General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
You stated your husband has hit and kicked you before and that he has promised not to do it again. How many times has he broken his promise?
Your husband has insecurities about certain things. You have managed to find those insecurities and he knows it. There's only 2 ways out of this:
1. He lets go of those insecurities either through professional help or self-reflection (He comes to terms with his short-comings and accepts the human being he is without a care in the world about what you or anyone else thinks about him)
2. You stop exploiting his weakness for your own benefit.
The gal is making it up. In the first post, he touches her and screws up her hair. In her second post, she says he hits her.
Logic time. If he DOES hit her, why is the thread entitled "Is this physical abuse or...?" ? If he DOES hit her like she claims, then she KNOWS and wouldn't be asking us if he is physically abusive.
Therefore...
She was "tapped" by her husband, we called her verbally abusive, so she came back and claims he "hits" her now.
I call BullSh*t.
I am writing this assuming you care to know how your words might impact someone. When someone has been through a trauma and you tell them you don't believe the trauma ever happened it is like putting the victim through that trauma all over again. That's how painful it is. It's hard to understand how that works unless you've been through it. And the impact is stronger coming from people you know and love. But you might want to be careful of the next person you call a liar in regards to a trauma.
Personally I think both the OP and her husband are abusive toward each other.The OP now must realize that she needs to take some action. Whether that be leaving her husband, seeking professional help, whatever. Either way there is no excuse for it to happen again because the problem is now known. Right?
Abusers do not change because they "promised." He is touching you in anger--does not matter why or how hard. He clearly cannot refrain from getting physical--and yet here you are, playing his game, b/c you are afraid to take the action you said you would take if he "abused" you again. You know he will say, "That's not fair, I just tapped you, I didn't hit you." Really? Is tapping ACCEPTABLE to you?
You both need more help than this site can provide. Please, get it. Do not get trapped in that VERY childish game, "I didn't hit her hard!" "She hit me harder than I hit her," or screamed, or whatever.
You are questioning your own judgment, so you need help. If you were yelling and/or screaming and/or name calling during the fight, you need help for that too.
It comes off to me that he did the tap arrogantly to put you in your place, since you were screaming on him. Kind of an "If you're going to act like a child, I'll treat you like a child" sort of thing. I could see him just as easily slapping you on your ass to make his point.
I wasn't there, but just based on that description, I didn't get an abuse vibe.
Yes that is physical abuse. Physical abuse is using inappropriate physical contact to hurt, control, or demean you. He obviously meant to control and demean you. My husband "blocks" me from leaving a hostile situation often. He isn't hurting me, but he's controlling the situation with his body. I cannot get past him, I cannot go away from him, he MAKES me be in his presence to continue arguing and that is wrong.
So you tell him it's physical abuse and to stop. he will probably scoff but you need to hold your ground. If he thinks doing that is okay, what's to stop him from taking the next step up?
Oh and I highly disagree with anyone here who says you were screaming, which is verbal abuse, so it makes sense that he physically did something to you.
That is untrue, there is NOTHING you could say to him where you would deserve physical abuse, or make what he did okay, even in this lesser form.
I take it that is directed at me.... whatever, try walking into a local bar and screaming at a few people, you will sure as hell get a lot worse than a few ruffled feathers. You have to take ownership of your own actions in an altercation.
Not saying what he did was right, nor was how she handled herself, but seriously, just because you are in a relationship with someone, doesn't mean you get a free pass to disregard their personal rights.
Just because women continue to cry foul about how men hitting them is wrong, so too is women yelling at men, or picking fights with them.
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Re: Is this physical abuse or...? 
