Hisfac I figured I would keep my responses on the newer thread so this is a reply to your post on my old thread in the Infidelity forum.
With all due respect I think the advice you offered is very pessimistic. I think its similar to what another poster said a few weeks ago (Catherine?). I understand that the odds are against us but I would much rather try completely than just expect that its not going to work out. We do work well together and we are both really great with our daughter and we still have fun.
I am already committed to my girlfriend because of our daughter and getting married wouldn't do anything negative to me beyond a few years of spousal support IF we get divorced. I think its important we have the security of marriage especially as we grow our family. I have been cowardly and nervous in hesitating and waiting. Emily has been patient and supportive and would make a good wife. I know you all don't hold her in high regard but she is a truly amazing mother and wonderful, supportive partner. I don't want to lose her.
Don't marry young mistress it's a disaster waiting to happen. Nothing to gain, everything to lose. Stay together while it lasts, part amicably when it fails.
Girlfriend not mistress. That term is kind of loaded. I realize I am biased b/c I am so involved in the situation but I think we can make it work. So us failing is not a guarantee at all.
Take care of your child and be a good father no matter what happens with mom. Don't complicate the situation with more children, one is more than enough.
I appreciate the advice but that is a given. I will always be there for my daughter. I don't need to be reminded to love her.
We both want more children and we've been trying for #2 for a little bit now so the idea of stopping at one child is not one that I would even entertain.
Show more consideration for other people in your life who have bestowed you with their trust.
I know this is important and I am trying to be better at it. I betrayed my late wife horribly. I would never ever do anything like that again.
Sit down and really think about what your wife was going through when she slowly deteriorated into oblivion largely as a result of your actions- although I admit every person is ultimately responsible for their own well being and she could have pulled it together and told you to screw off and gone and lived a happy life without you if she was so able, that part isn't necessarily your 'fault' even though you were obviously a contributing factor to her death.
I know I have to do this. That was why started to write the original thread. My counselor had advised me to write a journal and I wanted to hear some feedback as I was writing it so I thought this forum would work for that purpose. It didn't work out like I wanted and I had to deal with busybodies accusing me of lying and I ended up getting off track.
The last part of my journal is about my wife's suicide. I am too scared to even consider going back and thinking about it. It was horrible and I will blame myself for the rest of my life. I know what she was thinking because I still have her emails and texts. I accept responsibility for her decision. If it wasn't for me she would be alive today. And I have to live with that shame and guilt.