General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Should your spouse keep pictures of previous relationships? In terms of workable arrangments that are successful, I am thinking I would like to hear from members with strong, long term first marriages (15+ years).
I've been married almost 10 yrs (sorry). I have a few pics of my ex, but he's my son's father and it's in a baby book that I plan to give to him when he moves out. That's it. My husband doesn't have pics of old girlfriends lying around. He does have a college album, where he's got a few pics of girls he dated in there (he's with them) but I'm in no way threatened by it. It's a college photo album for goodness sakes.
I think it depends on the picture and the situation. If your spouse had children with the ex then the photos are for the children to keep. If the photo is of just the ex or your spouse and the ex in some kind of embrace then I think it has to go. It might also be okay if it was a larger group photo. You don't want to toss a photo that had several other people in it just because one is an ex.
I've got a few pictures here and there... My hubby thinks nothing of them... He doesn't have any at all... I think it's kind of strange, but hey, whatever, right? Posted via Mobile Device
Just to clarify, our marriage is the first for both of us, The pictures in question are of previous dates/lovers.
It depends on the specifics. My wife and I (our first marriage each) each have pictures of previous dates/lovers packed in boxes downstairs. They are all of the old prom, formals, event type pictures, as well as a couple of head shot pictures you often get from school. We don't display them and don't look through them all that often (only when we are moving stuff and we want to bore the kids). Our pasts did not just disappear once we got together, so we don't see any harm in keeping them. Now if she wanted to display them, I would have issues with that.
Yes, we have pictures of people we dated previously.
Why not? It's part of my history and his. We don't have these photos displayed in the living room. They're in some old photo albums tucked away in a closet. I'm not so insecure that I need to tell my husband to get rid of pictures from his past. He's with me now and makes me feel like #1 in his life so I don't care if he has old photos somewhere in the house. They way I see it getting rid of the photos doesn't get rid of the memories. All it accomplishes is making the partner making that request look insecure over old history.
To Dean's comment, I have a concern about my son's and daughters seeing Mom and Dad with other people. My parents have been married for 50 years and they do not have any pictures of any other people from their past, it is just Mom and Dad. I like having it that way in my life.
So then don't show the photos to your children.
I wouldn't get rid of the photos unless that's what you both agree and one isn't pressuring the other to get rid of the photos.
Just be sure that one of you won't regret doing away with the photos.
When I first met my husband, he had photos from his proms, high school dates. I wanted to ask him to get rid of them, but I didn't. I'm glad. It's now part of his history and if some days my children are curious about what he did at that age, we have old yearbooks and photo albums they can look at. It's a starting place for a great conversation about what we were like back then, how he and I met, etc.
I was trying to get a general answer to the topic first but here are the details.
My spouse has 3 apple boxes filled with every picture, card, love letter or note ever received dating all the way back to the 8th grade up until meeting me at age 25. It includes every little note ever passed to friends in high school class up through every trip ever taken with them and everything in between. It does include special occoasions like prom.
To Dean's comment, I have a concern about my son's and daughters seeing Mom and Dad with other people. My parents have been married for 50 years and they do not have any pictures of any other people from their past, it is just Mom and Dad. I like having it that way in my life.
Interesting, because I want my kids to know. They too will very likely have a life before they meet the person they marry. It will involve dating other people. I don't want them thinking that they need to marry the first person they sleep with or fall in love with. Not saying your approach is wrong, just a different perspective.
I was trying to get a general answer to the topic first but here are the details.
My spouse has 3 apple boxes filled with every picture, card, love letter or note ever received dating all the way back to the 8th grade up until meeting me at age 25. It includes every little note ever passed to friends in high school class up through every trip ever taken with them and everything in between. It does include special occoasions like prom.
What you're not telling is why it bothers you so much for her to have these things.
Is she rummaging through it nightly? I'm trying to understand.
I was trying to get a general answer to the topic first but here are the details.
My spouse has 3 apple boxes filled with every picture, card, love letter or note ever received dating all the way back to the 8th grade up until meeting me at age 25. It includes every little note ever passed to friends in high school class up through every trip ever taken with them and everything in between. It does include special occoasions like prom.
I'm like this. I have old letters from friends, postcards, movie theater ticket stubs, concert ticket stubs, friendship bracelets, old birthday cards going as far back as 3rd grade. I don't necessarily look at these things, but I like having them and knowing that I can look back at my past if I want to.
Your wife probably treasures these old momentos. If it were me, I wouldn't have a problem allowing her to keep memorabilia from the past.
Why do you want her to give up those things? Is she rubbing those in your face?
Count me as another person who doesn't understand what the problem is.
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Pictures of Previous Relationships 
