TryingToStayCalm

Does anyone of you freak out when your husband/wife/partner is in a bad mood? I mean, when he/she is suddenly rather brusque with you, when he/she has no apparent reason to be angry with you?

Each time this happens to me, I get really, really stressed, with all physical signs of stress (stomach ache, sweaty hands, chills, shallow breathing…). I then wait, stressed out, for the opportunity to talk about it and to make sure that he’s not angry with me. Then, when I know that something else and not me made him angry/frustrated/sad/etc., I can “return to normality” and to carry on with my day. It sounds silly, but it really bugs me! I presume it has something to do with being insecure but, anyway, how do I get rid of this reaction?

A Bit Much

I don't. But then I'm perfect.

TOTALLY kidding.

You have to remind yourself when that anxiety comes that it's not about you. Try to think that first. You don't really know what's going on until he tells you, unless it's something obvious.

It's concerning that you're kind of tippy toeing around your spouse though... we all screw up sometimes. It's okay, well it SHOULD be okay to not be the perfect partner 100% of the time.

Why are you so worried that you may be the cause of his anger?

Jellybeans

This used to happen to me with my exH. If I sensed him in a bad mood, I would clam up cause I didnt know what was coming next. He was very emotionally abusive though and I never knew if he would be happy/mad/sad/angry/glad and living that way seriously fcked me up in the head.

I dont know what the deal is in your case.

If he is kind to you otherwise, get some therapy to deal with this anxiety. Or if he makes you tense generally, find out why and work on it together.

Rainbownotsobright

I am not sure how to get rid of that feeling, but letting you know that it happens to me as well.
In my situation i know i start to feel anxious when my H is in a bad mood bacause in the past he would find something to be angry at me about or just take out his frustrations on me, even when its not warrented at all. I will admit, he takes his anger/bad mood out on me less now BUT i still get the same feelings of anxiety rising up. i am in IC trying to get a handle on my anxiety issues maybe that could a help to you?

381917

I just ask him immediately what the problem is. He tells me. I apologize if one is needed, or commiserate with him about whatever the problem is. I don't sit around waiting on the right time to ask why he seems upset.

OldGirl

Did you get yelled at a lot as a kid? I had to walk around on eggshells my entire childhood. Being around angry people makes me very very tense

that_girl

It's called co-dependency.

Try to break this habit.

No one's moods should alter yours. It's one thing to have empathy or sympathy, but to freak out because Hubs had a bad day and is in a funk? Never.

__________________

TryingToStayCalm

I didn't get yelled at as a kid but I did grow up with a constantly angry/frustrated/moody person so possibly that's why I get so upset when he gets that way. It's funny that it doesn't apply to other people though.

I think I just simply can't stand when he's angry and I'm not sure whether it has something to do with me or not. I do ask as soon as I have the chance, but then when I'm at work and he sends me a strange email/text I get very nervous and it's difficult for me to carry on with my work. I simply can't focus until I know what's going on. I've been like that before the wedding (3.5 years ago) but then I thought I would just "grow out of it". I haven't. I hate that feeling because it makes me feel somehow dependent on his moods... I am aware of that but I have no idea how to get rid of it. And afterwards I also get a bit angry at him for "stressing me out again and spoiling my day". I don't tell him that but I do think it. I guess I'm just ****** up