruin an otherwise "good" life.Thanks for all the replies, I think this subject is under-discussed but fundamental.
i dont think important people in my life are really comparable. the way i interpret it is like saying, what's more important fruit or veggies. they're both just as important. so if my H asked me who was more important, my family or him, well, its not really comparable.
i think someone that has to ask who is the most important is just really insecure and maybe has some strong jealousy tendencies. maybe even a little possessiveness. I bet your wife felt like she was being manipulated. just my opinion.
The statement is a red herring. How does she treat you? If you feel loved and respected, you only stand to jeopardize that by holding it up to a non-existent measuring stick.
I hope I don't appear to be hijacking this thread because I believe what I have to say is related. What if your spouse says you are the most important but seemingly behaves otherwise? examples: when you are apart cell records show that they often call friends before you?, seem to go out of their way for friends more, put more effort and prompt replies into friends via phone and email, I have serious issues with this.
I guess I'm trying to get to the bottom, establish a solid base, yes I am tired of conflict in marriage. Don't we want to have a rock we don't have to question? An agreement, a contract, whatever you call it,that can be a settled, stated possession, so that marriage is not a source of uncertainty, drama,counselling bills, anger, judgement? We will not endanger this. The stress of the unstated or stated threat of divorce if one is not satisfied makes for grief.As time on earth looks more finite I want better days. Maybe I'm delusional but I think this is what works, if it seems too heavy, why get married anyway.
I guess I'm trying to get to the bottom, establish a solid base, yes I am tired of conflict in marriage. Don't we want to have a rock we don't have to question? An agreement, a contract, whatever you call it,that can be a settled, stated possession, so that marriage is not a source of uncertainty, drama,counselling bills, anger, judgement? We will not endanger this. The stress of the unstated or stated threat of divorce if one is not satisfied makes for grief.As time on earth looks more finite I want better days. Maybe I'm delusional but I think this is what works, if it seems too heavy, why get married anyway.
i feel this way towards life in general sometimes. i often wonder why it has to be so complicated. but that doesnt get me very far, except frustrated and still not accomplishing what i want.
the way i see it is its only frustrating and complicated insofar as you expect it to be otherwise. but why should it be easy? Nothing worth having is ever easy.
This is just something I've always believed and truly wanted to know if others also did. Apparently theres no consensus on it, I have decided to let go because it's too much trouble to talk about, misconstrued as as a desire for power on my part, not "casual" go with the flow, etc. So I actually feel better to think my wife is not the only person who disagrees with this. I believe it, and I think anyone would if they live long enough. It just seems like a win win for all. Anyway thanks for the replies, I'm moving on from the issue as far as others are concerned. I do believe we'd all be better off if marriages were held in higher esteem. Corny or obvious as that sounds.Adios.
Am I delusional? 
