General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
well i just went home for my lunch break and caught her before she left work.. first she screamed that I was looking at her facebook and that its private.. the she accused me of cheating on her because if I dont trust her, and if I dont trust her its obvious that I am cheating.. then she said she she is allowed to talk to whoever she wants to, then she said she started to cry and said she didnt know what she doing and then she locked herself in the bathroom.. then I grabbed a bag and threw some of her clothes in it and as she left to go to work I told her the locks would be changed by the time she got home.. she can go stay who knows where while I try to think this though...
you guys have helped me alot, not 100% sure I want to walk away but I definitely need some time to think alone.
What attracted me to her in the first place had nothing to do with her past, I am not going to judge her past.. I am not one to judge, I have made plenty of mistakes in life, not recent but they have happened..
You did well. Don't let her gaslight you and try to make it somehow *your* fault that she is untrustworthy. I had an ex who always spewed "you don't trust me because YOU are untrustworthy" at me- and it is bull. YOU didn't lie to her, YOU didn't try to start an affair with an ex-FWB, YOU didn't call her a loser.
Remember that any crying she does is because she is sorry she got caught, and not because she is sorry she hurt you. It is easy to cry for oneself.
You might not want to walk away, but she will never change. She has shown you that. She was a cheater in the past, she is a cheater now. Please stick to your guns and protect yourself from future hurt.
I feel like I want to hug your wife and tell her she is too good for this man and she is well worth the love of a good man. Her self esteem is low and she needs you to give her direction in no uncertain terms.
Be kind but firm. Something is wrong if she is persuading this man. She wants affirmation that she is good enough to be loved. Somebow she fixated on the one who got away. If she can get him to affirm her then she is alright.
She needs to affirm herself. Her LT relationship was with a man who cheated and she had this FWB and he walked away. She needs to be held and told she is loved by you and she does not need to prove herself. The bf who cheated on her repeatedly sapped her self esteem when she was young. She never recovered.
She needs lots of love and IC. She needs to understand she is sabataging something good to go after what is worthless. Probably because She does not feel that she deserves love.
Don't react with divorce papers. If you love her help her to heal. You will get a woman who is whole with a sensitive heart who loves herself and can love you.
You may decide to leave if she does not work hard to heal because she will seek affirmation again and that will not work. Posted via Mobile Device
BTW she don't call her a loser. She is his wife and he loves her. She is in crisis and she deserves at lest an attemp at help and guidance. Her mistakes are not punishable by stoning. Posted via Mobile Device
She deserves ... a hug!? She lives a single lifestyle, cheated on her first LTR with this same guy, continues this contact behind her husbands back and she deserves a hug. Wow. Just wow.
You want to hug her to tell her she is too good for the FWB. You want her husband to hug her and help her from the abyss of being unfaithful to him.
She called her husband a loser to the man who she cheated with and is trying to introuduce in her new marriage? She had agreed to go no contact but yet went underground.
She is not 15 years old. I keep hearing that women have brains and I believe that. But when they do this we give them a hug? I do not think this is gender specific. I would not give a man a hug for doing this, I would want to kick his butt.
I feel like I want to hug your wife and tell her she is too good for this man and she is well worth the love of a good man. Her self esteem is low and she needs you to give her direction in no uncertain terms.
Be kind but firm. Something is wrong if she is persuading this man. She wants affirmation that she is good enough to be loved. Somebow she fixated on the one who got away. If she can get him to affirm her then she is alright.
She needs to affirm herself. Her LT relationship was with a man who cheated and she had this FWB and he walked away. She needs to be held and told she is loved by you and she does not need to prove herself. The bf who cheated on her repeatedly sapped her self esteem when she was young. She never recovered.
She needs lots of love and IC. She needs to understand she is sabataging something good to go after what is worthless. Probably because She does not feel that she deserves love.
Don't react with divorce papers. If you love her help her to heal. You will get a woman who is whole with a sensitive heart who loves herself and can love you.
You may decide to leave if she does not work hard to heal because she will seek affirmation again and that will not work. Posted via Mobile Device
I honestly don't think it is a self-esteem issue, and even if it was there is no reason good enough to justify cheating on a spouse. There just isn't. This woman has cheated on a SO before with the exact same guy. She lied to her current spouse, started chasing her ex-FWB, called her husband a loser, and would not have hesitated to make her EA a PA. Screwing her ex-FWB is more important to her than her marriage.
She doesn't deserve coddling or love from her husband- she deserves the boot for being a lying, cheating piece of work and showing that she is a leopard unwilling to change its spots. She is obviously a habitual cheater at this point.
Also... "She is in crisis"?!?!?! SHE is not the victim, the OP is. The OP is in crisis because SHE is cheating on him and lying to him. Any "crisis" she is in is 100% her fault.
Serial cheater who lines up her safety boat before taking the final plunge. She's done it at least twice in this marriage, trying to 'befriend' people who are off limits IMO.
I agree with all of you. This isn't just "some guy" she's trying to befriend/introduce to her marriage. This is THE guy she cheated on her ex with. I still can't believe she had the audacity to invite them all for a meal together, completely dismissing/disrespecting her husband. She has SERIOUS boundary issues. It's brazen. And almost comes across as narcissistic that she'd do something like that...with zero regard for her husband. Yuck. Posted via Mobile Device
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
Then about 5 minutes later she asked me if I wanted to hang out with them the following weekend, and then it hit me.. I said is this the guy you used to sleep with.. She gave me the deer caught in the headlights look.. She turned red as a cherry, and said yeah I told you all about it so its nothing new.. I said no you told me about this over 5 years ago and you never told me this was the person..
So we got into a HUGE fight, I was seriously ready to leave her, that just seems like its the most screwed up thing EVER, to try to trick your husband into becoming best friends with your old f*** buddy.. She didnt think she did anything wrong, eventually she went to go tell her friends why I was pissed off and to get them on her side..
This tells me everything I need to know about your wife.
If she needs a hug, let someone else do it. She has no respect for you let alone healthy love.
It's not your job to let her work out her emotional problems on you.
Catherine, his wife told the f-ck buddy that her husband (the OP) is a loser... Posted via Mobile Device
Ops didn't read carefully again.
I recall my former post. i read the first post that she had a former BF who cheated and she didn't leave and chasing this guy. It read self-esteem issues to me.
Didn't read the confrontation or remember that she called her husband a name.
I don't know what is wrong with her. One thing is for sure, she is not ready for a LT committed relationship. You are taking a substantial risk in staying in the relationship.
OP is toooo nice. If you stay, give her just one chance. She must go to therapy and show real progress. You need to go to therapy as well.
Chris, she settled for you. You are just waiting for the next guy she is infatuated with and responds back.
First, she tries to make you an idiot by making you befriend her ex-FWB . I think she tried to flaunt you infront of him to make him jealous. When that did not work, she called you a loser.
You wife is a nut case. Get out. You can work out the house somehow. You can earn money but mental peace is more important.
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Re: Issue With Wifes EX-FWB... 
Solid advice. XD
