Re: Am I stubborn or he is too sensitive
I agree, he sounds like he might be a tad bit passive-aggressive. I just recently read the book Living With the Passive-Aggressive Man, and it was like reading the story of my life, how dead-on it was. Check it out or read online about passive-aggressive behavior and see if you notice some similarities between what you read and what you experience with your H.
The respect thing is hard to gauge. Like everyone else said, it's probably not isolated to the car event for him -- he has probably felt disrespected for quite some time, over various issues.
The crux of figuring this out, though, is to figure out: Are you really disrespecting him on a more frequent basis than you care to admit or realize, OR is his perception of how you treat him ALWAYS going to be considered disrespectful in his mind?
I go through this with my H a lot. It doesn't matter what I say, he takes it as an attack and a put-down, and considers it disrespectful. For instance, I can be crabbing about what a miserable day of work I had -- just venting -- and he will start yelling at me telling me he didn't cause me to have a bad day and I "will not take it out on him." From my end, I'm clearly not taking anything out on him; I'm simply complaining because I had a bad day that tested my patience and need to vent. Often, I even preface my ranting with, "I'm not yelling at you, I'm just venting." Doesn't matter; his perception is his perception, and in his mind, I am being disrespectful and yelling at him. I haven't found a way to overcome this yet.
I would suggest that at a time when everything is calm and you guys are getting along well that you explore this with him. Ask him point-blank why he feels like he is being disrespected by you. What do you do specifically that makes him feel that way? When I did this, I was amazed at some of the responses I got. Some of them I could fix, some of them were simply perception issues on his part that he had to own and stop taking so personally.
If your H is passive-aggressive, though, I would caution you that it is hard for both spouses to overcome. He is just wired that way and can't seem to make a dent in getting over it. I'm not wired to stop, think, contemplate and phrase/present everything that comes out of my mouth to make sure it is "soft" enough for his sensitivity to handle it. It's too much work to do that, and trying it actually made communication issues worse, because I just quit saying anything for fear of it being perceived wrong. PA men are high maintenance in a way that you can't understand until you live with one.
Last edited by nomoretogive; 03-31-2012 at 11:58 AM.